


Gifts

by sqbr



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Character Death, Blood Drinking, Canon Typical Depictions of Tuberculosis, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fanfiction, Getting Together, Internalised ableism, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-17 16:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 49,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15465462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqbr/pseuds/sqbr
Summary: Hajime trains Chizuru in swordsmanship, and Souji wonders what changes it might bring.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what the tag is for a stable m/m/f triad but that's the sort of romance this is! Eventually :)
> 
> I'm working from Kyoto Winds/Edo Blossoms game canon, but not following any particular path, and have tried to explain important details as I go. If you're not familiar with Hakuoki at all [I wrote a short introduction with content notes](https://alias-sqbr.dreamwidth.org/672333.html#intro) which is all you'd need for this fic. 
> 
> Note: It's briefly mentioned that Shiranui is trans and in a relationship with Sakamoto.

Souji was being too hard on the pages. 

There were many valid ways to approach teaching, some of them quite harsh. But surely the first and only priority should be to improve the students' ability at the skill in question. Souji did, undoubtably, wish to improve the pages' skill, but there was also no doubt that he wished just as strongly to have fun at their expense. And fun, for Souji, usually meant some sort of violence. 

There was a loud crack and Souma made a muffled cry of pain before falling to the dirt. Souji grinned and flipped his wooden sword around to strike the other page, Nomura, and then started thwacking them both on the side as they lay on the ground. "Learn to follow my sword," he said, cheerfully, "Or my sword will follow you.".

Souji didn't like to talk much about his childhood, except to sometimes mutter about how much better things had been before Hijikata came along and dragged Kondou away from the simple life of a dojo instructor. But Hajime got the impression that Souji had been bullied by the older apprentices, even more cruelly than those at Hajime's dojo had harassed him for being left handed. It was unfortunate, if understandable, that this experience had taught Souji to be cruel, instead of kind. 

"Souji," said Hajime, in the tone that meant _that's enough_.

"What," said Souji, sharply, but he stopped and let the two young men get up. Souma gave Hajime a quick grateful smile, and Hajime tilted his head slightly to acknowledge it. Hajime liked Souma, he wasn't the most capable recruit the Shinsengumi had ever had but he was admirably determined to follow the path of the warrior despite his relative lack of skill. Even if it meant letting Souji cover him with bruises. 

The other page, Nomura, was less earnest, and Hajime found his fast, humorous patter a little alienating. But he was still turning up for training with Souji, so he clearly had some level of dedication. Most other people would have given up by now. But for all that Souji was not a natural teacher, he was a fine swordsman, and if they could stay the course they would be stronger at the end of it. 

Souma and Nomura had just settled back into defensive stances, ready for Souji's next assault, when Nomura turned his head to look behind Hajime and started shaking his hand in the air. "Hey, Yukimura-senpai!" he shouted. "Want to come join us training with Souji? Maybe you can help us wear him down."

"Three against one?" said Souji, with a smug smile. "That might almost be fair."

Hajime turned and sure enough, there was Yukimura, just behind him, her arms full of cleaned uniforms. "Oh!" she said. "Um, no thank you." 

"Yukimura-Senpai is not a warrior," said Souma, seriously, to Nomura. "It would not be appropriate."

"I agree," said Hajime. "Yukimura walks a different path." And a very strange path it was she walked, too, pretending to the pages she supervised and most others she met that she was a man. Did she miss her previous life as a doctor's daughter, free to go where she pleased and dress as she liked? Did she resent being trapped here amongst warriors, with nothing to do with her day but volunteer to help with menial tasks and wait for word of her father? If she did, she hid it well. 

"Except he doesn't walk a different path," said Souji, his smile tinged with a little cruelty. "He's always getting into trouble and needing to be rescued. It would make our lives a lot easier if he actually learned how to fight."

"Oh," said Yukimura, in a sad tone. "I do cause a lot of trouble don't I? Well, um. I am busy right now, but if you wanted to teach me later..."

Souji laughed. "You're a brave one. You've seen what I've done to these two squirts, right? Don't think I'll be any softer on you because you're cuter." Hajime could see Souma bristling at Souji for daring to call his senpai _cute_. 

He had no doubt of Souji's willingness to be as tough on her as he was on everyone else, and the idea made Hajime feel almost nauseous. Unlike the other pages she had not been raised to endure such treatment.

"Yukimura," he said. "You have no need of a specialised teacher, not while you are still deficient in basic sword techniques."

"That's true..." she said. "I suppose I would be wasting his time."

He nodded. "Basic sword training is at the hour of the Dragon. I will see you there."

Her eyes widened and then she smiled. "Yes!" she said. "Yes you will."

* * *

Chizuru's sword felt loose in her sweaty hands. She aligned the tip of her sword with the tip of her opponent's, and then watched as he stepped towards her and then swung towards her neck. She waited until the last minute and then stepped aside, feeling a cold gust of air against her cheek as the blade passed her by. He frowned, and prepared to swing again, but it was too late: her dodge had also been the beginning of her own attack, and her sword sliced down towards him, hitting his shoulder with a soft thud.

"Very good," said Saito. "Yukimura wins."

Kobayashi's face twitched with frustration, but he bowed and acknowledged Chizuru's win. She'd won! In a match against an actual member of the Shinsengumi!

Sure, Kobayashi had been a member of the Shinsengumi for around a month, and before then had been a merchant. But he was twice her size and had spent that month training as hard as he could. And she still beat him! 

Saito turned from showing Kobayashi where he'd gone wrong to stare thoughtfully at Chizuru. "Show me your stance," he said. 

She did, and he gestured towards her thigh. "You're still not putting your leg forward enough," he said. He was always a little more reluctant to touch her than the men, but otherwise treated her exactly the same. It felt nice, like she was really one of them.

Chizuru shifted her leg and nodded. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Mistakes are a step towards learning, there is no need to apologise. And you are much improved."

She felt flushed with pleasure. Saito was a man of few words, and disinclined towards praise. Every time she impressed him, even a little, she felt a warm sense of pride that motivated to try even harder. Chizuru had worried that being in close quarters with all these men might lead to someone realising her gender, or that an injury healing too fast might reveal her demon blood. But everyone was too focussed on her as a swordsman to notice anything else. And so she focussed on becoming a swordsman, and let her other worries fall away.

Saito approached her after the lesson was over. "I appreciate your hard work," he said. "But I hope you do not find the training too taxing." 

She shook her head. "It is hard, certainly, but I can feel myself growing stronger. And I would feel bad if I complained when everyone else is working just as hard as me."

"But you have other duties," he said. "I do not wish to make you too exhausted to perform them."

"It is not too much, but thank you for your concern." He wasn't entirely wrong: after this she had to finish peeling some vegetables for dinner, then check on some drying laundry. And then there was the cleaning... "Oh, that reminds me," she said. "Saito, can I ask you a favour?"

He looked at her in surprise. "If it is within my power," he said, "I would gladly help you in any way you need."

It was funny, she had used to think of Saito as cold, but he was really a very kind man. She smiled at him. "I've recently been helping Yamazaki with his medical duties. And one thing we've been doing is secretly cleaning Okita's room: he refuses to let anyone in but it's important for his health."

As far as Chizuru was aware, the only people who knew about Okita's tuberculosis were her, Dr. Matsumoto, Yamazaki, and Saito. She had a sudden vivid memory of Saito holding his hand over her mouth to stop her revealing them eavesdropping on the conversation where Okita was diagnosed. For some reason it had stuck in her memory. 

"You wish me to help you clean?" said Saito, in surprise. "I must admit, I do not have much experience in such tasks, but..."

She laughed at the mental image of Saito applying the same serious intensity to removing dust as he did to swordsmanship. "No!" she said, "Yamazaki and I will do the cleaning. But I was hoping you could keep an eye on Okita this afternoon when you go on your rounds, to make sure he doesn't come back early." 

"Ah," said Saito. "Then yes, I would be glad to help." He paused and gave her a small smile. "I am glad to know you and Yamazaki are looking after Souji. There is not much I can do for him, and he is not always willing to look after himself."

"I know!" said Chizuru, "It's so frustrating!" Her repressed frustration threatened to spill forth and she had to force herself to modulate her tone, lest someone hear. She cared about Okita, which tended to involve a lot of time spent wanting to slap him. "He should be resting with a doctor's care, not fighting!" 

"I agree," said Saito. "And yet, I do not know if I would I behave very differently, were I in his position. Souji defines himself entirely as a warrior. It is difficult to let go of that self definition, even at the risk of death.

"I...I suppose I can understand that," said Chizuru. "But there's more to him than just his sword. More to both of you."

Saito gave her an almost puzzled look. "Thank you," he said. She wasn't sure he actually believed her.

* * *

Souji wanted to kill someone and the gods were not making it easy. His chest burned and his mind buzzed and he needed the cool simplicity of violence to find peace in himself. 

But the people of Kyoto were being uncharacteristically calm, law abiding, and peaceful. The sun shone, children played, and the ronin had apparently all decided to take a nap. It was maddening. 

He leaned over and knocked his shoulder into Hajime's. "Hajime I'm bored, can we start a fight?"

"No," said Hajime, keeping his eyes forward and his tone flat.

"I wouldn't even have to kill anyone," Souji whined. "I could just maim them a little and then stop. I would be proving that the Shinsengumi are merciful."

Hajime just snorted in amusement and didn't reply.

"What the hell are you doing here?!"

Souji's heart soared. Was that rough, angry voice directed at him? But then he turned to face this miraculous benefactor and was confronted with the smug face of Takeda Kanryusai, in his Shinsengumi blues no less. He wasn't allowed to kill Takeda!

"We are doing our rounds," said Hajime, before Souji could reply with something ruder. 

"It's our turn," said Takeda. "Are you saying we haven't got things covered?" Takeda was accompanied by some lackey Souji hadn't bothered to learn the name of. He sneered at Souji and Souji grinned at him in return, showing his teeth.

"We're saying you can't manage a simple schedule," said Souji with a smile. "It's the twelfth, which means it's Hajime and me. But if you want to help, we won't stop you tagging along."

"Fuck you," said Takeda. "The twelfth is for us. Get off our streets."

" _Your_ streets?" asked Souji with mock surprise. He tilted his head. "I don't see your name on them." Childish, yes, but Takeda was a simple-minded man.

"Souji," said Hajime. "Don't antagonise him." 

"Yeah!" said Takeda. "Run off home like a good little boy and stop causing trouble."

Souji narrowed his eyes and put his hand on his sword. He'd show this bastard _trouble_.

" _Souji_ ," said Hajime. _You know what Kondou would think of you picking fights with other Shinsengumi._ He didn't even need to say it.

"I really hate you sometimes," Souji muttered, then took his hand off his sword. "Fine," he said, smiling at Takeda. "If you want to do our job for us, then go ahead." He gave a cheery wave. "Have fun!"

And then he turned around and started walking back to headquarters before his better instincts lost their weak and temporary hold over him. 

"Do you wish to spar?" asked Hajime as they passed under the gate.

"You want to spar with me _now_?" asked Souji. If anyone knew how to recognise Souji's more dangerous moods, it was Hajime. And Souji was feeling _very_ dangerous right now.

"Why not," said Hajime. "You can imagine I'm Takeda."

Souji snickered. That did have some appeal. "It's your funeral."

Hajime gave a small smile. "We will see."

No-one else fought quite like Hajime. Not just because he was left handed, or because of his prodigious skill. He threw his whole self into every fight, even sparring, graceful and relentless. It was like fighting a typhoon. Souji could throw himself in entirely as well and not have everything be over in seconds. Even after years of familiarity with each other's styles every fight was a surprise, like going on a journey to a new land with a familiar companion. 

Souji didn't even mind that he was losing. The sharp pain of Hajime's successful attacks just kept his blood pumping. He hit back ferociously, but only managed a few glancing blows. They were normally more evenly matched...or perhaps he should say, they used to be. Maybe those days were gone. But at least for now, he could still put up a good fight, and he revelled in the dance of their swords.

"Do you wish to rest?" asked Hajime, as his wooden sword gently tapped against Souji's stomach. Souji shook his head. He was pretty sure at this point that Hajime knew about his illness: he fought Souji just as hard, but was more inclined to suggest rests, and more careful to avoid causing any serious injury. If he was honest with himself, Souji appreciated it, even while the knowledge that he was being coddled made his blood boil. 

As they began another bout, it occurred to Souji that he really couldn't ask for a better friend than Hajime: he was fun to fight with, put up with Souji's jokes, and didn't expect anything more from Souji than mutual respect as warriors. Other men expected their friends to be into drinking and women and _talking about their emotions_ and Souji had never seen the point. As far as he could tell, Hajime felt the same way. They were warriors, nothing more and nothing less. Everything else was an irritating distraction. Hajime could be kind, in his way, but he wasn't interfering, and didn't seem to mind that Souji rarely reciprocated with much kindness of his own. Yes, Hajime was a rare diamond in a sea of irritating losers.

And as if summoned by his thoughts, Sano and Heisuke wandered past and then sat down to watch the fight. Souji didn't _hate_ these guys the way he did Takeda, he even enjoyed their company sometimes, but too much of them and he started getting a headache. Hopefully they weren't going to take the fun out of this match.

"So Saito," said Sano. "What's this I hear about you having training sessions with Chizuru? Nice work, I guess you're not so bad with women after all."

Hajime froze, just for a second, which gave Souji the perfect opportunity to strike, arcing his sword to hit Hajime in the shoulder. He smiled to himself as Hajime winced. Yeah, that one was going to leave a bruise.

As he looked at Hajime's face, Souji realised his cheeks had a faint flush. Was he embarrassed by Sano's teasing? But Sano was _always_ saying shit like that... _oh ho_ , could there actually be something going on between him and Chizuru? Who'd have guessed? But Chizuru was a nice enough girl, as girls went, and they spent a lot of time together. It made a certain amount of sense.

Souji was surprised to notice himself feel a little pang of jealousy. But the part of him that actually cared about Hajime's well being had to admit that Chizuru could offer Hajime a lot of things Souji couldn't. That and the reverse was true, Chizuru might be getting less terrible at swordsmanship but she'd never be able to offer Hajime the challenge Souji did. The thing taking _that_ away was Souji's body, not Chizuru.

Hajime put down his sword. Souji sighed and put his down too. There went the sparring match.

"I would never take advantage of my position to do anything inappropriate," said Hajime, his voice ever so slightly weaker than normal. 

_But you've thought about it, huh,_ thought Souji. He'd never noticed Hajime show any sign of interest in Chizuru, but it wasn't like he was a very expressive guy. And Hajime would rather die than behave unchivalrously. It was sort of sweet, in a pathetic sort of way. Would he ever say anything? Did Chizuru even like him back? Souji pondered it for a moment and then decided it wasn't his problem.

"That's what they all say," said Sano, with a wink. Yeah, Souji could just imagine what _he'd_ be like training a girl.

"Jealous, Sano?" said Souji. He was fairly sure Sano wasn't actually interested in Chizuru, except to the extent that he was interested in all women on principle. But that was no reason not to take a jab at his ego.

Sano shrugged. "Maybe a little. Aren't you?"

Souji shrugged. "I have my own students. And Nomura's more fun to bruise."

" _I_ think it's great Chizuru is learning to protect herself," said Heisuke. "And Hajime's good at teaching."

"It's our job to take care of her, she shouldn't have to worry about it," said Sano. "And I know you wouldn't do anything inappropriate, Saito. But doesn't it feel weird? Training a girl?"

"I am less bothered by her gender, and more by the fact that she is a civilian," replied Hajime. "She does not have a warrior's spirit. But as Souji pointed out to me, she still lives a life surrounded by battle, and there may be times when none of us is there to keep her safe. It is my duty to protect her, and training her to protect herself assists with that duty.

"Finally someone listens to me," said Souji, before Sano could offer any more witty retorts. "Anyway, this has all been super fun but if it's all right with you guys I'm going to go sit alone in my room for a while and forget all of you idiots exist."

"I'll come with you," said Hajime.

Souji ignored him and kept walking. "That would negate the part where I get to _sit alone_."

Hajime quickly strode to catch up with his itty bitty legs. "I will not stay long."

Had Souji thought Hajime was a good friend? He took it back. Hajime was as annoying as the rest of them.

"Fine," he muttered. They walked for a while in silence. "So is there anything you wanted to talk about or are you just lonely?"

"I wanted to remind you to double check the schedule, Souji," said Hajime, his voice oddly loud. "I am fairly sure that we were in the right today in our conflict with Takeda, but we should make sure."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," said Souji, as they reached his door. Wait, was that the sound of the other door to his room being closed?

He opened the door and looked inside. It all seemed normal but there was a strange smell, like...soap? And the floor had a subtle sheen to it, as if slightly damp. Souji glared suspiciously at Hajime. "Hmm."

Hajime returned his gaze coolly.

"You've been spending too much time with Chizuru," said Souji. "She's a bad influence." And then he shut the door in his face.

* * *

Commander Hijikata found her laying out pickled plums in the sunshine to dry.

"What's this I hear about you giving up training?" he said. "Have you gotten lazy, or did one of the men do something offensive?"

"No!" said Chizuru. She was such an idiot. "They didn't do anything wrong! And I'm going to start training again. I had...I was being silly."

"Good," said Hijikata. "I'm not going to make a girl learn to fight if she doesn't want to, but you do seem to keep throwing yourself into combat situations."

She laughed self consciously.

"You're not usually prone to silliness, though, Yukimura. If something is bothering you, I want to hear about it."

"Oh but it is silly," said Chizuru. "I'm embarrassed to even tell you."

He raised one eyebrow and waited patiently. She felt like a little kid having to confess to breaking a jar. She looked away and took a deep breath before steeling herself for him to think her the most ridiculous girl he'd ever met. "Nomura and Souma told me I was looking more manly," she said. They'd been so proud of her, too, and she'd had to pretend to take it as a compliment. "Because of all the training. And I-"

She was interrupted by Hijikata making a muffled snort. "Sorry," he said. "It's just not what I was expecting." He _did_ think she was ridiculous. Because she was. He coughed and schooled his face into a more serious expression, clearly waiting for her to continue. Fine, she might as well give him the whole ridiculous story.

"And I really looked at myself, and I _have_ gotten more muscular." She had _biceps_ now. Women weren't supposed to have biceps! "So I..." She covered her face and said the rest in a rush. "I thought no-one would ever want to marry me. Which is so silly, I don't have time to worry about that, I know. I can't marry anyone if I'm _dead_. But I had a moment of self doubt while I was training, and....and that's why I wanted to stop." 

She forced herself to look up at Hijikata, to see if he was laughing at her, but he was just giving her a sad smile. "I'm sorry, Yukimura," he said. "You _should_ be able to worry about that sort of thing. But you're right, looking pretty won't do you much good if you're dead."

She nodded sadly.

He gave a long sigh. "Yukimura. I'm only going to say this once, but-" He closed his eyes and steeled himself, like he was having to pass on bad news. "You're not a bad looking girl. So what if you've got a little meat on your bones? Shows you're capable. Men like that."

She wasn't entirely sure they did, on the whole. But she felt better regardless. "Thank you, Hijikata," she said. "I'm sorry I'm so...that I'm being so immature. You shouldn't have to baby me."

He shrugged. "Even I know how much a big deal marriage is for women. It's not immature for you to worry about it." He stood up and dusted himself off. "But now that's settled, can I rely on you to keep training?"

"Yes," she said, giving a determined nod.

"Good," he said. "Now go tell Saito, he was quite worried. And...and I wouldn't leave it too long." 

Hijikata's tone was oddly sad. Had Saito been _that_ worried? She bowed quickly and ran.

* * *

Souji stared at Chizuru in surprise.

"A gift? For Hajime?"

"Yes," she said. "To thank him for training me. I accidentally gave him the impression I didn't like how he teaches, and want to get across how grateful I am."

"Nomura and Souma never got me gifts," he said, pouting. "It makes me feel like they don't like me."

"Oh, but I'm sure they do," said Chizuru, showing every sign of sincerity. "They really appreciate how much you challenge them! That's why they chose you as their teacher."

Souji suspected it was more the sort of youthful macho posturing that made men fight tigers: Souji was a torture they were testing themselves against, not a beloved mentor. But he found Chizuru's oblivious optimism endearing.

"You know it's Hajime's _job_ , right? To train the more incompetent Shinsengumi? Do you get a gift for the servants every time they clean your chamber pot?"

"But I'm not really Shinsengumi," she said. "I know a lot of men wouldn't have been willing to train me, and he's been really nice about it."

_Yeah, I bet he has_ , thought Souji. "Nicer than he is to the others?" he snickered. "Is he being soft on you, then?"

"No!" said Chizuru. "He doesn't pretend I am any better than I am. He's just...he treats me exactly the same as the others. Like I have a right to be there."

Actually Saito was absurdly impressed with her progress, he'd been practically effusive. Souji found this amusing, although having watched a training session or two he had to admit that Chizuru's _determination_ was admirable even if her technique was still deficient.

"Yeah, you're shit," he said. "Better than you used to be, but still shit. I guess I can see why you think Hajime needs compensation for wasting his time with you."

A frown flickered across Chizuru's face as she bit down on her annoyance at being insulted. _You try very hard to be a nice girl,_ he thought, _but there's some steel in there under the sugar._

But she refused to let his teasing distract her from her mission. "So do you have any ideas?" 

If this was any other girl, he'd take her determination as proof that she returned Hajime's feelings, but the problem with Chizuru was that she was nice to everyone. She could be in love with half the Shinsengumi or none of them and it would be hard to tell. He briefly wondered how many of them had fallen in love with her, it didn't take much for most men to fall for a pretty face. But it was Hajime's feelings he actually cared about, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be part of giving Hajime more reason to pine annoyingly unless he was sure there was actually much chance that Hajime and Chizuru would...get married, or whatever.

"Nope," he said, cheerfully. "I am not in the habit of giving people gifts, so it's not something I think about. Just use your imagination!"

"Oh," she said, sadly. "I thought, since you were friends..."

"Hajime and me have the kind of friendship where we don't do nice things for each other. You should try it." Chizuru's lips thinned in frustration and he laughed. She was so much fun to poke at. Well, while he was on a roll... "Specifically, you should stop cleaning my room. I didn't ask you to do it, and if you keep coming in here without my permission I'll kill you. That goes for Yamazaki too."

She opened her mouth to deny it but her stupidly honest soul wouldn't let her. "I'm just trying to look after you," she said. "I don't want you to get sicker." Souji noticed that she didn't acknowledge Yamazaki's involvement, it was almost sneaky in a pointlessly protective sort of way. But that was her whole deal, wasn't it? She wanted to protect everyone, even though it was their job to protect her. "I'm sorry I invaded your privacy. But your room needs to be cleaned. Would you rather I did it when you were here?"

"Just sit and watch you clean my room? Lying back on my futon while you scrub my floor? It does have a certain appeal." He though about leering, but it would probably go over her head, and anyway Chizuru was so innocent it felt sleazy to make dirty jokes at her. He sighed. "I'll think about it."

"Thank you!" she said, like he was doing her a favour. "Let me know when it's convenient! I don't have time now but I can do it tomorrow afternoon, or the morning after..."

He waved his hand to dismiss her. "I said I'll think about it. You're getting on my nerves, go away."

"Ok," she said. "And think about a gift for Saito too, if you can!"

"You really don't give up, do you?" he said.

She smiled at him, and he could definitely see the steel now. "No," she said. "I don't." And then she gave him a cheerful wave and walked away.

* * *

Yukimura's face was flushed, and strands of hair stuck to her sweat stained forehead, falling into her eyes as she slept. 

Hajime was frozen between the desire to stay and care for her and the deep seated knowledge that he shouldn't be here at all. He had been ordered to visit headquarters as little as possible, and never show any sign of seeing the Shinsengumi as anything but enemies. Not until his undercover mission amongst The Guardians of the Imperial Tomb was complete. What damage could he do to the mission if he was seen, here, in Yukimura's room? Hijikata had mentioned that she was sick, that he was worried about her, but surely he hadn't intended for Hajime to respond like this.

She gave a soft cough and winced, as if she had no escape from the pain of her illness even in dreams. Hajime went to fetch a bucket of cold water.

Yukimura's voice was soft and cracked, as if every word hurt to say. "I miss training with you," she said. "Inoue's nice, but..." She trailed off, and looked oddly sad. Gen's technique was workmanlike, but solid. He was a good teacher for those at Yukimura's level. There was no reason she should prefer training with Hajime. Yet it made him feel warm to hear her say it.

He thought of her often, these days. His life with the Guardians was one long lie, and while he had no qualms about the rightness of his actions he missed being able to trust his commander and being able to respect those he trained with. And he missed the honesty and quiet connection of his interactions with Yukimura. He could no longer pretend to himself that he cared about her only because he had been ordered to, but as long as these feelings did not interfere with his duty he saw no reason to deny them. 

Her hand was so warm in his. He hoped it would not be long before her fever broke, and was glad he could offer her this small comfort. As she slowly drifted off to sleep, he wondered when they would speak again. Would her honest spirit resent his lie? Or would Itou's more devious mind see through him and have Hajime killed before she had a chance to find out the truth?

As he quietly snuck through the corridors, he heard coughing from Souji's room. Yukimura wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping comfortably. Hajime put his hand on Souji's door, and silently wished his friend well. And then he left, and tried to put all thoughts of the Shinsengumi behind him.

* * *

Kimigiku settled herself lightly into a corner booth and scanned the tea shop again to be sure of the terrain. There was only one entrance, which made things easier, but the angle of the counter made it hard for her to see past that entrance to the street outside. She would have to react to any oncoming threats quickly.

She flicked her eyes over to the Princess's table. It was the next one along the wall, with the Princess safely back behind the thick wooden table, and the Princess's friend acting as a buffer between the Princess and the rest of the room. All things being equal Kimigiku would rather keep them both safe, but if push came to shove her loyalties were clear.

The few customers in the store seemed harmless: an old man, a young couple, and a mother with her child. But you could never be sure. There was the sound of metal against stone from behind a curtain and Kimigiku tensed for a moment before reassuring herself that it was just someone preparing food in the kitchen. She smoothed out her breathing. Everything was clear.

"More tea, miss?"

Kimigiku lowered her eyelashes demurely and nodded. It was important not to stand out.

As she sipped her tea she looked over at the Princess. She was smiling, something she had little enough opportunity to do these days. There were so few demon women of the Princess's age and class, it was good that she'd found a friend. Chizuru did not have a strong grasp yet of what it really meant to be a demon, but she was a kind hearted girl with a warm nature that made her hard not to like. And she made the Princess smile: Kimigiku would like her for that alone.

But was it Kimigiku's imagination, or was Chizuru's energy a little more subdued today? She looked at Chizuru's round, open face and tried to decide if the pinkness around her eyes was a sign of tears. And then, to her surprise, Chizuru started looking back.

"Um. Kimigiku," said Chizuru, with a small smile. "I wanted to ask you something, if that's alright?"

She blinked. Was Chizuru talking to _her_? She felt a slight flash of annoyance at having her anonymity undermined. It was harder for any attackers to neutralise her if they didn't realise she was there. But what was done was done.

"Of course."

"Can you give me some advice on where to buy good quality sword oil?"

"Sword oil?" Kimigiku looked at her in surprise, wondering if she'd misjudged Chizuru entirely, but her self conscious smile implied she was exactly as unfamiliar with the topic as Kimigiku would have guessed. "For what manner of sword?"

Chizuru's face fell. "Oh no, does it matter? I just use whatever is cheap. Um. He has a katana and a wakizashi? I think they're made of...steel?"

Kimigiku had to stop herself laughing. That didn't really help narrow it down. "I take it this is for a member of the Shinsengumi?" 

Chizuru bit her lip, as if somehow unsure of the answer. "It's a gift for my teacher," she said. "His friend said he'd like it, and I wanted to buy him some, but there were so many types that I couldn't decide, and then..." Her lip quivered, but she took a breath and recovered her equanimity. "I thought you might be able to offer me some advice."

"Ah," said Kimigiku. She was a little curious, now, about this teacher of Chizuru's who might or might not be a member of the Shinsengumi. But it was not her place to ask. "Well if it's a gift, I know a company that sells a good quality oil in a very visually pleasing red glass bottle. I cannot guarantee that it would be the perfect oil for your teacher's swords, but he would be bound to find it useful, at the very least."

The Princess laughed. "Yet you tut at me when I buy it myself!"

Kimigiku smiled. This was an old argument. "Because I know your sword, Princess, and there are oils better suited to it, even if their bottles aren't as pretty."

"You use a sword, Sen?" asked Chizuru with surprise.

"All demons learn at least a little sword training," she replied. "Even princesses."

"You sell yourself short, Princess," said Kimigiku. "Your skill is unparalleled amongst the women of your class." She bowed her head slightly and turned to Chizuru. "I guard the Princess because it is my duty to protect her as ruler of our clan, not because she is incapable." 

The Princess waved away Kimigiku's praise. "It is hard not to be unparalleled when the others don't even try. But you are learning to fight yourself, Chizuru?"

Chizuru nodded. "Though I'm not very good. Sometimes I think I'll never be any good, because I'm a girl. But then I remember you, Kimigiku, and I am inspired to try harder. You're so elegant and strong!"

The look of surprise on Kimigiku's face was intense enough to send the Princess into giggles. But having a highborn demon see _her_ as a role model didn't happen every day. 

"Kimigiku inspires me to try harder, too," said the Princess.

Oh. Perhaps it did.

* * *

Souji had almost convinced himself he was looking forward to killing Hajime.

He'd never had a reason to kill someone he actually liked before. Well, someone he _used_ to like, it was impossible to keep liking anyone who was willing to betray Kondou, who could declare loyalty to the Shinsengumi and it's Chief and then turn around and side with their enemies. Souji had been loyal to Kondou since before there even was a Shinsengumi, had known since childhood that Kondou was the only person in the world whose existence meant a damn. Those who couldn't see that deserved no mercy. 

Would Souji feel guilty? Would Hajime's face haunt his dreams? That would have been an interesting change from Souji's usual indifference. Not that his feelings mattered either way: he was the Sword of the Shinsengumi, and Hajime was an enemy. Swords don't care about things like friendship.

He'd told Chizuru that, when she asked. She hadn't seemed very happy with his answer.

But the moment Souji realised he wouldn't have to kill Hajime, that Hajime had never betrayed any of them, Souji was filled with a fierce and surprising joy. He was still angry, mind you: he didn't like being lied to, or manipulated, least of all on Hijikata's orders. But it was a bright, friendly sort of anger, the sort that leads to a fun sparring match, not a deadly blood feud.

Unfortunately, he didn't have the energy for a sparring match right now, so he had to put up with Hajime visiting him in his room like a fucking _invalid_. It was getting harder and harder to just ignore the fact that he had tuberculosis. Didn't his body know he had more important things to worry about?

Luckily, Hajime didn't fuss over him or make sad faces at how thin he'd gotten. He just sat next to Souji and gave a brief run down of the situation with the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb, who sounded like they were actually worse than Souji's expectations. 

"I'm glad you weren't actually stupid enough to join them," he said.

"It was not a matter of intelligence," said Hajime. "Itou is a very intelligent man. But he is not an honourable one."

"He's going to be a _dead_ man soon," said Souji, with a grin. How dare that bastard plan to kill _Kondou_?! One death wouldn't be enough for him.

There was a voice at the door. "Okita? I was wondering if you wanted some porridge."

"Come in, Chizuru," said Souji. He smiled at Hajime. "She make me porridge all the time, you know. It's not bad, either." Hajime had never shown the slightest sign of jealousy about Chizuru's interactions with other men, but it was still fun to tease him. But Hajime just smiled, as if the thought of Chizuru caring for Souji made him happy. Honestly, no wonder Hajime had a reputation for being bad with women, even Souji had a better grasp of the way you were supposed to behave about these things.

Chizuru came in holding a tray with a steaming bowl on top of it, but froze when she saw Hajime. He looked up at her and they both tried not to blush, though only Hajime succeeded. Well, that answered that question.

"Can I have my porridge?" said Souji. He opened his mouth expectantly. 

Chizuru managed to tear her eyes from Hajime and pouted at him. "You're not _that_ sick," she said. 

He pouted back. "Then I'm not that hungry."

"You need to eat! Okita!" She glared at him, then turned to Hajime. "Can you help me make him eat?"

"I have yet to learn the knack of making Souji do anything," said Hajime. Ha! 

Chizuru looked disappointed, and then frowned at Souji, and then at the bowl of porridge, clearly unable to decide whether she was willing to let him get away with being such a brat. He was pretty sure she would, in the end. That was why being a brat was so rewarding.

Hajime watched her for a moment, and then reached for the tray. "Here," he said. "If Souji is to be fed, there is no reason you should have to do it. You have laboured enough already."

Souji laughed. He loved how strange Hajime could be. "What if I don't want to be fed by you," he said. "Chizuru's a lot cuter."

Hajime's eyes narrowed slightly and he just silently held a spoonful of porridge towards Souji, as if daring Souji to test his patience. Hajime's patience ran pretty deep.

Since he was actually a little hungry, Souji opened his mouth and let himself be fed. But then he had to wail around a mouthful of porridge. "Mmph! Too hot!"

"I apologise," said Hajime. He filled the spoon again, but blew on it this time, his expression serious and focussed. He was clearly thinking carefully about exactly how much cooling the porridge would require. He fed it to Souji and it was just right.

Souji was filled with some emotion he couldn't define. He never in a million years would have _asked_ Hajime to feed him, but having him do so was...something. Comforting, perhaps.

He looked up and saw Chizuru _beaming_. Yes, yes, they were adorable. "Isn't it wonderful having Saito back?" she said.

Souji shrugged. "As long as he keeps feeding me," he said, and opened his mouth for another taste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm annoyed I couldn't use honorifics in this fic, but the game localisation doesn't include them and I don't trust myself to get them right by just listening, especially since Chizuru isn't voiced. I have trouble enough keeping track of who uses what names for who, I'm sure I've gotten it wrong a few times. Just pretend it's a slip of the tongue ;)


	2. Chapter 2

The good thing about moving out of the Shinsengumi headquarters so soon after coming back is that he didn't have much to pack. 

"Saito? I've brought your...oh."

Yukimura was standing at the door with her arms full of his cleaned laundry, looking at his half packed possessions. "Thank you," he said. "Those will be useful." He held out his hands and she handed over the clothes, their fingers lightly brushing together. She stood very still, and her face was sad. 

"Do you really have to go? It's not fair."

"Fair?" he said. Did she mean she on herself? No, it was more likely that she meant it wasn't fair on him. "It is in my best interests to leave. With time and separation, people's resentment of me will pass."

"But they shouldn't resent you at all! If you just explained..."

He shook his head. "To explain that my support of Itou was a subterfuge would expose Hijikata and Kondou to censure for ordering me to behave duplicitously. That would tarnish the name of the Shinsengumi as a whole. _My_ name has no value to anyone but myself, and I do not consider it harmed by these false assumptions."

"But _you_ are harmed," she said. "You were _beaten_."

"Not very badly," said Hajime. Yukimura's expression implied that she considered this a contradiction in terms, and he hoped she would always be able to hold onto such innocence. "And I will be safe in my new post."

She shook her head, unconvinced, but didn't argue further. Instead she just stood in his doorway, fidgeting, like she wanted to say something but was too shy to express it. It was impossibly endearing.

"Yukimura? If there is nothing else I should return to packing."

She just fidgeted more intensely. "Um..." she started, and then she looked as if she was about to turn away. But then her expression turned determined. "I...I got you a gift."

"A gift?" His heart stopped for a beat.

"Yes," she said, her voice becoming fast and nervous. "I actually got it to thank you for being my teacher, but then you left, and then when you came back everything was so hectic, and now you're leaving again. So I guess it's a going away present. But it's a thank you present too." She patted her kimono and then bit her lip. "Now I've made it sound like a big thing! It's very small. I don't know if you'll like it."

"I will," he said. That she had thought of him at all brought him happiness beyond description. Their eyes met and he saw that she believed him, and that it made her glad. He felt himself smile, even without meaning to. There was no space in his life for love, no way he could be the kind of a man a woman like Yukimura deserved. But in these small moments with her there was a beauty he cherished.

She reached into her kimono and took out a small bottle. "Here," she said. Their fingers brushed again as he took it, and though he had no intention of asking to hold her hand, he wondered what she would say if he did.

"Sword oil?" It was good quality, too, if he recognised the brand correctly, though he remembered it being a little more expensive than it should be. The bottle was pretty, though, a deep red that made him think of the ties in Yukimura's long dark hair.

"Is that too strange? I asked Okita and he said it was something you'd appreciate. Though that was months ago. Maybe you don't need it now."

"I always need sword oil," he said. "Thank you. This is a wonderful gift." Knowing that Souji had helped pick it made him happy, too. He knew how hard it was for Souji to let himself do anything nice.

Yukimura beamed, her beautiful face flush with joy. "I'm so glad!'

Hajime had no defence against the full force of Yukimura's smile. "I should get back to packing," he said, before he ended up making a fool of himself.

Her smile fell a little, and he cursed himself as a tactless oaf. But this was why he needed to keep things between them professional: she was such a kind hearted woman that she might take pity on his pathetic state, and be trapped with someone who could only make her unhappy.

"If I don't see you again...good bye, Saito," she said. "I will look after Okita for you." 

"For me? Surely you should after him for himself."

Yukimura smiled. "Yes, that too," she said. "And Saito: I won't be able to look after you any more. So please look after yourself for me."

She looked at him very seriously. He could hardly tell her no. "I will," he said.

* * *

Saito was covered in blood. It clung to the gashes in his clothing, dripped from his mouth, and stained his hair, which was now white as snow.

He was suffering all this because of her. He had sacrificed his _humanity_ to protect Chizuru, to follow his orders to keep her safe, and it was killing him. The Water of Life had made him stronger, and he fought as hard and as brilliantly as ever, but he was still no match for Kazama's demon strength. 

Kazama was only here because of Chizuru and her value as a bride, as a pure blooded mother for his children. Because she was a demon, and a woman. There was no reason a human man like Saito should have to face such a foe. And now, because of her, because of her father's serum, he had lost that humanity, and become a Fury, doomed to lose his mind to an endless hunger for blood. What would that mean, for a man like Saito, who put so much value in honour and loyalty and doing what was right? How long would it be before he felt himself turning into a monster that threatened everything he held dear? 

Chizuru gripped her sword and cursed her own weakness. All this talk of her pure demon blood, so many hours spent training, and for what? Kazama hadn't even seen her as a threat, he'd just knocked her to the ground like the irrelevance she was.

Kazama did see Saito as a threat. Despite Kazama's arrogant posturing, she could hear a little raggedness in his breath, and his clothes had their own scattering of cuts. But he was winning, and he knew it. 

Kazama raised his sword. "Are you ready to die?"

Saito showed no sign of fear or regret. Chizuru could see that the answer was _yes_. 

"Stop!"

For a moment Chizuru thought it might be her own voice. But it was not. It was...Sen? And Kimigiku, and a man who looked remarkably like Kaoru- which is to say, like Chizuru, his strangely familiar face framed by short dark hair. What was going on? Could they really be saved?

"Kazama Chikage!" hissed Sen, her voice fierce. "Having broken the Demon Code by interfering with human affairs, do you compound your sin by attempting to abduct this demon woman against her will?" Her eyes were wide and burned with a fiery determination Chizuru had never seen before. For the first time she properly understood that Sen was a _Princess_ , the powerful leader of a demon clan. Even Kazama seemed intimidated, though he tried not to let it show.

Kazama's eyes narrowed. "It is my right," he said. "She has no protector, and I would treat her well."

Chizuru doubted _intensely_ that marriage to Kazama would involve anything resembling decent treatment. And she had many protectors, most especially Saito, for all that Kazama had done his best to take him from her.

"She is under the protection and jurisdiction of the Yase clan!" Sen stepped towards Kazama and he stepped ever so slightly back. "You have been judged at the highest level and found wanting. If you persist in harassing her, you will be branded a stray demon and your clan will lose their status. Do you understand?" Kimigiku and the man didn't speak, but stood behind Sen looking intimidating. 

Kazama stared at her, shoulders slightly bowed and eye twitching. "I understand," he said, bitterly. Then he took a breath and stood straight again. "If she is under _demon_ protection then I am no longer needed." He smirked at Chizuru. "Try not to be so troublesome for this protector, girl, or you may find yourself without any at all." And then he vanished into the night.

What an _ass_. But at least he was gone. Chizuru let out a long, low breath of relief. "Thank you, Sen," she said. "That was amazing. You saved us!" 

"Indeed, you have my thanks," said Saito, his breath still weak. 

"I am only sorry we took so long to get here," said Sen. "We were being followed, and only just managed to lose our pursuers. Are you badly wounded?"

Saito shook his head. "I am, as you see, a Fury. My injuries are healed." His face was impassive, but Chizuru could sense that his heart was heavy. Hers was too. He was safe, now, but at the cost of much suffering, and there was no undoing what had been done.

"I am glad to hear it," said the man, in a voice that sounded like Kaoru's but deeper.

"Um," said Chizuru. She had to know, but how to ask? "Thank you for saving us. But, uh, are you..."

To her surprise, the man took her hands in his. "Don't you recognise me, little sister?" he said. "It's me, your brother Kaoru. I'm sorry I hid myself from you, and disguised my true nature. But we can be together now."

What?

Saito's eyes widened. "Her brother?" He looked to Chizuru for confirmation. 

"I...I'm sorry?" said Chizuru. He _did_ resemble her, but how...? And why had he pretended to be a woman? This was all too much at once.

"Ah, you have forgotten me," said Kaoru, sadly. "I suppose it _has_ been a long time. We were separated when our village was destroyed, and raised separately. But I always remembered you, sister, and wanted to find you again." He put his hand to the sword on his hip and Saito tensed. Kaoru gave him a narrow eyed smile. "Ah, I apologise, I mean no threat! I wish to show my sister what proof I have of my identity." And then he held up his sword and it was the twin of Chizuru's own. Two Yukimura swords, for two children of the Yukimura clan.

"You are my brother," said Chizuru, voice soft. She had a brother! And he had come to save her, when things were at their most dark! But... he had also worked against the Shinsengumi in Kyoto, and had chosen to hide his identity from Chizuru for many years. Chizuru could hardly fault him for hiding his gender, since she was doing exactly the same thing. But something about Kaoru made Chizuru wary, even though a part of her wanted to trust him completely. "How did you come to meet Kimigiku and Sen?"

"We met at a meeting amongst the local demon clans about various issues regarding the war," said Sen. "I was arguing for the right to challenge Kazama, and when Nagumo here heard your name he spoke up and volunteered to help."

"My adoptive clan, the Nagumo, are aligned with Kazama," said Kaoru. "But when I heard he planned to use you as a _broodmare_ I could not stay silent."

"Thank you both," said Chizuru. "Kazama has hurt so many people in his pursuit of me...I am so glad to know he is no longer a threat."

"As am I," said Saito.

"I won't let _anything_ threaten my adorable little sister," said Kaoru. 

"And I won't let anything hurt my friend," said Sen.

Kimigiku did not speak, but she nodded, and Chizuru felt a quiet certainty that she was committed to protecting Chizuru as well. She did not deserve so much kindness.

Suddenly Kaoru's face fell. "But sister, I have bad news. You were not the only member of our clan discussed at the meeting. We have dire news of Kodo, the man who calls himself your father."

"Calls himself?" A cold fear gripped Chizuru. It felt like everything was falling apart. Okita was dying, Saito had lost his humanity, the Shinsengumi as a whole seemed doomed to be eaten away by this terrible war. It had hurt enough to find out that her father was the one responsible for the Water of Life, and bringing Furies into the world. Was she to lose even her happy memories of her childhood with him as a loving father? What was she going to have left?

"I'm sorry, Sister," said Kaoru, his eyes twinkling with what might be tears. "Our real parents are dead, burned a decade past by the humans who destroyed our village. It was Kodo who saved us, and took you in as his daughter. He is a Yukimura, like us, but only a distant relative by blood." Kaoru sighed. "And he is performing terrible deeds in our clan's name."

"Oh no," said Chizuru. "So Amagiri was telling the truth. Father is working with the Imperial army." The fact that he was not her father by birth seemed almost secondary: he was still the man who'd raised her. But why had he lied about so much for so long?

"He is doing worse than that," said Sen, in a sad and serious tone. She put her hand on Chizuru's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Chizuru. I know this must hurt to hear. But Kodo is building his own army of Furies, one large and powerful enough to destroy _both_ sides of the war. We think he plans to take over Japan for himself."

Her kind, gentle father...how could he do such a thing? But the years of evidence against him had become too overwhelming to ignore. "We have to stop him," said Chizuru. "As his daughter, it is my responsibility. What can I do to help?"

Kaoru smiled. "Join us! We are tracking his movements, and have begun to gather clues as to where he might be storing his army. Perhaps, with your help, we may find him. Maybe we can even persuade him to turn from this path before it is too late."

Was that really possible? She wanted so much for it to be true, for there to be some way to stop her father without killing him. She had been trying to find him for so long, she didn't want that search to end with his death.

"You should go with them, Yukimura," said Saito, who had been listening quietly. "They can protect you better than...than us. And I am sure that with their help you can defeat Kodo, and restore your clan's name."

Did that mean he wouldn't join her? The idea of being separated from Saito again for so long made her feel an intense loneliness. But would it be fair of her to ask him to come?

"Don't worry, Saito," said Kaoru. "We demons will protect her. You should return to the Shinsengumi, and your human war. Those are your orders, are they not?"

"Yes," said Saito. But his eyes when he looked at Chizuru seemed conflicted.

"Saito," said Sen. "You may be human, but you are evidently a warrior of formidable skill. We would be glad to have you with us, if your duties permit it. "

"Indeed," said Kimigiku. "Kazama Chikage is known for his strength, even amongst demons. To have managed to hold your own against him at all is an achievement of great note. And you may be able to offer us inside information on the nature of these artificial demons that will make them easier to defeat." 

"Your cause is worthy," said Saito. "And such an army would no doubt attack the Shinsengumi in time, and overwhelm it. It is to all our benefit that you succeed. If Commander Hijikata orders me to assist you, I would do so gladly. But first I must report back."

So he might join them later, if Hijikata approved? That made her feel better, until she thought about Saito feeling obliged to involve himself in such a dangerous task. He had already suffered so much because of her and her father. 

"Thank you," said Chizuru. "But you need not...I don't want you to be hurt again." He gave her a small sad smile, and then looked away.

"It occurs to me," he said, "That perhaps you should all come with me. The threat of a Fury army is something that would affect both the Shinsengumi and the Shogunate, and they would benefit from any intelligence you can pass on. And while demons have the advantage of strength, my understanding is that humans have the advantage of numbers. It seems likely that we could offer some assistance, if only against Kodo's human allies."

Oh. He made a good point: Surely not _everyone_ involved in Father's plot was a demon or Fury. And if they were still gathering intelligence then the Shinsengumi's contacts could be invaluable. Perhaps there was no reason for her to part from Saito after all.

Sen looked at Kimigiku, and they communicated silently through a long look. "How far is your Commander?" asked Sen, turning back to Saito. "We do not have the luxury of much time, but you may be right that..."

Kaoru interrupted her with a loud sound of annoyance. "You are all very annoying, do you know that?" he said, his voice sounding different again: cruel, and bitter. "Especially you, Saito Hajime. You cheated me of being the one who forced you to take the Water of Life, and now you are cheating me of the heart-rending parting I spent so long setting up. But you will not cheat me of this!" And then he drew a pistol that had been tucked inside his kimono, and shot it into the air.

Saito took a step forward, his hand on his sword. The others followed suit, even Chizuru, though it hurt her heart to draw a sword on her brother so soon after discovering him. Assuming he _was_ really her brother.

Kaoru opened his eyes wide. "Would you really hurt Chizuru's beloved brother?" 

Saito's resolve didn't falter. "If it became necessary."

But before he could put his words into action, there was a rustling from the nearby trees and the dark filled with the glow of red eyes. It was a pack of Furies, armed with guns. They shambled forwards, their hair and teeth glinting white in the moonlight, and a cold chill ran down Chizuru's spine. But they did not attack, instead lining up behind Kaoru as if...as if protecting him. 

"If you value your lives," said Kaoru. "You will stand down."

Swords were returned to scabbards, and for a moment there was silence, as they all stared at Kaoru and he smiled back. It was a cruel, smug smile. Seeing a face so like her own so filled with malice made Chizuru feel cold and strange.

"I don't understand," she said. "Kaoru, what are you doing? Are you working with Father after all? But then why all the pretence?"

"I wanted to see the look on your face," he said. "When the one you love lost his humanity for you. When you were left abandoned. And I want to see the look on your face when you die. At least _that_ will not be denied me" Kaoru's eyes grew wide and his smile became more malicious. "I want to see you suffer, sister, as I have suffered. And you _will_." He spoke, then, of the life he had lived, of being tortured for being a boy, of worrying every day that Chizuru was suffering too, of his feelings when he discovered that her life had instead been easy and full of love, that she had _forgotten_ him. Chizuru felt so cold and empty she thought she might freeze. How much horror had been hiding under the surface of her happy, carefree life?

And then he raised his hands as if to signal his men to fire. Chizuru reached for her sword, but before she had even drawn it from her scabbard Saito had leaped in front of her and the two demon women were on the attack. 

Kimigiku's sword sliced towards Kaoru, and he had to take a step back when it struck his own. Chizuru heard a loud cry and a Fury fell, and then another. Sen flowed through the Furies like water, blood and death following in her wake. 

But it was not enough. The air filled with the sound of thunder and the smell of smoke. Chizuru heard Sen cry out, and then go silent. She heard Saito grunt in pain and then saw him stumble. But he could heal from bullet wounds, right?

Except he didn't seem to be healing. Even from behind she could see blood dripping from his chest and arms. And then she saw Kimigiku be shot as well, her attacks against Kaoru becoming weaker as she tried to battle through the pain. 

"I've changed my mind," said Kaoru, as he ducked Kimigiku's weakening attacks. "I want to see Saito die today. How would that make you feel, sister? Knowing that he died defending you?" And then he shot Kimigiku and she fell back, clutching her side. A wall of Furies surrounded Kaoru and he seemed untouchable.

"No! If you hate me then kill _me_." She tried to pull past Saito but he held her back with shaking, blood-covered hands.

"Yukimura," he said. "None of this is your fault, do not let this man make you feel any guilt. If my death will save your life then I will die with no regrets."

"You heard him," said Kaoru. And then Kaoru raised his gun and shot Saito in the chest. Saito's red eyes were clouded with pain, and when he tried to speak his words were obscured by a bubbling gush of blood. He made a quiet sound of pain, and then he fell.

He lay on the ground, unmoving, the centre of his chest a blooming flower of blood and gore.

"SAITO!" Chizuru heard herself scream and threw herself on his body, trying to wake him up. "I don't understand! You can heal! It's just a bullet!"

Kaoru smiled and pointed his gun towards her. "Do not underestimate the power of a silver bullet," he said. "They are painful for us demons, but for a fake they're deadly." 

And then he shot her and everything went black.

* * *

Saito's dreams were full of pain and blood. Faces loomed over him and stuck their hands inside his chest. He tried to move but he was encased in knives and every movement left painful gashes in his skin and left him panting with an unquenchable thirst.

When he woke, at last, it was in an unfamiliar bed. There was a medicinal smell in the air, and a sense of quiet. He tried to take a breath and his chest burned like there were shards of glass in his lungs. He felt flashes of pain from other parts too, trying to move his arms made him gasp with agony. It was only with supreme effort that he was able to move his hand to his chest. He felt a thin robe, and under that bandages. 

He was alive. 

He couldn't say how long he lay there, unable to move but in too much pain to sleep. Eventually he heard the sound of a sliding door being opened quietly, and footsteps coming towards him.

"Hello?" he croaked, his voice disturbingly weak. 

"Saito!" Dr Matsumoto beamed at him. "It is good to see you awake. You're a tenacious young man, not many would survive a gunshot wound to the chest, especially one so close to your heart."

"I...I don't understand..." He was a _Fury_ , parts of the battle were a blur but he remembered that much. Anything that didn't kill him should have healed in seconds.

Dr Matsumoto nodded in understanding. "The young man who brought you in said you'd been shot with silver bullets. Apparently they are harmful to those who have consumed the Water of Life. I have removed those that remained, but your wounds have been slow to close. You _are_ improving however, and if you rest I am sure you will make a full recovery." He chuckled ruefully. "Hopefully you will be better at resting than your friend."

Hajime's pain-addled brain struggled to follow so many words. "...young man?"

"He said his name was Nagumo Kaoru," said Dr Matsumoto. "I think he's a relative of Yukimura Chizuru. He had to leave, but he said to give you his regards, and to tell you he would see you again."

* * *

The only thing that kept Chizuru on her feet was a sense of duty. 

Sen had offered to let her stay in the Yase village and rest, but Chizuru felt like she might fade away into nothing without some task to keep her tethered to the world. Saito was dead because of her. Saito was dead at her brother's hand, and if her father wasn't stopped he was going to kill the Shinsengumi and destroy Japan. Everything she and family touched was cursed. But if she forced herself to keep moving there was a small chance she could make things right.

For a while her wound troubled her, for the first time in her life Chizuru knew what it was like to have to heal from an injury over time and she did not enjoy it. But worse was the memory of being shot, the pain and the triumphant expression in her brother's eyes when he shot her. To discover that she had a brother, and then so quickly to learn that his life had brought him so much suffering that now all her thought of was to bring her pain...

They travelled to Edo, and searched the house she'd once shared with her father. It was overgrown with weeds, and her happy memories were all tainted with the knowledge of the man her father had turned out to be. Had he always been this way? Had he thought of his patients as fodder for his army while he pretended to care for their ills? Or had something changed him, had the very act of creating the Water of Life turned him into the sort of person who would experiment on the innocent, who would see a deadly war only as a source of blood...

There were no answers for those questions here.

There seemed to be no answers anywhere. Using her contacts, Sen had traced Father's movements to a Choshu camp outside of Edo, but the information was weeks old and he was bound to have moved on by now. But it was all they had, so Chizuru stood and waited in the shadows outside the gate and pretended she was keeping an eye out for sentries and not being kept out of the way while Sen and Kimigiku did the real work.

"Who goes there?"

Chizuru jumped and barely contained a squeak. It was an Imperial soldier, his gun glinting in the moonlight. She held herself as still as she could in the shadows, trying to decide if it was safer to stay where she was or try to sneak off.

He was getting closer. She had to decide soon. She drew her sword and tried not to panic, as her heart beat so fast she thought it would come right out of her chest. She felt so frozen with fear she wasn't sure her legs would carry her even if she told them to.

He was so close. Soon he'd be in the shadows with her, and his eyes would adjust and what little advantage she had would be gone. If she ran he'd just shoot her in the back, not once but over and over. Were those silver bullets in his gun? Would it hurt less to be shot if the bullets were lead? The idea of being shot again set off some sort of basic instinct in the darker parts of her mind, and without even thinking she shifted her stance, stutter stepping towards him and bringing up her sword and then he was down and his breath gurgled and then stopped and she was shaking the blood off her sword and...

And he was dead?

He was dead. She'd killed him. How had that happened? She hadn't decided to kill him. 

She absently noted that her aim had been off: the growing pool of blood on his chest was to the side of his heart. If he'd been a Fury he'd have healed and gotten up and killed her by now.

But he wasn't. He was just an ordinary man and now he was dead. He looked like Saito had when he fell. Would someone miss him as she missed Saito? Had he been a good man, only trying to protect his people in a time of war?

And...had anyone heard him? There had been some...noise. Would she have to kill them too? _Could_ she? Chizuru's heart pounded like a drum and her stomach burned like cold fire in her stomach. She held her sword tight and stood and waited in the dark, the man she'd killed at her feet.

She was still standing there when Sen and Kimigiku came back.

* * *

It was good to have Hajime here. It wasn't good that he'd been shot, and made a Fury, and abandoned. If Souji had the chance he would wipe the whole Yukimura clan off the map for what they'd done to him. But from a purely selfish perspective, having him _here_ , with Souji, was good.

For a while it had just been Souji and Kondou, and that had been nice, the two of them discussing whatever book Kondou was reading or and just sitting in companionable silence. But then Kondou had healed, and thrown himself back into danger without Souji to protect him, and left Souji alone. 

Had Kondou missed Souji, when he was back with Hijikata and their men, when he was home with his wife and child? Or had it been a relief to return to those he really loved? 

After that, there had been the other Shinsengumi, battle worn and dispirited and only passing through on their way to more battles, and likely more defeat. They'd all thought Hajime was dead, and Chizuru with him, and Souji had wanted to throw their grief in their faces because if they cared so much then why had they let it happen? Were they even happy now that Hajime had turned out to be alive, or were they too busy caring about Gen and Yamazaki and poor little lost Chizuru? 

But he'd still missed them once they were gone.

Dr Matsumoto didn't count as company. Souji didn't like him, and the feeling appeared to be mutual. The good doctor was too professional to give Souji anything but the best care he could offer, but he had no interest in in him as a person, and no need of him as a sword. Souji's care was just a task for him to fulfil. And Souji had spent enough of his life feeling like an unwanted burden. 

But Hajime was here now, and he needed Souji's _help_. Not the sort of help Souji was used to offering: he was too sick for battle, and anyway there were no enemies here to fight. But Hajime was even sicker, at least for the moment, and struggling as Souji had struggled with the reality of being an invalid, unable to stand by those he had sworn himself to protect. When you felt like that, any distraction from your thoughts was a gift, and if Souji was good at anything other than killing it was at being distracting.

Hajime was still mostly stuck in bed, though he could at least sit up now. So Souji sat next to him and shared the most salacious wood-prints he'd been able to gather, implausible tales of honourable thieves and scheming snake charmers and evil sorcerers. They kept up with the more accurate news, as well, but that was usually less entertaining and more depressing. The war was not going very well.

"Have you heard any news of Yukimura," asked Hajime, as he did every day. It was getting annoying.

"Fuck Chizuru," said Souji. "She left you for dead." Souji had genuinely liked Chizuru, as much as he liked anyone, but it turned out he liked Hajime more. He'd _thought_ Chizuru cared about Hajime too, but apparently not. Not enough. Yet it was Chizuru that Hajime was concerned about, and Chizuru he would return to once he was healed. 

"Would you had rather she had stayed and been killed herself?" said Hajime, his voice hoarse. "And I don't _know_ if she left voluntarily, or if she was captured, or...or killed. That is why I wish for news." 

"Well I don't have any," said Souji, irritably. Neither of them were well suited to spending all day indoors with nothing to do, and while being together was better than being alone, they still sometimes got on each others nerves. It was night, so Souji couldn't even go outside without everyone scolding him for exposing himself to the cold. "What I have is..." He started to cough, and couldn't continue. Ugh, how annoying. He covered his mouth, it seemed unlikely that Furies could catch tuberculosis but stranger things had happened. 

When he took his hand away from his mouth it was spattered with blood. He grimaced and wiped it on his sleeve.

Hajime's eyes went wide. "Do you want me to call Dr Matsumoto?"

People made such a big deal about coughing up blood, as if it was the most significant part of having tuberculosis. But it wasn't usually that bad: a few drops here and there, nothing to worry about. The real problem was the coughing itself. The coughing, the pain, the nausea, and the paralysing, ever worsening weakness. _That_ was what made everything a misery.

So he waved off Saito's concern. What was a little more blood to men like them?

Except it wasn't a little more blood. Souji kept coughing and the blood kept coming, first thick drops and then a stream, so much it felt like his lungs were full of water, so much he could barely breathe. He doubled over and then fell to the floor, too weak to even cough any more, and felt warm liquid dribble down his chin, felt his kosode become damp. Something within him was _broken_.

He spasmed and struggled for breath, feeling like he was going to die, watching his blood soak into the straw of the tatami. At last it stopped. He coughed up the last of it and tried to catch his breath. He looked up: had Hajime left to get the doctor after all? That might actually be a good idea.

But Hajime hadn't left. He'd changed. He stared at Souji with hungry red eyes, his fierce expression framed by starkly pale wisps of white hair. 

Oh. Souji had known this was a danger, but actually seeing Hajime as a Fury... Hajime was always a little terrifying, but now there was death in his eyes, and that death was meant for Souji. He shivered. There was no way he could fight him off like this. 

"Hungry, Hajime?" he said, weakly, as he tried to shuffle backwards. His sword was on the dresser: was Hajime's mind too clouded for him to notice Souji reach for it? Would a sword even help? 

Hajime didn't move forward to follow Souji's cautious retreat. Instead he _whimpered_ , and closed his eyes. His hands reached up to grab at his own chest, tendons so tight it looks like he was trying to push his fingers through into his heart. For him to show pain like that, it must be unbearable.

In some ways, this was worse. 

But there was something that could be done about it, right? There had to be. Souji tried to shout out for help. "Doctor Matsumoto!" But his voice was too weak, and the attempt just caused him to start coughing again. 

Hajime curled into a ball, and began to groan. It made Souji feel twisted up and distressed. When had Hajime become so precious to him? ...it didn't matter. What mattered was that he was, and he was in pain.

"Hurts, huh?" said Souji, softly.

"It will pass," said Hajime, his voice hoarse and weak.

"Can I help?"

Hajime shook his head. But every now and then his eyes would open, and he would stare at Souji for a moment, his eyes following the movement of Souji's hands. 

Ah. His hands that were covered with blood.

Souji gave a small laugh. "We make a fine pair don't we. In case it's bothering you, I don't care that you want to drink my blood. Hell, you can have it, it's not doing me any good out here."

"Souji," said Hajime. "I can't. That would be..."

"What, disgusting? We're already disgusting. Look at us." And why not? He held his hand out. "I know you're not going to hurt me." If the tables were turned, Souji had no doubt that he'd have killed Hajime, would have given into the bloodlust the moment he was turned, and killed anyone in his path. But the Water of Life was no match for Hajime's self control.

And then Hajime took his hand and kissed it.

Ok, it wasn't actually a kiss. It was...Souji's mind supplied words like _suck_ and _lick_ that made the whole thing weirder than it already was. But Hajime's mouth and lips were on Souji's hands and suddenly Souji understood why disgusting things like kissing were so popular. His skin tingled, and he felt his breath speed up. He felt an uncharacteristic moment of embarrassment at his own weirdness. Twenty five years of almost no interest in sex, and then _this_ was what did it for him? At least Hajime was too distracted to notice, focussed entirely on capturing every drop of blood to feed his overwhelming hunger.

Somehow Hajime made it dignified. He was gentle and controlled, even in this, even though his mind must be screaming. 

Eventually Souji's hands were clean, and it was apparently not enough. Hajime was very close now, kneeling with his mouth a hands-breadth from Souji's chest. Souji could feel his breath, hot and tense.

"It's ok," said Souji.

"I'm sorry," said Hajime, and put his hand on Souji's shoulder before leaning down to put his mouth to Souji's neck.

"I don't know why you're apologising," said Souji, very aware of the restrained strength in Hajime's hands, the careful gentleness of his mouth. "You're helping me get clea-" His voice cut off in a gasp as Hajime chased the last few drops. Was this why he'd never felt much attraction to women? He was into men? But other men had expressed interest in the past and the idea had never had much appeal. Maybe it was just Hajime. Maybe it was just Hajime _as a Fury_. That would be a special level of fucked up, even for Souji.

"Did I hurt you?" Hajime looked at him with concern, though his red eyes still burned with hunger and Souji's blood had stained his lips. Souji wanted to kiss him, and almost convinced himself he'd be doing Hajime a favour if he did. But Hajime was a romantic, deep down, and Souji couldn't bring himself to give Hajime a kiss so unclean. 

Instead he patted Hajime on the head. "I'm fine." He laughed. "It's like being licked by a kitten. I thought Furies were supposed to be fierce." 

Hajime didn't reply. He didn't look fierce. He looked beaten. Ah, he was out of blood, and the pain hadn't passed.

"Do you want me to get you some fresher blood?" said Souji. "I can probably spare a little. Or we could kill that annoying guy next door who keeps waking us up with his singing. We'd be performing a public service."

"Souji," said Hajime, and then he closed his eyes and turned away. 

Souji hadn't been kidding about offering his own blood, but there was no way Hajime would take it. Not when it really would do Souji some serious harm to lose any more. So he put his hand on Hajime's shoulder. "You said this will pass, right?"

Hajime nodded.

"Then I'll stay with you until it does."

"Thank you." He weakly allowed himself to be pulled into Souji's arms. He shuddered and softly moaned against Souji's shoulder as the pain passed through him. Souji felt a fierce wave of hatred towards Kodo, towards Kaoru, towards everyone who'd made Hajime feel this way. It was obscene, to see a man like Hajime brought so low. And Souji knew from personal experience how much the human body craved physical comfort when it was in pain, no matter how much the mind might rebel at showing weakness. If he couldn't offer Hajime enough blood, he could at least offer him the comfort of touch.

Or maybe this was the only way Souji would let himself have that comfort himself.

* * *

The small part of Chizuru that had doubted that her father could really be building a Fury army was now silenced. She had seen many battle grounds in her years with the Shinsengumi, and they were always bloody, but none had looked like this. 

The ground was scattered with body parts: limbs, organs, parts so mangled there was no saying what they had once been. The bodies of the fallen had been not only dismembered, but devoured. No sword left marks so ragged and savage.

Chizuru felt Kimigiku put a hand on her shoulder. "I am sure they died quickly," said Kimigiku. "Whatever happened to their bodies afterwards, their souls did not suffer, and they are beyond such troubles now." 

"Thank you," said Chizuru. "I am glad that you and Sen are here with me. I do not think I could face this task alone."

"We would not wish you to," said Kimigiku, and Chizuru smiled, feeling a brief moment of peace. 

But then that peace was shattered by a loud male voice. "Hey- Yukimura! Other demon girl!"

Chizuru looked up. She knew that voice, and it filled her with dread.

There on the hill stood the demon Shiranui, smiling and waving like they were friends. 

Chizuru's heart clenched: she'd thought that this one danger, at least, was done with. Where was Kazama? Had he sent Shiranui alone to avoid the consequences of abducting her himself? Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kimigiku stepping up close next to her and could hear Sen approaching at a run.

And then Shiranui laughed. "Whoa, demon girl, no need to glare at me like that!" he said. "I'm here to help!"

"...help?" said Chizuru. Was this some sort of trick? He'd always been very straightforward about his goals before.

"Yeah! I'm done with Kazama. And I heard you were fighting fakes, so I thought I'd help out!"

"Can we trust him?" asked Sen, as she reached Chizuru's side. There was a hard undertone to her voice, and Chizuru had no doubt that Sen and Kimigiku would attack without hesitation the moment Chizuru gave the word.

But should she? Every other time she'd met this man, he'd tried to kidnap her for Kazama. But there had been indications that he wasn't happy about being sent on such a task, and though the small signs of concern he'd shown for her welfare had been minor, they had still stood out in comparison to Kazama's callous cruelty.

"I think so," said Chizuru. "For now, at least."

Shiranui dominated the conversation, explaining what he'd learned about her father and his Furies from Shiranui's connections with the Choshu. Shiranui seemed genuinely concerned about the welfare of his human allies, and it was strange to hear the Shinsengumi's enemies spoke of in sympathetic and protective tones, even with Shiranui stopping every and then to remind everyone that he thought humans were weak and useless in general. 

And Shiranui _was_ a powerful warrior. Knowing he would stand by Sen and Kimigiku's side made Chizuru feel better about her friends facing the threat her father had created.

When Chizuru explained what they knew of Kaoru, Shiranui made a face. "Ugh. What an asshole. I mean, it sucks being made to act like girl, but shouldn't he be getting revenge on the Nagumo then? It's not _your_ fault. I resent other men for having an easier time sometimes but I don't _torture_ them over it. And I definitely don't torture _women_." 

Chizuru took a moment to try to understand what he was saying, and was horrified when the implications set in. "Oh no," she said. "Did you have a similar experience to Kaoru? That's terrible!" Did demons do this sort of thing a lot? Was it because they had so few women that they felt justified in forcing male demons to act like them?

"Ehhh," said Shiranui. "It wasn't a big deal, and it's not like I was tortured like Nagumo was or anything. But demon parents don't like it when they think they've gotten themselves a nice valuable little girl and he insists he's a boy instead." He laughed and patted his stomach. "They eventually shut up once I convinced them I'd stab myself in the belly if I ever got pregnant with some shitty husband's brats." 

Chizuru stared at him in confusion. Demon men could get pregnant? Then why was someone like her so valuable?

Shiranui rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I forget you were raised among humans. Don't worry about it. Point is, Nagumo's an asshole, and I'm guessing his offer to help find Kodo was a trap. So I don't know how much we can trust his information."

Kimigiku nodded. "It is outdated information, regardless. I think our best approach is to find likely upcoming battlefields where Kodo can effectively and safely feed his army."

There was much agreement, and everyone compared notes on possible sites. Well, everyone but Chizuru, who found the detailed predictions of the likely shape of the war confusing, and felt she had little to offer. Under other circumstances she would have made everyone tea, but the grisly battle field offered no such opportunities, and she doubted anyone would have much stomach for it.

Eventually, it was time for Shiranui to leave, though he promised to keep in touch.

"So, you gonna bring in your Shinsengumi buddies?" he asked.

Chizuru shook her head. "They have other responsibilities, and fighting Furies is no job for a human."

"Makes sense," he said. "Amagiri kept going on about that Saito guy but he didn't seem very special to me." Chizuru was briefly pleased to hear Saito praised, even if indirectly, then her heart fell.

"Saito is...." She had to hold back tears. "He was shot. Kaoru killed him." Her voice cracked. 

Shiranui blinked in surprise. "Oh, sorry. I heard he got better."

Wait...what? "Shiranui," she said. "When exactly did you hear reports that Saito was alive?" She stepped closer, and looked up seriously into Shiranui's surprised violet eyes. "And where is he?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random unnecessary research done for this fic: making sure that Chizuru would know what a violet is.
> 
> Meanwhile I've found conflicting information on how old Souji would be in early 1868, when this fic is set, so took the average to get 25.
> 
> I've tried to minimise the Unfortunate Gender Issues around Kaoru, but they're kind of baked in.


	3. Chapter 3

It was strange how quickly things could become normal. A month ago, Hajime would have thought nothing of walking miles in the midday sun, then going into battle without having rested. But now he felt accomplished if he could walk to the next room, and even filtered sunlight through a papered screen made him feel weak. And while he didn't _like_ it, he had become accustomed to it, he wasn't constantly frustrated and miserable about his limitations as he had been for the first few days. 

And somehow he and Souji had gone from only touching via the occasional pat on the shoulder to...this.

Souji had wrapped himself around Hajime like an octopus under the cover of the futon, and was drooling a little onto Hajime's shoulder as he slept. He'd climbed into Hajime's futon with the excuse of being cold, which was probably true, but also not really an explanation. It was as if a switch had gone off in Souji's head after helping Hajime through his bloodlust. He kept touching him, from resting his head on Hajime's shoulder to asking Hajime to rub his back when it was sore. And now he had Hajime in what could only be considered an embrace. Had he always wanted to do these things, and only now thought he could get away with it? Or had his long convalescence left him in need of comfort? Either way, Hajime didn't mind, if it made Souji happy he could use Hajime's body as he liked. And Hajime found it comforting himself, if strange. He usually felt uncomfortable when people wanted to touch him, but there was a strangely innocent simplicity to Souji's neediness that overcame Hajime's self consciousness.

He still had trouble thinking about the event that had set this off. To be so overcome by bloodlust that he _drank his friend's blood_ , that it was only through force of will that he resisted the urge to _kill_ him...it made Hajime feel like he stood at the edge of an abyss, on the verge of losing what was left of his humanity. Souji claimed not to have been bothered by it himself, but he was always reluctant to admit any sort of vulnerability.

And when Hajime thought about the circumstances that led to him being here he became so consumed with worry for Yukimura that he could barely function. It seemed likely that her brother had no wish to kill her, not when her being alive extended the malicious joy Kaoru seemed to experience from causing her pain. But that was hardly a comfort. There was the chance that the other women had saved her, but what if they had not? What horrors did Yukimura endure while Hajime enjoyed rest and safety?

And what of the Shinsengumi? It was one thing to be defeated. But the Battle of Toba–Fushimi had brought their very way of life into question: did swordsmen have any place in modern warfare? Or would every fight from now until their deaths be another defeat at the hands of modern weaponry? He wanted to be by the sides of his comrades regardless, as they defended what they believed in, and it ate away at Hajime to be so far from them in their hour of need.

Hajime did not cope well with change. His life before finding his place amongst the Shinsengumi had been confused and miserable, and he felt adrift without that support and direction. 

But if he was to help Yukimura, to help any of them, he needed to heal. Even before he'd heard from Hijikata, he'd known that that was what his orders would be. And if Hajime was to heal, he had to put his worries aside, lest they destroy him.

Souji stirred, gently stretching his arms and legs as he woke, and Hajime was glad of the distraction from his thoughts. Souji sat up and coughed alarmingly for a while, but eventually his breathing returned to normal. "Morning," he said at last, sleepily, though it was more like late afternoon. With no schedule to keep to, and both of them needing so much rest, their sleeping patterns had become strange. Souji's expression was unguarded and friendly, quite a change from his usual narrow eyed wariness, and Hajime felt glad that he had a chance to see it. But looking at Souji from so close also made it impossible to miss how thin and pale he'd become. Yukimura was not the only person he cared about who was in danger, though the danger Souji faced was more quietly insidious, and tended to inspire melancholy instead of panic.

"Good afternoon," said Hajime. "Did you sleep well?"

"Hmmmm," said Souji. "Yes and no. You're a very bony pillow." He poked Hajime's arm and Hajime couldn't hide his wince. Souji hadn't touched one of Hajime's bullet-wounds, but they were still unhealed enough that any pressure nearby was excruciating. "Sorry," said Souji. "Still not better yet, huh?"

"No," said Hajime. Progress was slow, and there was no guarantee that he would ever fully heal. He was trying not to think about it, and instead put his energy into doing everything he could to make the healing process go as well as possible.

"You're a pretty shitty Fury, you know," said Souji. 

"I am aware."

Souji gave a long sigh and flopped down onto the futon and curled up next to Hajime. "How about we just lie in bed all day," he said. 

"You would get bored," said Hajime. "And I am hungry."

A request to a servant led to the arrival of breakfast. Hajime smiled to himself as he sampled the various dishes: the cook at Dr Matsumoto's house in Edo were quite competent. 

He eventually realised that Souji was glaring at him over an untouched bowl of rice. Unlike Hajime, Souji could no longer find much enjoyment in food. Did Souji resent him for it?

"Stop being so fine with everything!" said Souji, angrily. 

"I do not pretend to be happy with my current situation. Like you, I am frustrated by my inability to stand by the side of the Shinsengumi. But I try to find moments of happiness where I can find them."

"I don't mind that you're _enjoying your breakfast_ ," said Souji. "I'm not that much of an asshole. I meant being fine with _me_. I know you kind of have to put up with me until you get better, but at least admit it's annoying. I don't need your pity." 

"I don't find your presence a hardship." Souji's lip twisted, and Hajime tried again. "I consider you a friend," he said. "I was under the impression you considered me one too." If he didn't then his behaviour was even more baffling. 

"Why? It's not like we can spar together or anything any more. Is it just because you don't have anyone else?"

He thought about it. "You are easy to be around." There was more to that, but nothing Hajime could put into words. 

Souji's eyes opened wide and then he started to snicker. "Well, no-one has ever said _that_ to me before." But he seemed mollified, and they ate together in happy silence.

* * *

Dr Matsumoto was surprised to see Chizuru, especially in the company of two unfamiliar women, but he quickly welcomed her in. It felt good to see him again, a reminder that her ties to the human life she'd led with the Shinsengumi still existed, even when Chizuru's demon heritage loomed so large in her sights these days. Once they were sure that Chizuru was safe, Kimigiku and Sen left to continue their search for her father. Chizuru felt a faint guilt about stepping away from her responsibilities, but mostly she felt nothing but joy: Saito was indeed alive.

She barely stopped herself from hugging Dr Matsumoto. "Can I see him?" she asked, practically bouncing up and down with happiness. Saito was alive, and here!

Dr Matsumoto looked away, seemingly uncomfortable with her question, and her mood fell. As a doctor's daughter, Chizuru was well aware of the large gap between "alive" and "safe". 

"He is asleep," said Dr Matsumoto. 

"Oh," said Chizuru. She should ask to be shown her room, and let Saito sleep. She should...but she couldn't. "May I...may I just _see_ him? I won't say anything, or wake him. I would just feel happier if I could prove to myself he is alive. Or would it be too disturbing to his rest?"

"No..." said Dr Matsumoto, still acting cagey. Were Saito's injuries so bad that he thought she would be upset by seeing them? When she kept staring at him expectantly, he gave a sigh. "Okita is with him." 

"Oh!" said Chizuru. "But I want to see him too! How is Okita? Has his tuberculosis healed at all now that he is resting?" She felt bad for not thinking to ask after him already. Her concern for Okita was like a toothache, a quiet pain that wasn't always at the forefront of her mind, but never entirely went away. It would be good to see him after so long.

"He would be better if he actually _rested_ ," said Dr Matsumoto, ruefully. "Saito's presence has helped with that, at least."

He led her down a corridor to a small room nearby. He opened the door a crack and looked inside, and then nodded to himself before gesturing to Chizuru to join him. She stepped forward and looked inside.

Her heart lifted, and she felt lighter than she had in weeks. There was Saito, his chest rising and falling in the gentle movements of sleep: pale and sickly looking, but alive. And there was Okita, his long arms wrapped around Saito protectively, the two of them curled up like kittens under the cover of the futon.

Where Saito's appearance made Chizuru's heart lighter, Okita's made it a little heavier: after so long apart, it was impossible not to notice how much thinner he was, and see the lines of pain on his previously smooth face. But he looked peaceful in sleep, at least, and she was glad that he and Saito had found comfort in each other's arms when they must both be experiencing a great deal of pain. Not just physical pain, though that must be excruciating. She knew how much it hurt a warrior to be unable to fight. Saito would hopefully heal, but Okita was only going to get sicker. Was there anything she could do to make his life easier, now that she was here?

Well, for now what he needed was sleep, and he and Saito seemed to have that covered. Although...was his hand moving? She realised that Okita was sleepily touching Saito's face, his half lidded eyes gazing at his friend with an expression of gentle affection. It made her heart warm, but she felt certain that this was a side of Okita that he would not want Chizuru to see.

She started to gently close the door. But she must have been too loud, because Okita's eyes turned suddenly to her and she found herself caught in the intensity of his shocked gaze.

He gave a gasp, and a cough, and that woke Saito, though it took a while for sleep to fully let him go. "Souji," said Saito muzzily, "What is..." And then his bleary eyes turned towards Chizuru and he was fully awake as well, quickly dragging himself up into a sitting position and self-consciously pulling closed the neck of his kosode where it had come slightly open.

"Yukimura," said Saito, his eyes wide and his voice strained. He stared at her like she was some sort of hallucination, a dream he couldn't believe was real.

"Hello," she said, trying not to cry with joy. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." But she couldn't help from smiling. He was alive and conscious and here right in front of her. 

He didn't reply, but his his mouth fell open slightly, as if he had things he wanted to say but was too overcome to speak. But he was smiling too, a mixture of relief and shock and confusion writ large upon his usually impassive face.

"So you're not dead," said Okita, in a sharper tone. He had his arm around Saito, almost protectively, as if worried Chizuru's presence would hurt him. And perhaps it did, Saito certainly seemed less peaceful than he had a few moments before.

"You thought I was dead? Oh....oh no I'm so sorry." No wonder they both looked so shocked. "If I had known I would have contacted you..." She should have contacted the Shinsengumi anyway: did the rest of them also think she was dead? "But Saito, how are you alive? I was so sure Kaoru had killed you." 

Part of her wanted to pretend it had all been a dream. But there was no missing the bandages that covered Saito's arms, and what she had briefly seen of his chest.

"Your _brother_ left him here," said Okita. "He seems to be the sort who enjoys playing with his food. But it's nice of you to care so much about Hajime's health now that he's safe. Pity you didn't think of that when you left him for dead."

"Souji," croaked Saito, his voice distressingly weak. But did they think Chizuru had abandoned him? No wonder Okita had glared at her. It was probably a sign of how sick he was that he hadn't tried to kill her already. What must it have been like for both of them, thinking such dark thoughts for so long?

Well, there was only one way to fix this. Chizuru took a deep breath and started to explain. 

When she got to the part about being shot, Okita's expression lightened. "So you didn't abandon Saito," he said. "Good. Killing you would have made Hajime sad."

"If you kill her I will kill _you_ ," said Saito coldly.

"Obviously," said Okita. 

Chizuru shook her head. "He just cares about you, Saito, don't be angry. I'm glad here's here to look after you. I didn't mean to abandon you, but I did. You sacrificed yourself for me, and I didn't even stay by your side. Why wouldn't Okita hate me for that?"

Okita laughed. "Oh, Chizuru. You are such a sweetheart. I'm not sure I _could_ ever really hate you."

"You are alive," said Saito. "Everything else is secondary."

* * *

"Did you learn that from Sen?" Saito's voice sounded a little wistful.

"No, from Kimigiku!" Chizuru, by contrast, sounded proud and happy. 

Souji turned the corner and found them in the house's small garden, Hajime sitting on a bench (under shade, Souji was glad to see) while Chizuru stood in front of him with her sword in her hand.

"Hello Okita!" said Chizuru, giving him a sweaty, flushed smile. "I was just doing some training, and Saito was giving me advice." 

"Ooh, I like helping with training," said Souji, flopping next to Hajime and putting his arm on his shoulder. "Do I get to hit her if she gets it wrong?"

"No," said Hajime.

"Are you both going to watch?" said Chizuru. "That's a little intimidating!"

"If I'm too scary I can leave again," said Souji. He didn't want to feel like a third wheel if the two of them would rather be alone.

"No, it would be great!" said Chizuru. "But it's a little chilly out here, would you both like some tea?"

"You need not trouble yourself..." began Hajime.

"It's no trouble! I'll be back before you know it!" And she ran off before he could stop her.

Souji laughed so hard he had to stop and cough. "Stopping sword training to make her audience some tea! Isn't that the most Chizuru thing you ever saw?"

Hajime smiled. "It is very characteristic of her, yes." He looked at Souji with a thoughtful expression. " _Are_ you cold?" 

He was, a little, but this seemed like it would be fun. "I won't be once I have some tea."

Once Chizuru had returned with their tea and started training again Okita slowly drank the warming brew and thought about how nice it was to have Chizuru around.

He hadn't expected it to be. He'd liked having Hajime to himself. But she actually made it easier for them to be comfortable together, quietly taking care of little things like brushing their hair or checking when they wanted something to drink, small comforts that added up to life becoming just that little bit less unpleasant. And she was good at drawing Hajime out when he got into one of his black moods, when all Souji could manage was to distract him. 

Eventually, Hajime would heal and leave with her and they'd be both be out of what was left of his life. But Hajime was going to leave him anyway, and Chizuru seemed not to mind sharing him with Souji in the mean time. Like Hajime, she seemed to interpret Souji's physical affection for Hajime as entirely platonic, and he saw no need to correct their misconceptions.

Souji had expected Chizuru to throw the main bulk of her overprotective doctor's daughter instincts towards Hajime, now that she had the two of them to choose between. Hajime was a much more rewarding patient, since he was always pathetically grateful for positive attention from her, and had a chance of actually getting better. That, and Chizuru was in love with him, though he wasn't sure if she'd figured that out herself yet.

Souji, by comparison, was the worst sort of patient. He complained every time she told him to do things he should, objectively, be doing. No matter how hard she tried he was just going to get sicker and sicker until he died. And she...well, for whatever reason, she did seem to genuinely like him. But she didn't love him, not like she did Hajime. She blushed sometimes when she happened to see him without many clothes on, but he'd seen her blush over Saito and Sano and the prettier girls of Shimabara. Under all that blushing innocence she had a healthy appreciation for the human form, and Souji wasn't vain enough to take it personally.

But despite all that, she cared for him as carefully as she had when he'd been her only real patient, with as much cheerful attentiveness as she gave to Hajime. And sometimes they just talked, like they were friends. Maybe they were. 

"Do you think you could beat me in a fight, Chizuru?" he asked.

"No," she said. "You would beat me, and then you would be _very ill_." She gave him a quelling look, but there was so much affection in it that he couldn't get offended.

Chizuru was a terrible liar: if she acted like she really wanted to be around him, it presumably meant that she did. And he found he genuinely wanted to be around her too, she was so friendly and kind it was hard not to be friendly and kind in return, as much as he was ever either of those things, and when he inevitably said something awful she just laughed or good-naturedly slapped him down. Unlike the vast majority of people he'd met, she never acted like being around him was a trial, and he didn't find being around her a trial either. 

In particular, watching her train turned out to be surprisingly involving. 

For a start, it was as close as he was likely to get to sword any time soon. And there was a cold focus to her now that he hadn't seen before, like she understood that this wasn't just a fun exercise: she was training her body to kill. He wondered what she'd seen out there in the world, without the Shinsengumi to protect her. For the first time he really saw her as a warrior, not just a girl playing with swords. She was not as strong as he or Hajime at their prime, and probably never would be, but she was still a match for many of the weak and lazy members of their so called warrior class. And she wasn't too far from being a match for Hajime or Souji as they were now.

He wondered what it would it be like to fight her, to be _beaten_ by her. Chances are she was right and that he would still win, and then be very ill. But he could just imagine how nice she'd be about beating him, and it almost seemed appealing. 

He wondered what Hajime was thinking, watching his former student, now that he could no longer hold a sword himself. 

"You know swords are totally outdated now, right?" said Souji. "We should all be learning to use guns."

Hajime looked at him with an expression of restrained horror, and he laughed.

"I'm kidding," said Souji. "Fuck guns. I mean I'll use one if I have to, but I didn't train with a katana for half my life just to throw it away when it became unfashionable. I'm useless in a fight either way, might as well stick with what I know."

"I don't like guns," said Chizuru, her voice a little shaky. Ah, yeah, she'd been shot too, hadn't she? "I'll stick with swords."

Saito nodded, seriously. "I will hold onto mine as well," he said. But then he looked away, and his expression turned dark. Souji could feel his shoulders tense.

Souji and Chizuru's eye's met. Hajime's mood had turned sour ever since they'd heard the news about the Shinsengumi's defeat at Kofu, and the departures of Shinpachi and Sano. The Shinsengumi was falling apart, and the Imperial army's modern weapons had defeated the swords of the Shogunate at every turn. There was no guarantee that Hajime's skills would be of much use by the time he finally healed. 

Lucky for Souji that he didn't have to worry about that, huh? But he wasn't sure saying "At least you're not dying" would do a whole lot for Hajime's mood. 

"Um," said Chizuru. "Are you ok, Saito?"

"Yes," he said. 

Souji put his head on Saito's shoulder. "By which you mean no," he said. 

Saito was silent for a while. Then he said. "Does it not bother you, Souji? That the world may no longer have room for warriors like us any more?"

"It might I could still use my sword," said Souji, trying not to sound bitter and entirely failing. 

"The world will always have a place for warriors like you," said Chizuru. They both looked at her, and she bit her lip self consciously, but then kept speaking. "I don't know what the world is going to look like in the future. Maybe...maybe we _will_ all have to use guns instead of swords. Maybe we won't even need to fight at all." She put her hand on her sword. "I know how important being a warrior is to you both, and I can't claim to really understand what it means to follow the warrior's path. But you don't have to be able to fight with a sword to act with honour, and to be of value to those who care about you. You are both samurai, and men of the Shinsengumi, and nothing can change that."

Souji thought this was very sweet, even if he'd never cared too much about honour and all that. But Hajime was looking at her with stars in his eyes. 

Chizuru blushed. "Sorry, I know it's not my place to say what being a warrior means."

Hajime shook his head. "No, thank you, I feel...I feel like I understand my place in all this a little better now. You're right: I can still act with honour, with self control... with all the virtues I value, even if I cannot fight." He smiled, and Souji wondered if he'd have reached out to touch Chizuru if Souji wasn't there. "Thank you, Yukimura." 

"Well obviously," said Souji, knocking his shoulder gently into Hajime's. "Hajime, you have more honour and self control and all that than the whole of the Imperial army has put together. Being injured can't take that away from you." Hajime smiled at him then, his eyes still starry, and Souji felt his own cheeks go pink. 

"The same is true of you," said Hajime, taking his hand. "You have remained loyal, courageous and compassionate despite everything. You will always be a warrior, one I look up to." 

"Me?" said Souji, weakly. _Compassionate_ , really? "Ha! Um." He couldn't look Hajime in the eye. "Thanks, I guess."

To Souji's extreme relief, Chizuru went back to training after that, and the three of them sat in companionable silence. 

She really was getting pretty good, these days, but there was only so much you could improve by practising alone. "You should hurry up and heal, Hajime," said Souji. "She needs someone to practice against and if I offer she'll just make a face."

Chizuru made a face. She went to the tray she'd brought and poured him some more tea. "Drink this and let me train," she said, handing him back his cup, and then went back to her exercises.

The tea warmed his hands and he wondered for the first time what it would be like to touch her himself. He'd recently discovered quite how much he enjoyed touching Hajime. Would touching Chizuru feel as good? He wasn't intensely drawn to her the way he was Hajime, but there was a _something_ there, like a thread waiting to be pulled. He liked watching her: was that attraction? What did it mean for him if it was? 

He was so distracted by these thoughts, watching Chizuru, that it took him a while to notice how quiet Hajime had become. But it occurred to him at last, and when he looked at Hajime something in his expression made Souji's heart skip a beat.

"Hajime?" he asked. "Are you having trouble?"

"I...need to go inside," said Hajime, his voice strained. "I will be fine if I can rest."

"Chizuru!" shouted Souji, "We need to help Hajime get back to his room!" He tried to help Hajime stand, but even the two of them together lacked the strength. 

Chizuru dropped her sword and ran to them. "Saito?" she asked. Realising what Souji was doing, she offered Hajime her hands, and he took them and was able to stand. Then she took one of Hajime's shoulders and Souji took the other and they managed to get him moving at last.

"Thank you," said Hajime when he was back in his room.

"Do you need Dr Matsumoto?" asked Chizuru, her concerned voice mirroring Souji's feelings of worry. This didn't seem like he'd just gotten tired or cold. Something was wrong.

Hajime shook his head. "I only need...rest," he said. "Please, both of you, just..."

And then his hair went white.

* * *

_Blood. Blood. Blood._

His mind shouted it, his body craved it, he looked at Yukimura and Souji and all he saw was the life under their skin, weak bodies he could tear apart and devour. And the _pain_ , like his skin was on fire, like every moment he resisted the cravings his body wanted to punish him. Why were they _here_? He didn't want to hurt them, didn't want them to worry, didn't want them to see the monster he'd become.

"He needs blood," said Souji. 

"I understand," said Yukimura, and she...she drew her sword?

"No!" said Hajime, having trouble forming words but terrified at what she might be about to do. "Yukimura, _this will pass_."

"You are suffering, and I can help," she said. "And this is all my fault."

"This is none of your business!" He wanted to push her away, to _hit_ her. He restrained himself, but his fingers twitched, and Souji put his hand on Hajime's arm.

"She wants to help you, Hajime," he said. When Hajime shook his head Souji carefully put his arms around him, standing behind Hajime with his head on Hajime's shoulder. It was a comfort, the familiar warmth of Souji's body a small beacon of respite against the storm raging inside him. But it was so _unnecessary_. Why couldn't they leave him alone to suffer in peace? "It won't do her any harm," said Souji. "I can't do this for you, but she can. He can use you for blood whenever he wants, right Chizuru?" Her name felt soft in his ear, the name he didn't even let himself think.

"Yes," said Yukimura. "I'm a demon, this will heal in no time. So don't worry about it." She ran the sharp blade of her kodachi along the tip of her finger and it was all he could do not to throw herself at her. The smell! The vision of her blood dripping from her hand, just waiting for him. 

"I will not _use_ her," said Hajime. His orders had been to _protect_ her. He had failed at that, was useless to her now. She had new, better protectors, and in many ways she could protect herself. The world had left him behind in more ways than one, and the least he could do was not be a burden. 

"You drank my blood," said Souji. "Is hers not good enough for you?"

Yukimura gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. He wanted to explain that it wasn't as bad as it sounded, but wasn't it? And now part of him felt like her opinion of him was already so low that perhaps it would not be the worst thing for him to lower it a little further. Which was probably why Souji said it.

"Please," she said. "Before it heals."

He did his best to be gentle, but she still hissed at the pain. He felt Souji leaning against his back and heard him softly say "It's alright, Hajime. She's happy to help, aren't you Chizuru?"

"Yes," she said, and he let himself believe her, though he knew it couldn't be true.

Nothing in his life had ever tasted as good as her blood. He wasn't sure if it was because Souji was sick, or because Yukimura was a demon. But where Souji's blood had barely cut the edge of his pain, Yukimura's made it vanish entirely. It was like a heady liquor, and it took all his self control not to suck at her eagerly.

He felt a slight movement and realised Souji was helping Yukimura hold up her arm with his hand. It almost felt like there was silent communication going on between the two of them over his head, some unspoken decision to join forces to...what? Force Hajime to accept their help? 

He didn't deserve this. He was a monster, he had defiled both of them now with his monstrous hunger, and there was no knowing how long it would be before his Fury nature took over completely and he became a danger to them both. 

And beyond all that, beyond anything he could blame on the Water of Life, there was the fact that part of him simply enjoyed _touching_ Yukimura like this, enjoyed having his mouth on her body. A deeply buried part of him knew that he had felt the same way with Souji, too. Knew that part of him enjoyed Souji embracing him now, not just as a friend but as... It was obscene. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. His hunger had begin to pass, and all that was left was shame. He sucked the end of Yukimura's finger as he removed his mouth, so that she would at least not be left with the sticky residue of her own blood. She made a small sound: of pain? He looked up and she was blushing. Ah, embarrassment. He knew what that felt like. 

She stared into his face and then smiled. "You look much better," she said. "Doesn't he, Okita?"

"Mmm," said Souji.

The horrifying thing was that he felt _amazing_. He could actually feel his wounds beginning to heal, and for the first time in months his body was not consumed with pain. He had no idea what to say. He pulled away from them both, unable to look them in the eye, not wanting to be seen. Not wanting to exist at all. 

"Come on Chizuru," said Souji. "I think Hajime needs some time to himself."

"Of course," said Yukimura. She smiled at him gently. "Thank you for helping me train today." 

He managed to nod, and then at last they were gone. But he could still hear their voices through the thin walls.

"How's your finger, Chizuru?" asked Souji. 

"Fine!" she said brightly, like she'd just cut herself cooking. "All healed, see!"

"Good. You helping Hajime is great and all, but you're as bad as him about looking after yourself, and Hajime would feel bad if you got hurt." 

"I know he won't hurt me," said Yukimura. "And I am glad I could help him, even a little bit." Hajime's heart felt warm and heavy, to hear the two people he cared about most in the world express so much concern for him. Just as they walked out of his hearing, Yukimura's tone became more serious. "I was forced to desert him once," she said. "I won't let that happen again."

* * *

"I bet you're glad you won't have to be doing this much longer," said Souji.

Chizuru looked down at him over the tray of food she'd brought him with an expression of surprise, and then sadness.

"That's not true, Okita," she said. "I wish we didn't have to leave you." There was that constant need to look after everyone again. If there was a way for Chizuru to personally look after the needs of every member of the Shinsengumi at once she would have done it.

And of course she felt bad about leaving him. Just like Hajime did. Just like Kondou had. They were all good people, and they all cared about him. But he wasn't their first priority, and he wasn't of use. So they left him behind.

"Yeah but you'll be with Hajime," he said. "Saving the world and all that. Making me porridge isn't quite the same, is it?" Before she could answer, he added, "Unless you've fallen in love with me as well."

"Okita!" Her face flushed. "It's not like that." Pfft. He'd seen the expression of beatific devotion on her face when she gave Hajime her blood. They'd had a strange moment of bonding, in that moment, in their shared determination to support Hajime come what may.

And it was odd: while he certainly resented being left behind, he was actually glad that Chizuru and Hajime would be together. It wasn't like he was naturally unselfish, he'd been resenting Hijikata's place in Kondou's life for over a decade. But Hijikata saw Kondou as a project, someone he had to change to fit his vision no matter how much strife it brought to Kondou's life. Chizuru did make Hajime's life more dangerous in some ways, but all she _wanted_ was for Hajime to be happy and safe. Knowing she would be with Hajime was the closest Souji could come to being with him himself.

And then there was the fact that while there were some ways in which Souji liked Hajime more than Kondou (the last person who'd implied his feelings for Kondou were sexual had lost some fingers), Souji was still, first and foremost, Kondou's sword. If he had to make a choice between the two of them, Kondou would always win. He could hardly then begrudge Hajime and Chizuru for caring more about each other than they did about Souji.

Well, he could begrudge them a little. But not too much. 

"I wonder how good your blood tastes," he said. "Would you give some to me? If it would make me better too?" He regretted the words the moment he'd said them, even for him it was a little weird. 

Chizuru stared at him in surprise. "Oh," she said. "I..."

"Never mind," he said. He didn't think he wanted to hear the answer. "You're going to keep giving it to Hajime, though, right? He needs to get stronger, if he's going to fight Kodo." One taste had been enough to get Hajime's wounds to start to heal over, when Souji's had done nothing, as useless as the rest of him. 

"Of course," she said. She gave a small smile. "I'm so happy to see him improving. It was my fault he was injured, and if he couldn't fight any more..." Suddenly she stopped, having remembered who she was talking to. "Um. Not that..."

"I'm happy too," said Souji, interrupting her. "And I'm glad you could help him. We both just want to see Hajime happy, yeah?"

"Yeah," said Chizuru. 

And then as if summoned by their mutual thoughts, Hajime's voice through the door quietly asked if he could enter.

"Hey Hajime," said Souji. "Chizuru was just talking about how much she cares about you."

Hajime ignored Souji's smirk and Chizuru's choked sound of protest. "I have a letter from Hijikata," he said. "He agrees with my assessment that Kodo is a sufficient threat to warrant investigation, and has ordered me to assist Yukimura in this goal." He gave a small smile. "He also expressed his satisfaction upon hearing that Yukimura is alive, and passed on greetings to you both from the other men of the Shinsengumi. Kondou in particular sends his regards." 

Souji knew that Hajime had added that last bit just for him, and wondered if Hijikata had actually said it. He also wondered what Hajime would have done if Hijikata's orders had led him in a different direction to Chizuru, though he wasn't cruel enough to ask.

"Are you sure?" said Chizuru. "I don't want you to be in danger."

"Me being in danger is beside the point," said Hajime. "My only concern is the danger _you_ face. If I am to be entirely honest, I am a little concerned by how cavalier Hijikata is at the idea of you facing battle."

Ha! Now someone else knew how Souji felt. If Hijikata's ambitions had left space for a family, he would have sent his own children into battle if it could bring him some advantage. The man was incapable of understanding what it meant to really want to protect someone the way Souji wanted to protect Hajime and Kondou, the way Hajime wanted to protect Chizuru.

For a moment, Souji considered joining them. He'd die, obviously, but he was going to die anyway.

But hopeless as it was, he couldn't let go of the worry that Kondou might need him, somehow, that there might be a time when Souji needed his last gasp of strength to defend the man whose existence gave him a reason to live. That, and Chizuru would make a face. Rather like the face she was making at Hajime right now. 

"He is my father," said Chizuru. "Of course I should be a part of the fight against him. When Sen and Kimigiku return with news we will fight together."

"But you are not a warrior," said Hajime. "You could be badly injured, or even killed. And I would not like to see you get blood on your hands."

It was funny how neatly Hajime divided the world into warriors and non-warriors, as if that somehow made being a born killer into a noble calling. Not that he didn't agree that Chizuru was a long way from being a hardened veteran ready for battle.

But then she said "My...my hands aren't free of blood." Her voice was a little shaky, and she looked away, as if ashamed, or afraid of what they might think of her. "I've already already...um. Killed someone. So you don't have to worry about that."

Oh. That explained some things.

"What," said Hajime. 

Chizuru's voice became high and brittle. "I was...standing guard, and a soldier saw me, and he was getting very close so I. I guess it was your training that saved me, Saito! Otherwise he would have killed me. Probably. But instead I..." He voice became weak, and she blinked back tears. "Sorry, I'm fine. It was fine. I could do it again." She wiped her eyes and spoke softly. "I can take care of myself."

"Yukimura." Hajime's voice trembled with emotion. "You should never have had to...I cannot apologise enough, that I was not there to protect you, that I _trained_ you. Someone like you who..."

Souji walked up to Hajime and hit him on the back of the head.

"Someone who what, Hajime," he said, angrily. "Should be dead? You heard her. That Imperial bastard would have killed her. But he didn't, because she killed him first." He turned to Chizuru. "Congratulations. Killing is hard for soft hearted types like you. You're tougher than I thought."

Chizuru didn't look very comforted or complimented by this statement, and couldn't look him in the eye. She and Hajime looked like they both wanted to curl up into little balls of misery and hate themselves forever. It was stupid and he wasn't going to let them. 

'"Oh, what, you think you're a bad person now?" he said, stepping around to catch her eye again. "You're still the same sweet pushover you always were, or you wouldn't be feeling bad. Unless you've been going out stabbing people for fun now you've gotten a taste for blood?" Actually maybe talking about a taste for blood wasn't the best choice of words with Hajime right there...but if he could get Chizuru to feel better, that would make Hajime feel better, right?

Chizuru shook her head. "No," she said, and he could almost see the edge of a smile.

"Do you want to hear about the first time _I_ killed someone?" he said. "It was another member of the Shinsengumi." Yeah, that got her attention. "He said some stuff I didn't like, so I got him drunk. And then when he wasn't expecting it I stabbed him in the gut. He looked so surprised!" Souji laughed, though it wasn't an entirely happy memory. Not when he thought about the look on Kondou's face afterwards, even though Souji had done it all for him. 

"Yukimura isn't like us, Souji," said Hajime. "We chose the path of the warrior."

"She's not like _me_ ," said Souji, "because she cares about things like right and wrong, and people's feelings, and whether the Imperial soldier who was trying to kill her was actually a lovely man with fifty children and a love of cats. Which I bet he wasn't, and even if he was I don't care. But I know you feel bad about this kind of stuff too, Hajime. You just decided other things were more important. And..." Making a speech this long was too much for his throat, and he had to take a moment to cough. But he was going to finish what he was saying, damn it. "And Chizuru gets to make that decision too, if she wants."

"But she shouldn't have to," said Hajime. 

"And you shouldn't have to be a Fury, and the Shinsengumi shouldn't have to die for a Shogun who doesn't care about us, and I shouldn't have to waste away here instead of standing by Kondou's side. But life is shit."

Souji glared at Hajime and Hajime looked back at him with his cool, cold blue eyes. 

"...you're right," said Hajime, at last. "I'm sorry, Yukimura. I shouldn't have reacted as I did. I am glad you were able to protect yourself."

Chizuru didn't reply, perhaps still unsure whether she was glad of it herself. But then she smiled at Souji, sad and beautiful, and for some reason it made something in Souji go cold with fear. "Thank you both," she said. 

"I need some fresh air," he said, ignoring both of their surprised faces. He was glad he'd helped, glad to see Chizuru smile again, but his room felt too small for the three of them all of a sudden.

Of course actually getting some fresh air was easier said than done. He barely made it the garden then sat heavily onto a rock to catch his breath. The sense of dread hadn't left him, and only grew as he watched two of Dr Matsumoto's servants whispering to each other, sometimes stopping to look at Souji with what seemed like more than the usual amount of pity. Had something happened to the Shinsengumi?

Eventually it got too much for him and he went up to ask.

By the time Souji found Hajime and Chizuru again he was so out of breath he could barely stand, and had to double over coughing for what felt like an age until he could get any words out.

"What is it, Okita?" asked Chizuru. "Are you ok? Do you need me to..."

He waved off her concern. "You're going to the Itabashi execution grounds," he said. "And I'm coming with you."

"The Itabashi execution grounds? But why..."

Okita held out the woodcut he'd gotten from the servants, the characters smeared by his sweaty fingers.

"We need to rescue Kondou," he said, his voice hoarse and his heart a blackened void of terror. "He's been arrested."


	4. Chapter 4

"You'll die," said Saito.

"Maybe," said Okita, like it was nothing. "But I'd rather die saving Kondou than flat on my back in bed. What would you do, Hajime, if it was Chizuru?"

"I would follow my orders," said Saito immediately. And despite herself, Chizuru felt a pang of disappointment.

Why would Okita compare his dedication to Kondou to Saito's duty to Chizuru? Okita kept making jokes about Saito being in love with her, and she did feel some confidence that he genuinely cared for her well being. But as he'd just shown, Saito's first priority was always his orders, and it was only those orders that had caused him to sacrifice himself for her so many times. 

"How can you be more loyal to your orders than the person who gives them?" said Souji, angrily. "Or is it only Hijikata you're loyal to, and not Kondou?"

"Do not question my loyalty to Kondou," said Saito, coldly, his voice harsh. "His will is my will. If my death would serve him, or the rest of the Shinsengumi, I would gladly sacrifice myself. But Kondou _chose_ to hand himself in, and I am quite certain that he would not thank us for any rescue. The consequences..."

"Fuck the political consequences!" shouted Okita. "I don't care about any of that shit and neither do you. This is about loyalty, and I guess you've just shown where your loyalties lie. Fine. I'll go by myself. Or are you going to defy my dying wish because of _Hijikata's orders?_ "

"If you force me to," said Saito. 

They stood in angry silence, Saito glaring and Okita gasping for breath. Chizuru ached for them both. She knew how much Kondou meant to both of them, though they expressed that loyalty in different ways. And she knew that it must be hurting Saito to reject his friend's request for aid, and that poor Okita must be feeling entirely alone and unsupported.

And she worried for Kondou, the generous Chief of the Shinsengumi who had always shown her kindness and patience despite all the power he'd held over her, and for his pages Nomura and Souma, who had been given to her care and now waited in prison cells of their own.

"I will go with you," said Chizuru.

Okita stared at her in shock. " _You?_ Why the hell would you do that?" 

"I... don't know," she said. "I just know I can't let you to go alone, Okita. I'm sorry I'm not much of a warrior, but I'll do my best to have your back." 

He tilted his head and considered her and she felt self conscious. She must look like a poor substitute for Saito, so small and weak and timid.

"Yukimura," said Saito, sharply. "I cannot allow this."

"You don't get to tell her what to do," said Okita. 

"I..." began Saito, and then he sighed. "No, I don't. There is no stopping Yukimura when she has decided to put herself into danger, that much I cannot argue with." He gave Chizuru a look of rueful resignation and she felt guilty about causing so much trouble, but not enough to back down. "But Souji, would you truly have her join you on a suicide mission? You would have her _die_ , achieving nothing? They will be prepared for us, Souji. You know that. You are a powerful swordsman, but you are not at your full strength. And Yukimura is not well suited to battle. The two of you alone cannot hope to prevail."

Was he right about their chances? Saito was an intelligent and clear sighted man. Then...was she really willing to follow Okita into death for the faint hope of rescuing Kondou and the others?

The answer, to her surprise, was _yes_. How could Chizuru stand by the Shinsengumi if she was not as willing as they were to risk death for those she felt loyalty to? And how could she not feel loyal to these men, after all that they had been through together? Even if it was doomed, even if there was nothing they could do for Kondou, the thought of Okita facing this alone was more than she could bear.

"Yeah, we'd probably die." Okita looked at Saito and then sighed. "Urgh. Fine, I _would_ feel pretty bad if Chizuru died." He patted Chizuru on the head. "You don't have to come with me, kid. It's probably better if you don't."

"I..." she felt her voice falter and gathered her strength. "I won't say I don't fear death. But you have both faced death over and over, for each other, and for the Shinsengumi, and for me. I can hardly do any less. And Kondou..." She had to blink back tears. "Kondou has always been so kind to me. I cannot stand by and do nothing. I know he would do the same for me."

Okita gave her a gentle smile. "Yeah, he would," he said.

"My orders are to protect Yukimura," said Saito, "And to help her achieve her goals."

"We know," muttered Okita.

"And so..." He took a breath. "If Yukimura is going with you, Souji, then I must follow."

Chizuru's heart swelled. She knew that it would have hurt Saito to let his friend go alone, and with Saito at their side their odds of success, or at least survival, were much higher.

Okita laughed. "I'd rather you were doing it for Kondou, but fine." The tension between the two friends finally lifted, and Okita pulled Saito into a hug. Saito's eyes widened, but then he gave a small smile, and let himself be held.

Chizuru let out a happy sigh. They would be facing great danger, but they would be facing it together.

"Come on, Chizuru," said Okita, holding out one arm in invitation. "You're our comrade too."

Was he joking? The idea of hugging the two of them sounded pretty appealing, actually. But before she could reply, Saito pulled away from Okita. 

"Hijikata's letter came with a package," he said. "I didn't have a chance to mention it before, but I believe the contents will be useful."

_Useful_ is not the word Chizuru would have chosen for the new uniforms Hijikata had sent.

Watching Saito and Okita as they straightened their new jackets her mind leant more towards words like _form fitting_ and _handsome_. Saito had carefully followed the included directions to the letter, buttoning up the embroidered jacket over the tight shirt and waistcoat, and tying the strange, scarf-like "cravat" into a delicate knot around his neck. He looked neat and elegant, though his hair still formed a soft mess of long dark locks framing his cool, gentle face. 

Okita had put on the pants and jacket and refused to alter his wardrobe any further. "Look at all those buttons," he said. "What a pain! I think this kimono looks fine underneath. Don't you agree, Chizuru?"

He'd at least chosen a narrow sleeved kimono whose colours harmonised, it looked a little odd but not bad. And it left a smooth triangle of his chest visible under the clean lines of his jacket, which Chizuru found strangely distracting.

"Um," she said.

He gave her a knowing look. "See, Hajime, she thinks I look so handsome she can't even form words. This is better than your silly cravat."

"That's not true!" she said. "That is, uh...you _both_ look very handsome." 

Okita grinned while Saito remained impassive, and Chizuru felt very silly. Saito frowned a little and she wondered if he was embarrassed. "The aim is not to look...my only concern is that they are practical for facing modern weaponry, and that we appear professional."

"You do," said Chizuru. "Very neat, too. Though I am sorry you both had to cut your hair." They both looked just as good with shorter hair, but Chizuru knew she'd feel bad if she had to cut off her own.

"This is more practical," said Saito.

"It sucks," said Okita. "But it's worth it, if it will help me save Kondou."

* * *

The man with Chizuru's face was waiting for them at the execution grounds.

"Hello sister," said Kaoru, who looked a little different than the last time Souji had seen him, but was as obnoxiously smug as ever. "I had hoped to lure more of the Shinsengumi into my trap, but you two will definitely do." 

Souji had expected it to be a trap, but a demon like Kaoru was an added complication. Still, if they could kill him that would solve a lot of problems.

Kaoru gave a facsimile of a friendly smile and the resemblance to Chizuru became a little uncanny. "I'm glad to see you looking so well, Saito," he said. "Did you enjoy my little sister's blood? But I can't say the same for you, Okita, I'm surprised you're still standing," His smile turned malicious, "For now."

"Chizuru," said Souji, "would you mind if I killed your brother? Because he's really annoying."

"Kaoru, stop," said Chizuru. "Why are you and Father doing this?"

"For our clan," said Kaoru. "You don't remember, do you? How the humans murdered our parents and all our kin for daring to say _no_ to them. For being peaceful, for being _better_. With your help, we will rebuild the Yukimura clan and have our revenge on the humans. We will create a better world for all demons. For you. Can you deny us that, sister?"

"Humans murdered my parents too," said Souji, "But you don't see me turning people into monsters to avenge _my_ clan." He drew his sword and stepped forward. "Everyone suffers, pipsqueak, get over it."

Souji could almost find it in his small wizened heart to feel a little sympathy for Kaoru. He reminded Souji of his younger self, when all he'd been capable of was hate and fear. But Souji had found purpose through love, had remade himself to be able to stand by Kondou's side. All Kaoru's supposed love for Chizuru seemed to inspire in him was more cruelty. And anyway, it didn't matter: Kaoru stood between Souji and Kondou, and so he had to die. 

Kaoru's eyes narrowed in fury and he and slashed at Souji. Hajime stepped in between them and blocked the strike, and from the way the metal clanged with the strength of the blow that was probably for the best. 

Kaoru clicked his fingers and the night filled with the glint of red eyes and white hair. 

"Kill them, eat them, defile their bodies," said Kaoru. "But don't hurt the girl."

Hajime's hair went white and his eyes became red and cold. His sword moved so fast that Souji could barely follow it, and even Kaoru's demon speed was no match for him, slashes forming in the dark fabric of his clothes as he tried in vain to parry Hajime's blows. Like Kazama, Kaoru seemed to rely more on his inhuman strength than any real skill, and so had little chance against Fury strength combined with the skill of a swordsman like Hajime. It was incredible, and possibly the sexiest thing Souji had ever seen. Sadly, Kaoru wasn't alone, and Souji didn't have time to watch Hajime destroy him. 

"Come on Chizuru," said Souji. "Time to break your brother's toys."

Chizuru didn't reply, and looking into her face Souji saw that she was frozen in fear. 

"Hey, Chizuru," he said. "You heard the little bastard, you're a demon. Heir to the great Yukimura clan. You gonna let yourself be intimidated by a bunch of fakes?" She gave him a small, grateful smile, but her hands still trembled. Ok, time for a different tack. "Hajime worked pretty hard training you," he said. "Don't insult him by forgetting it all. Let's show these bastards what the Shinsengumi are capable of." 

"Ok," she said, and hands circled her sword with a determined and steady grip.

He gave her a cheerful wink and lead her into the fray.

It felt good to be on the battlefield again. Souji laughed, and revelled in the spray of blood and cries of pain as the foes surrounding them met his blade. Chizuru didn't seem to be having quite as much fun, but she still did her best to keep up with him, bless her.

Hajime had been right: she was not well suited to battle. She hesitated, and flinched, and though her strikes would have been enough to defeat most human opponents they were no match for the strength of a Fury. But it was better to have her at his back than no-one, and she was able to distract his opponents long enough to help him make the killing blow. 

Every now and then, Souji would look back at Kaoru and Hajime. There was blood on Kaoru's clothes now, and his expression was one of desperation. But like the coward he was, he was using Furies as a shield to protect himself against Saito's implacable skill, and his demon blood to heal from any injury.

Souji had no such luxury. He could feel his chest burning and his muscles screaming. He would suffer for this later, maybe even die. And he didn't care, as long as he could fight _now_ , could defend Chizuru and Kondou and give Hajime space to defeat Kaoru. He'd never had the same physical strength as men like Shinpachi or Hijikata, and at this point barely had the strength of a child. But he hadn't let that stop him as a small and abused apprentice, and he wasn't going to let it stop him now. He just had to fight more cleverly, sliding his sword into the empty spaces left between the brutish Furies' mindless slashes, aiming carefully between the ribs to pierce the heart with no more force than it took to sharpen a pen.

And then he felt it. First a tickle in his chest, and then a tight ache in his throat. He tried to cough without losing his stride, but tuberculosis was no petty cold to be satisfied with a polite clearing of the throat. His whole torso spasmed and he barely managed to avoid being skewered by his opponent's sword, instead getting a glancing blow against his arm that stung and bled and made it even harder to maintain his energy. Blood spilled down onto his hand, making his grip become slippery, and he felt a familiar weakness come over his body. He barely managed to take a step back before he fell to his knees, hacking and coughing and trying to draw breath. 

He saw a sword coming towards him and could do nothing. He was splashed with blood and heard a high cry of pain- but not his own. Instead his view was blocked by Chizuru, her sword raised to defend him even though blood was spilling from a gash along her side.

The Fury in front of her growled in frustration, his desire for violence in conflict with his orders to keep Chizuru safe. 

"If you want to kill him you'll have to kill me first," she said, her voice shaking.

And then the Fury laughed and raised his sword. "Very well," he said, his voice filled with inhuman glee. It seemed Kaoru's orders could only do so much against a Fury's thirst for blood. 

Souji wheezed and tried to will himself to lift his sword, but he could barely hold onto consciousness. _Chizuru_ was going to die defending _him_. This was all wrong. 

But then the Fury stopped in it's tracks and a sword appeared through it's chest. As the sword withdrew and the Fury fell, Souji saw the face of their saviour: Kaoru.

Kaoru grabbed Chizuru and pulled her towards him with a rough grasp that made her cry out in pain.

"You were supposed to protect her," he spat at Souji. "Couldn't you even manage that?"

Souji could only glare at him with hate.

Souji glanced over to Saito and saw that he was circled by the remaining Furies, doing his best to kill them all but overwhelmed by numbers.

Kaoru started to drag Chizuru away, though she dragged her feet and cried out. And then he shouted towards some of the Furies and they turned back towards Souji. Hajime cried out in frustration, and started to slash at the Furies even faster, working his way towards Kaoru and Chizuru. But they were so close to the building now, with it's thick wooden doors that even Fury strength would be no match for. 

No, no, no! Souji had come here to rescue Kondou, not to put Chizuru in danger! But he'd known this could happen, and he'd chosen to bring her anyway. He prepared himself to die, his only comfort the hope that Saito would be able to save Chizuru in time.

"Stop! Not me!" shouted Chizuru. "Save Okita! Please! I'll be fine with Kaoru, but if something happened to Okita I could never live with myself. Saito! _Please_!"

What was she doing? What was _Hajime_ doing? Was he...No! He was coming towards Souji now, striking down the Furies between them before they had a chance to reach him. 

Kaoru laughed. "Do you see, sister? The humans choose each other in the end." 

Hajime reached Souji at last, his sword covered in blood and his eyes wide and sad.

"Why?" croaked Souji, but Hajime didn't answer. He just turned to stand in front of Souji in a defensive stance, watching Chizuru be dragged away from them, as helpless as Souji to stop it.

"I only see a man acting with honour," said Chizuru. "Thank you, Saito." 

Okita heard Saito make a small sound, like a muffled sob. Souji's heart went cold. What had he done? If Souji hadn't dragged the two of them with him, here, on this doomed mission, they would be together now, safe, away from Souji and Kaoru and all this death. 

And then Chizuru stabbed he brother in the chest.

Kaoru made a burbling sound of pain and surprise and Souji had never heard anything more beautiful. _Who's the cute little sister now, asshole?_ , he thought, triumphantly. Kaoru's hold on Chizuru must have weakened, because she pulled away and ran towards Souji and Hajime. Hajime took her hand and pulled her behind him, next to Souji. She immediately bent down. 

"Okita!" she said. "Are you ok?"

If he could talk, he would have shouted at her, but he couldn't. So he gave what he'd intended to be a reassuring smile, but from her expression looked more like a horrifying grimace.

Souji could hear Kaoru ranting, something about how this was just a temporary setback and blah blah demon apocalypse blah blah, but he had trouble following it and found it difficult to care.

"Yukimura," said Hajime. "We need to get Souji out of here. Can you help carry him?"

"I...I think so," she said, though she was a good foot shorter than him and her side was covered in blood. "Can you stand, Okita?" she asked, and though he wished with all his heart he could nod, Souji was forced to cough and shake his head. "That's ok," she said, putting her hand under him. "I can..."

And then the movement caused the blood to flow away from his head, and everything went black.

* * *

Souji's hand was very cold.

Hajime placed both of his hands around Souji's cold fingers, and rubbed them gently. Should he ask Dr Matsumoto if it was possible to bring in a brazier? Would it be better to tuck Souji's hands under the blanket?

But Yukimura had insisted that Souji would find it comforting for Hajime to sit here and hold his hand, even though Souji been unconscious for days, and unable to perceive anything but whatever dark dreams made him twitch in his sleep. She insisted, too, that Saito speak to him, as she did herself when she sat by his side. But it was easy for her, she always knew what to say. Words had never come easily to Hajime.

He watched Souji sleep, the breaths slow and strained. "The house is quiet without you," he said. "I..." _I don't want you to die_. Why was it so hard for him to say? Yukimura had managed it, had thrown her lot in with Souji the moment he'd needed her help, had been the one to beg Hajime to save Souji, when otherwise he would have...

Was the path Hajime walked truly one of righteousness? Was Hajime a good man, to sacrifice a friend for...was it orders that had pulled him away from Souji, or his feelings for Yukimura? Or was it merely habit, an unexamined assumption about who needed his protection, and who did not? It had felt so much like old times, out there on the battlefield, Souji grinning as he swung his sword through his enemies, vibrant and deadly and beautiful. He would probably never be that way again, and if Hajime hadn't been turned from his intended direction, Souji would be dead. Even now, death stalked Souji like an encroaching mist, it's tendrils curling inexorably under the doorstep. He would probably recover from this single injury, but not completely, and it was only a matter of time before he was taken from Hajime.

The thought of Souji dying was more unbearable than Hajime knew how to express, or even understand. So many of his friends had already died: Gen, Yamazaki, too many to count that Hajime had trained or commanded. It always hurt, but until now he had been able to endure it. He was not sure he could endure without Souji.

He ran his thumb over Souji's palm, remembering what it had been like to accept the gift of his blood. Hajime could smell blood on him again now, a faint scent from the bandage around his arm. Hajime and Yukimura's injuries had healed before the battle was even over, but Souji had to rely on the slower processes of a simple human body. Or perhaps not so simple: Souji should not have been able to leave his bed, let alone fight so courageously. _Please survive this as well_ , thought Hajime. 

"You have always stood beside me," said Hajime, considering the stark angles of Souji's face, the gentle curve of his lips that so often formed a smile. "You were the first to respect me as a warrior, the first to treat me as a friend. When I lost my fortitude, you lent me yours. When I needed comfort you...you kept me warm." He looked at Souji's hand, so still and pale in his own. Why had it taken Yukimura's urging for him to return such a small part of the comfort Souji had offered Hajime during his own illness? Why did it always fall on others to break past the barriers Hajime put around his heart? Hajime liked to think of himself as strong, but in many ways he was a coward, too afraid to even admit to himself how he felt.

He carefully intertwined their fingers. "I wish I had your strength." 

_I love you_. 

In many ways it had been easier to accept the nature of his love for Yukimura, for he had no other way to understand feeling such strong affection for a woman. But it was expected to love your comrades, to dedicate yourself to them, to think of them with warmth and a wish for closeness. Even to desire them, if that desire was for a younger man in need of training (and there, again, Yukimura had fit the expected role) But Souji was his equal, they had grown together from youth to manhood and been teacher and student to each other in equal measure. What could it mean then, this love? What place did it have in their lives, or on the path they walked of duty and honour?

He felt tears prick at his eyes and tried to will them back. But what did it matter, with no-one here to see them? He wiped his eyes and looked pensively at the shadows cast by the light from the windows. It was approaching dawn. Yukimura would be here soon, demanding that Hajime sleep, though he had no desire to do so.

"Are you crying?"

Hajime looked at Souji in shock. And there were those twinkling eyes, there was that sardonic smile. Souji gave a heavy cough, and Hajime helped him sit up. "Did you think I was dead or something?" said Souji, when he'd regained his voice.

"No," said Hajime, smiling. "But I'm glad that you are not."


	5. Chapter 5

Souji didn't like Sakamoto Ryouma.

He had armed the Choshu and Satsuma with the weapons that had defeated the Shinsengumi at Toba-Fushimi and Kofu. Hell, he'd probably provided the guns that shot Kondou, Hajime, and Chizuru. He'd played a key part in the collapse of the Shogunate, and had apparently even been part of the development of the new, nastier Furies that Kaoru had used to stop them from rescuing Kondou. He was personally responsible for almost everything terrible in their lives.

And he kept flirting with Chizuru when he should be _dead_.

"It's strange," said Sakamoto, gesturing towards Chizuru with long fingered hands like some sort of venomous Tosan spider. "I never thought much of Nagumo, as a woman or a man. But you make that face look good." He flashed Chizuru a flirtatious grin and she _giggled_. Ugh! He understood that Chizuru felt the need to be nice to everyone, but this guy was an _enemy_ , for all that that he pretended to be on their side now. 

"Maybe it's because Kaoru wasn't willing to put up with your shit," said Souji, brightly. Sakamoto claimed to have never liked Kaoru or Kodo and their Fury-making ways. Even though he'd worked with them for years and had even taken the improved Water of Life himself at the time of his apparent death. Weird, huh? He also claimed to see the Fury threat as more important than any short term political conflict, and to be willing to work with whoever would help him fight it. Which just happened to be them.

Souji believed him about disliking Kaoru and Kodo, Chizuru was apparently the only member of the Yukimura clan who wasn't a massive asshole. But the rest of Sakamoto's story seemed as fake as his smile, especially the part where a warmongering opportunist had decided to help a bunch of Shinsengumi soldiers just as the shogunate's defeat was all but guaranteed. Why were they wasting time with this guy?

Sakamoto laughed. "Ha, maybe that's it. Chizuru here is much more obliging." He took a sip of the tea she'd made for them all and smiled down at her and if Souji had it in him to stand he would have hit him. 

Unfortunately, he didn't. Chizuru had grumbled extensively at Souji for even wanting to be present for this meeting so soon after recovering from unconsciousness, and he had to admit that it was taking most of what little energy he could muster just to stay upright and follow the conversation. But there was no way he was letting Hajime and Chizuru go alone into a meeting with two demons and fucking _Sakamoto Ryouma_. Not now.

Sakamoto wasn't the only one who should be dead. Souji had always told himself he would die before he'd let anything happen to Kondou, had vowed to give everything he had to the rescue mission with no expectation of surviving it. And yet Kondou was still imprisoned and here was Souji, alive and safe. He couldn't have really given _everything_ he had then, could he? The only thing keeping him going was the knowledge that Kondou was still alive, that there might, somehow be some way Souji could help him. But what could he do that he hadn't already done?

All Souji could do was stand by those who had stood by him, for whatever use his presence was worth. 

"You say that Kodo is now based in the remains of Yukimura village," said Hajime to Princess Sen, ignoring Sakamoto. His opinion of Sakamoto was a poor as Souji's, though he had his own way of showing it. "Where is that exactly?" 

"Mutsu," said Sen. "We believe that Kodo has been stockpiling weapons there. But a contingent of his Furies are with Kaoru, who is moving North to take advantage of the upcoming battles."

Chizuru gasped. Yeah, things didn't look good for the Shinsengumi if they had to face the Imperial army _and_ a bunch of Furies. 

"It is my intention for us to divide into two groups," said Sen. "According to Sakamoto, if we can wait for..." 

Despite himself, Souji found himself drifting off. He woke a while later with a start when Sen made a loud shout of anger.

To his surprise it wasn't at Sakamoto. Instead she was glaring at Hajime like she wanted to kill him, and Kimigiku had her hand in her kimono as if reaching for a weapon. Souji tensed for a fight, though he wasn't sure what he'd do if one happened. Try and collapse on them, maybe.

"It's not like that!" said Chizuru. "I like helping Saito, and it doesn't do me any harm." She looked around in a panic, and then noticed Souji and smiled in relief. "Okita: you agree that Saito would never force me to let him drink my blood, don't you?"

Souji had to cough a few times to clear his throat well enough to speak. "Yes," he managed to croak, at last. "If anything, Chizuru has to force _him_." He rubbed his face, trying to see if his mind had kept track of any of the conversation he'd slept through, but it was all an empty blank. "If Chizuru doesn't mind, why is it any of your business? And why the hell are we talking about this?"

"Ah, that's my fault," said Sakamoto, not looking remotely sorry. "I was explaining what I have learned of the Water of Life, and the mitigation of it's side effects. All Furies crave blood, and by drinking it may stave off for a while our inevitable decline into mindless savagery. But human blood's effect is almost negligible when compared to that of demon blood. Turns out Saito here already knew that." He winked at Saito, and Saito coloured and then glared.

"That is hardly a long term solution," said Sen, giving Saito a dubious look. _Screw you Princess_ , thought Souji. "Did you find any information about a cure?"

"Now there I'm less sure," said Sakamoto. "It's a pity your doctor friend is out, because he'll understand Kodo's notes better than I can. But as far as I can tell, being a Fury is pretty tough on human bodies. It uses up our life...energy? Something like that. And would probably kill us if Kodo hadn't thoughtfully mixed it with water from some spring in his home village. Apparently this water has healing properties that stop the demon parts of the serum from taking us over all at once. I'm no expert, but it seems like maybe drinking some of that water might do us good?"

"Oh!" said Chizuru. "That would be wonderful. May I see the notes? I am not a doctor, but I understand a little medical theory."

"Go ahead," said Sakamoto, handing her a pile of papers covered in neat writing and complex diagrams. 

"Would this water heal a sick human?" asked Hajime, as if regaining his own humanity was a secondary concern.

"I have no idea," said Sakamoto. "It's from a demon village, but if it wasn't effective on humans I can't see how the serum would work." He tilted his head and looked at Souji. "Thinking of your friend here, huh? It's worth a shot."

"Thanks for your concern, fuckhead," said Souji with a smile. He didn't need this bastard's pity. "Why don't you worry about yourself, huh? If you've been a Fury since your 'assassination' the bloodlust must be starting to eat at your mind, right?"

"A little," said Sakamoto, with a shrug. "Luckily I have my own _generous_ demon friend. Who is entirely consenting, as the Princess here can attest."

Ugh, really? Souji didn't know Sen very well but she'd always seemed pretty shrewd. Well, smarter women had been smitten by sleazier men, and maybe it would distract Sakamoto from paying so much attention to Chizuru.

Sen glared at Sakamoto, looking about as un-smitten as it was possible to be. "He's talking about Shiranui," she said. "He's the one who introduced us to Sakamoto after he turned against Kodo. They're old friends."

Sakamoto grinned. _Friends_ , right. From what Souji had seen, Shiranui was a hotheaded idiot with bad taste, so that made more sense. _Stick to your shitty boyfriend and leave Chizuru alone_ , thought Souji, with annoyance. 

"Oh no," said Chizuru. She looked up at them. "Sorry, I just...I think..." She looked at Hajime with sad eyes, her hands holding the papers so tight they crinkled audibly. "Saito, I think when you use your Fury powers you're using up your life _span_. Not just a little bit, but a lot, maybe losing months or years off your life. You have to stop using them!"

Souji's heart stopped. Hajime's life was in danger from being a Fury? How much of his life had been exhausted already? Mutsu was hundreds of miles north. How would Saito get there and defeat Kodo without using up what was left of his life?

"Oh," said Saito.

"Damn," said Sakamoto, all trace of his smug grin vanished. "We really need to get to this village, huh?"

* * *

It was cold, the warmth of Spring slow to make it's way North. Chizuru worried about Okita, though he was bundled up under blankets in a tent. How cold were the Shinsengumi, marching towards a battle they were unlikely to win? Hijikata and the others had visited before they left, and there had been a sad finality to their goodbyes. Would she ever have the chance to see them again?

Chizuru watched Saito, who stood in a clearing between the trees, quietly looking up at the clouds as they drifted across the sky. Was he thinking of the Shinsengumi, too? "I'm sorry you can't go with the others," she said. 

He shook his head. "Those were not my orders. I will be protecting you and Souji, and when we defeat Kodo that will prevent a threat the Shinsengumi would otherwise have faced. Sen and the others will be there as well, and they are all competent warriors, more than capable of facing Nagumo and his Furies."

"I know," she said, "And I am very grateful to have you with us. But I feel like I am taking you from where your heart would rather be." 

He turned to look at her. "My heart?"

"The Shinsengumi have meant so much to you. You have your own feelings, separate to your orders."

"Not that matter," he said. 

"Saito, that's not true," she said. 

"Yukimura," he said. "I..." His voice became weak, and he groaned in pain. Oh no. Chizuru's heart went out to him, as he clutched as his chest with pain, his face gone pale and damp with sweat. As his hair went white she reached for her kodachi.

"No," he said. "Yukimura, I don't want to do this to you again. I shouldn't need to."

"Saito," she said. "You have done so much for me. Please, drink my blood." She cut her neck and he came to her, as he always did. 

She put her hands on his back to comfort him as he gently sucked at her neck. She felt her blood going into him, and felt glad to know that she could help him in this way. She felt Saito's strong hands cradling her, one on her head and one on her shoulder, holding her still, and felt herself shiver a little. His skin felt hot through his jacket, and she could feel his muscles twitch. She rubbed his shoulders and the bend of his back. 

She happened to look up, towards the trees between the clearing and their camp. And there was Okita, leaning against a tree with a look of surprise on his face. 

Their eyes met and she felt aware, as she hadn't before, of what she and Saito must look like: their arms around each other, his mouth on her neck, his tongue licking at her skin. She felt warm, and her skin tingled everywhere Saito touched it. But Okita knew this was just...just her _helping_ Saito, right? 

It should be excruciating, to have a man see her in such a state. Because Okita was a man, and so was Saito, and here she was fondled by one and watched by the other, her clothes rumpled and her face flushed. Though Okita stood several feet away, it felt as if his gaze was touching her too, seeing her as a woman who _could_ be touched, who _wanted_ to be. Did he want to touch her? Perhaps he didn't. He'd always been dismissive of other men's skirt-chasing, and he'd only ever flirted with Chizuru in the same teasing, joking way he said everything. Was he disgusted then? So why was he watching? Maybe he was just glad to see that Chizuru was providing Saito with blood, as she'd said she would. 

Saito's mouth moved along her neck, and his hands caressed her, brushing the edge of her neck and breast. She moaned gently and leaned into his touch, then felt herself flush remembering that she was watched. She looked at Okita and he was blushing too, his mouth slightly open, and then he turned away.

"Yukimura?" Hearing Saito breath her name into her ear made a shiver go down her spine. She realised that her neck didn't hurt any more: it must have closed over already. When had that happened? How distracted had she been to not notice?

"I'm sorry," she said. "Should I cut myself again?"

"No," said Saito. "I..." She turned to look at him, and he seemed very embarrassed. Oh no, had he noticed any of Chizuru's strange behaviour? "I'm sorry," he said, and he turned away from her as his hair went dark again. "I keep saying that," he said, softly. "But what use is an apology when the behaviour continues?"

"But you don't have anything to apologise for," she said. "You became a Fury to save me, and I'm glad to be able to help make your condition less painful."

"I should be able to overcome it," he said. "I shouldn't have needed the Water of Life at all. I shouldn't be so weak. What if this spring doesn't help? How long will it be before my weakness means I lose control, and become a mindless monster? How long before I am a danger to you and Souji?"

"Never," said Chizuru. He looked at her in disbelief. "I believe in you, Saito," she said. "I trust you to make the right decision, to stay true to what you believe. You have stayed strong in the face of so much, when no-one else would support you, when it would be easier to lose hope, or do the wrong thing. It was you who chose to follow Hijikata and Kondou, when other samurai saw only farmers. It was you who was kind to me, when you had no reason to trust me, and no-one would have blamed you for being cruel. It was you who was a friend to Okita when he was alone. I know that man will never be a danger to us."

He stared at her gently, his eyes reflecting the blue of the sky. He stepped closer and took her hands in his. His gloves were smooth against her skin. "Thank you," he said. "There is truth in your eyes. If you can believe in me..." Then he froze, his hands becoming tense and still. 

"Saito?"

"Shh," he said in a sharp whisper. And so she became silent, and did her best to stay still. 

After a few moments Saito stepped closer to her, and whispered in her ear. "I think I hear people walking through the forest," he said. "Stay here and I will take the horse and create a distraction. If there are enemies, they should follow me, and you and Souji will be safe."

"But what about you?" she asked.

"I should be sufficient for any threat. Do not worry." He rubbed her hands comfortingly, then realised what he was doing and let them go. "Stay where you are for a count of 300, then go into the tent with Souji and wait for me to return."

She nodded, and he left without further preamble.

She counted slowly, not wishing to leave too soon and put herself in danger by disobeying Saito's orders. A cold breeze swirled around her feet and she tried not to be overcome with anxiety. What if an enemy came across her, standing in the open like this? What if one found Souji while he was alone? What if Saito was outnumbered, or had to battle soldiers with silver bullets?

At last she reached 300, and she slowly and carefully crept back to camp. When she snuck into the tent Okita smiled at her and started to give a greeting, and she had to quickly shush him.

Being a well trained soldier, he didn't argue, and instead sat up, his eyes suddenly intense and focussed.

"Saito thought he heard someone sneaking about," she explained, in a whisper. "He's gone to lead them away, but we need to be very quiet."

Okita made a determined grimace, and nodded. She crawled in next to him and tried to make herself comfortable in the small space without getting onto his bedding. He rolled his eyes and shifted over and she sat on top of the blankets, feeling self conscious and afraid. She felt Okita put his hand on hers, and he gave her a good natured but slightly mocking smile. _I know you're worrying_ , the smile said. _Stop it_. 

Time passed, and they continued to sit in silence. Okita seemed entirely calm, though he frowned in annoyance every time he was unable to entirely muffle the sound of his coughs. Chizuru was glad for his presence, she only felt a little anxious instead of the nervous wreck she would have become if she'd had to wait alone.

"I think it's probably safe to talk softly," said Okita, at last, letting go of her hand. "If they haven't stumbled across us by now they've probably moved away too far to hear anything."

"Ok," said Chizuru. "Thank you, this is all very scary for me. I'm glad you're here."

He shrugged awkwardly. They sat in silence again for a little while.

"Do you think Saito is ok," she said. "He's been gone a long time."

"Yeah he's just being cautious," said Okita. "Probably leading them all off a cliff or something. When Hajime puts his mind to being sneaky he's very thorough. And very deadly." He flashed her a sharp smile, and she felt better. She should know to trust Saito by now. 

"Thank you," she said. "I will be patient." She thought about what else she could talk about. "Are you hungry? I could...oh no, I probably shouldn't be cooking, sorry."

"I'm not hungry," said Okita. Which was probably true, he never seemed to be hungry these days, no matter what foods she tried. But that wasn't going to stop her trying.

She felt him looking at her thoughtfully. "You and Saito," he began, awkwardly. "I'm glad you..." He looked away, and coughed. "Sorry about before. I should have given you some privacy."

"That's ok," said Chizuru. "But...Okita, I hope you didn't misunderstand. I was just giving him my blood. We weren't, um..."

Okita's mouth opened in surprise and then he raised an eyebrow. And then he laughed, his voice rough. "Well why not? You both obviously want to."

"Okita! It's not like that!"

He smiled mockingly. "If you say so."

"Stop teasing!"

He stuck out his tongue. "Only because if you shout at me the Imperials will find us and kill us."

The silence that followed this time was more companionable, though Chizuru still felt embarrassed to think that Okita had thought that she and Saito had been...like that. It was nice to know that he'd approve, though. She cared about Okita, and his friendship with Saito, and would not want him to be against her and Saito. Not that there was any "her and Saito" to be against. But if there _was_...

Chizuru was distracted from her thoughts by the realisation that Okita was shivering, though he was layered in blankets. If Saito was here, he could have kept Okita warm. But he wasn't, and poor Okita was getting colder by the second.

"Okita," she said. "Um. Would you be warmer if I lay next to you?" She felt her face flush. What a thing to ask!

"Uh," said Okita, his eyes wide. Oh no, she had shocked him! But then he smiled and opened up his arms. "You know if you wanted me Chizuru you could have just said so."

 _Why did he have to be like this._ She glared at him. "I'm just..."

"Just being helpful, I know," he said, laughing. "Well then, yeah, I would be warmer. If you don't mind."

"I don't," she said. 

She pulled herself under the blankets and settled herself against his chest, and he put his long arms around her. She had steeled herself to feel awkward, but she found it comforting to be here in his arms, though he was thin and cold and his breath crackled in his chest. 

Okita played gently with her hair. "I don't think it's fair you got to keep your long hair," he said. "And how does it still smell nice after a day or walking, is that another demon superpower?"

She laughed. "Thank you, Okita," she said. "I'm really glad you're here with us."

He laughed and then coughed. "Yeah, I'm going to be a great help if anyone attacks. I'll cough on them and they'll get tuberculosis and die."

"You're keeping me warm," she said. "And you saved my life. And you're such a good friend to me and Saito." 

"Am I really," he said, his voice oddly empty.

"Yes," she said. She turned her head to look up at him, his face looking angular and strange as he stared down at her. "You helped Saito so much when he was recovering from his injury. And you're so supportive of us both, and kind."

"Chizuru," he said. "You know I want to fuck him, right?" 

Her first instinct was to tell him not to make jokes like that. But she looked up at Okita and the sincerity and sadness in his eyes made her breath catch. She thought about the way Okita looked at Saito, all the times she'd seen them intertwined like...like she was intertwined with Okita now. Her face flushed and she felt hot, suddenly aware again of Okita as a _man_ , a man who had watched her and Saito with wide, hungry eyes.

This should not, by any rational measure, make him more attractive, but it did. And he'd been plenty handsome enough before. "Oh," she said. She rested her head on Okita's chest so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"Sorry," said Okita. "I mean, he's in love with you, and that's fine. I'm not going to get in the way. But I got sick of you acting like my motives were entirely innocent."

"Okita," she said, her heart full of affection. However coarsely Okita might describe his feelings for Saito, she doubted it was purely a matter of physical attraction. And yet he was willing to give up all that for her? "But that's...you are a better friend than I deserve. You don't have to..." She bit her lip and tried not to cry. "Do you really think he _is_ in love with me? No, I'm sorry, you're the last person I should ask about that. But even if he...if he is, you shouldn't just give up like that." Especially not when Chizuru was here being attracted to _Okita_ the moment Saito was out of her sight. She didn't deserve either of them.

"You're saying I should fight you for him? Because I can still kick your ass."

"Yes," she said. "You can."

Okita sighed. "Of course he loves you, you dumbass," he said, putting his hand gently on her head. "He's loved you for years. He's just got too much a stick up his ass to say it. You're going to have to do all the work there."

"Mmm," said Chizuru, unable to put her complicated feelings into words. Could she trust Okita to be right about this? Did she want to?

 _Yes,_ said her heart.

Yes, as she had always known, deep down, though she had tried not to hope. She wanted Saito to love her. She wanted him to need her, to be willing to defy his orders to be with her, to care about her as herself, not as the woman he had been ordered to protect. She wanted him to touch her, not because he had to, but because he wanted to, because he desired her, as she desired him. 

Yet...though Okita had been friends with Saito for a long time, even he couldn't necessarily read the thoughts that lurked behind Saito's stoic exterior. And if Okita was in love with Saito himself, perhaps he had invented an imaginary rival in Chizuru. 

Even if Saito did truly have feelings for her, would it be right to accept them? She was hardly the feminine ideal, a chaste and delicate helpmeet who a man could rely on to make his life easier. She caused him trouble, and insisted on her own way, and was awkward and unfeminine and not even human. And here she was snuggling Saito's friend unable to stop thinking about what it would be like to move her hand to touch the bare skin of his neck, to feel his lips against her own.

She felt the soft warmth of Okita's breath on the top of her head. "Go to sleep," he said. "You don't have to figure all that stuff out right now. And Hajime will be back when you wake up."

She tried to put her worries aside, because worrying about this while lying with Okita was too strange to be borne. But her mind circled around and around, and it took her a long time to fall asleep.

* * *

Chizuru felt disturbingly good in his arms. She was smaller than Hajime, and softer, and instead of holding her hands down at her sides she'd curled them up onto Okita's chest like a little mouse. But like Hajime, holding her filled him with a sense of safety and calm and warmth, despite the pain and fatigue and nausea that made every moment of his life these days an agony. He wanted to protect her and have her look after him and keep holding her forever.

And he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to push down the edge of the kimono gently slipping off her shoulder and make her gasp like he'd seen Hajime make her gasp. He wanted to see what sort of body she'd been hiding under men's clothes for all these years, and compare to his, and...and all the sorts of thoughts he'd been trying not to have about Hajime, he'd started having about her as well. Something about seeing her with Hajime had finally shaken loose whatever mental block had stopped him from recognising his attraction to her for what it was. Which just made him think about both of them at once, which was overwhelming and wonderful and _absolutely not something he should be thinking about right now_. 

Ugh. He'd laughed when other men had complained about this sort of thing. _Sano would have a field day with me now_ he thought, then remembered that Sano had left the Shinsengumi, abandoning Kondou and the others to fight alone against impossible odds. Not that Sano's odds of survival were much higher, as long as his fortunes remained tied to the Shogunate's. 

Souji's mood fell, but at least thinking about the dark prospects facing the Shinsengumi was decidedly unsexy. Was Kondou still alive? Was it wrong, to have left in pursuit of this possible treatment? Souji wasn't any good to Kondou dead, but even if this demon spring did somehow help it seemed unlikely that anything could make Souji well enough to actually be of any use again. And so what was the point? 

But she'd said _I'm glad you're here_ , and Chizuru had never been much of a liar.

By the time Hajime came back, Souji had mostly nodded off himself. He couldn't see Hajime's expression in the dark, but could only imagine he looked a bit taken aback. 

"Where were you?" asked Souji. "Chizuru was worried."

"There was a large scouting party," he said, voice soft so as to not wake Chizuru. "I led them away from the camp and picked them off in small groups. Then took a circuitous route back to throw off any pursuers. This took some time on the rocky terrain."

Souji nodded. "Now come sleep," he said.

"No," said Hajime. "I should keep watch."

"Come join us," said Souji, again. "Just for a little bit. If you don't, I'll tell Chizuru you said no, and left me cold."

"You don't look cold," said Hajime. Was that a touch of jealousy? Ha! So he _was_ capable of it.

"I could stand to be warmer." He held out the arm furthest from Chizuru. "You can stay over here, making sure not to touch Chizuru if you'd rather I be the only one who gets to do that. She feels pretty nice, I have to say."

Saito hissed through his teeth.

"Oh, come on, I'd no more do anything inappropriate than you would. I can still enjoy a pretty girl in my arms." What did it say about Souji that he would only admit to finding Saito attractive to Chizuru, and vice versa? "But if you want, you can tell yourself you're keeping an eye on me."

It was funny how much energy Chizuru and Souji spent persuading Hajime to do the things he wanted. But he always let them persuade him, in the end.

Hajime curled up awkwardly against Souji's side, clearly self conscious about being so close to the sleeping Chizuru. But he let Souji pull him close, and rested his head on his shoulder. Typical Hajime, only willing to be close to the one he wasn't interested in.

"You should just tell her," said Souji. "It would make her happy."

"Souji," said Hajime, his whisper hoarse and wild, and his eyes looking at Chizuru with worry. Fine, they could discuss this another time. But it was ridiculous.

"Then go to sleep," said Souji.

"No," said Hajime. "I will keep watch, as I said." 

"You've been awake all day," said Souji. "Despite being a Fury. You should sleep, or you'll go crazy and eat me and Chizuru."

"I will do no such thing," hissed Saito.

"Hmm?" Chizuru stirred and blinked open her eyes.

"See, Hajime, you woke Chizuru." 

"Saito?" Chizuru smiled sleepily. "I'm glad you're back. But why are you all the way over there? It looks awkward. Do you need me to to leave so you and Okita can be comfortable?"

"Oh no you don't," said Okita and put his arm around her more tightly. She playfully pushed back at him but stayed where she was, though even in her sleep weakened state she could probably overpower him at this point.

"I am fine," said Saito. 

"He's really not," said Souji. "But he's worried you'd think he was trying to ravish you if he got any closer."

Saito made an inarticulate noise, and Chizuru gave an embarrassed giggle. "Okita! I'm sure Saito knows I wouldn't think that." She smiled at Hajime. "I feel safe with you, Saito, just like I do with Okita. Neither of you would ever let anything bad happen to me."

Well that was evidently untrue, even if Chizuru's ability to heal meant she had no physical scars from the times Souji and Hajime had failed her. But he appreciated the sentiment. 

"I do not need to be comfortable," said Saito. "In fact it is better I not be. I will get up and keep watch."

"No," said Chizuru. "You should sleep! If you won't sleep during the day, at the very least you should sleep at night. You'll make yourself sick!"

"I am a Fury," said Saito. "I will be fine. Don't tell me how to perform my duty."

"Give it up, Hajime," said Souji. "You might have had a chance against me, but there's no defying Dr Chizuru."

Hajime was silent for a while. There wasn't any arguing with that logic.

"Then I will sleep," he said. "But there is no need for me to move. I am quite comfortable where I am."

"But that doesn't make any sense," said Chizuru.

Eventually, Souji got too tired to pay any more attention to their argument, and drifted off to sleep. As expected, Chizuru won: he woke up to both of them asleep, hands touching as their arms curled protectively around him.


	6. Chapter 6

Yukimura was avoiding him, and no wonder.

It was one thing to slate his bloodlust upon her: at least they could see his Fury blood as something separate to himself, a monster he struggled to control. But he'd _molested_ her, taking advantage of the physical vulnerability she had offered out of kindness to satisfy a very different sort of lust. How much further would he have gone if she had not stopped him? Had she realised what he was doing? Had she been scared? Was she scared of him now?

He wanted her desperately. Every time they touched it was all he could think of. But more than he wanted Yukimura, he cared for her, and he would rather never touch her again than cause her a moment of distress.

Even Souji had become strangely distant. Had he, too, been alienated by Hajime's impropriety? It had seemed simpler with Souji, who was happy to control their physical interactions, which could stay comfortably within the norms of affection between friends without the added intimacy of drinking blood. Hajime had told himself it did no harm to enjoy being held by Souji, as long as he did nothing to make things strange. And if Souji ever realised, well, he might be inexperienced, but he was no innocent to be shocked by the desires of men. Sometimes Hajime suspected that Souji's interest in him was not entirely innocent itself.

Or so Hajime had told himself. But Chizuru had insisted that Hajime stay with Souji in his tent while she cooked dinner, and Souji had seemed uncharacteristically annoyed at the idea. And now he sat with his arms crossed, pouting, curled up away from Hajime when he would usually have demanded his warmth under the blankets. Clearly Hajime had done something wrong, and it hurt more than he would have expected to be pushed away. He had become accustomed to Souji's touch, to the combination of comfort and yearning. Perhaps that was the problem, he had become complacent, relying on Souji's support without offering anything in return.

"Souji..." he began, but did not know how to continue.

"Hmm?" said Souji. "Sorry you're stuck in here with me. Chizuru can be a real pain sometimes."

"I am sure she has her reasons." She could hardly be blamed for wanting an escape from Hajime. It was only a pity that Souji was now stuck with him instead.

Souji scoffed. 

Eventually Chizuru stuck her head into the tent to let them know that the food was ready. The three of them sat eating in silence, a change from the usual cheerful conversation between Souji and Chizuru that Souji had, again, come to rely upon. Souji picked at his food, as usual, but couldn't even bring himself to pretend to enjoy it, though Chizuru's cooking was as excellent as ever. If the ease Hajime craved was to return, it was up to him to take responsibility for his mistakes.

"I would like to apologise," he said, when the meal was done. "My behaviour has been unseemly, and you have both rightly disdained me. I apologise, and will do anything within my power to make amends. But if that is insufficient, I do not wish you to feel obliged to tolerate my protection. It should be possible to contact Sen or the Shinsengumi and have someone better suited accompany you both to Yukimura village."

"Urrrgh," said Souji. "See, Chizuru? See what happens when you meddle?"

"Saito?" said Yukimura. "I don't understand, when have you ever been unseemly?"

Her eyes were open and uncomprehending. She had no idea what he was talking about, and if he told her, she would be horrified. He became overcome with awkwardness and felt his face flush. "Um..." he said. "Did I not offend you? You seemed to be avoiding me, unless I misread your behaviour, in which case I apologise."

"Oh," said Yukimura, in surprise. "No, Saito, you have done nothing wrong! You have been the best protector I could ask for. I just...I just thought it might be good for you and Souji to spend more time together." 

"Well you were wrong," said Souji. "And no, Hajime, you haven't offended me either. The only one pissing me off here is Chizuru."

"Yukimura?" He wasn't sure which of them was being more incomprehensible.

"Hate me all you like," said Chizuru to Souji. "You should talk to Saito." 

"About what?" said Hajime.

"Ask Okita!" said Chizuru brightly. "I'm going to go to the river and clean up. I might be a while!" And then she walked off.

The fire crackled in the silence left by her absence, and Hajime tried to understand what had just happened.

"Souji," said Hajime. "Can you please explain what is going on?"

"I'd rather not," said Souji.

"Well, I would rather you did."

Souji gave a long, martyred sigh. "You know how when Chizuru gets an idea in her head she refuses to back down from it."

"She is not alone in this tendency," said Hajime. 

"Haha, sure. Anyway. I... uuurgh." He glared at Hajime. "You have to promise not to be weird about it."

"I can make no such promise until you tell me what it is."

Souji's lips twisted into a sour expression. He sighed again, and looked away. "Well. Fine. For some reason Chizuru's gotten it into her head that you and I should...you know. Be together. So she's trying to set us up, like the little busybody she is."

Cold terror overcame Hajime. Chizuru had noticed. She'd noticed the way he looked at Souji, had read the secret thoughts of his heart. What must sort of pervert must she think him, to act this way towards everyone closest to him? 

"Oh no," said Saito, standing up and stepping away from Souji. "I did not mean to give the impression that I wished to..."

"What?" said Souji. "Obviously you're not into me that way. No, Chizuru thinks..." He peered at Hajime. "Why would she think _you_ wanted to be with _me_? I'm the one who's been..." He gestured with his hands. "You know." His voice grew weak. 

Oh. Poor Souji, to be misunderstood this way. And how ironic that his open affection should be read as interest when it was Hajime whose motives were indecent. Hajime sat back down and put his hand on Souji's shoulder. "I understand," he said. "Though it is strange that she should behave this way, I suppose she is a woman, and may not understand how men express affection between friends. You should explain to her that your intentions are pure, if you wish I can help reassure her."

"Pure?" coughed Souji. "You...you actually believe my intentions are pure? I..." 

"Yes?" said Hajime. 

"Hajime," said Souji. "Chizuru isn't making this up out of nothing. I told her I want to fuck you."

Hajime's mind went blank with shock. "Why?"

"Because I do," said Souji, with a belligerent glare at his feet. "I mean, I'm not sure I _could_ , at this point, but the spirit is willing even if the body is weak."

Hajime had no words. Souji wanted him that way? All those nights lying in Souji's arms thinking about what it would be like to kiss him, to submit to him, and Souji had been thinking it too. What did it mean? What should he do?

"Don't worry," said Souji, oblivious to Hajime's turmoil. "I have no intention of getting between you and Chizuru. I think you two are cute together, or you would be if you could get over yourself and tell her how you feel. I'm sorry I told her how _I_ feel, I didn't think she'd do...this." 

All this time, and Souji had wanted him too? Had simply said it aloud, as if it was nothing? Hajime had trouble getting his voice to work. "Why did you...?" _Why did you tell her? Why didn't you tell me?_

"I don't know," said Souji, frowning. "I wanted to shake her up, I guess. I got sick of being the good little cripple boy. I gotta learn not to underestimate what a pain in the ass Chizuru is when she thinks she can help."

Hajime gave a short, pained laugh. 

"I'll stop touching you so much," said Souji. "It was a pretty shitty thing to do to a friend."

"Don't," said Hajime. The idea of losing the comfort of Souji's touch was unbearable. The desire curdling in his stomach turned to fear, and desolation.

Souji stared at him in surprise and Hajime felt himself flush. Now he had to explain himself and he had no idea how to. He stared at the ground, trying to gather the words, and Souji sat there quietly waiting. It seemed like Souji didn't want to _act_ on these feelings, and Hajime wasn't sure if it would be right to suggest it. But he didn't want Souji to feel guilty when he had done nothing wrong.

"You have been a comfort to me," he said. He smiled at Souji and Souji gave him a relieved smile in return, clearly glad to know that Hajime wasn't angry at him. As if _Hajime_ was the injured party. "Even knowing that...that your feelings for me were not just those of a friend, I do not think your behaviour ever crossed the line into being inappropriate. And I always felt that if I asked you to stop, you would do so. The reason I did not ask is that...is that I wished it to continue." 

"Oh." Souji's face slowly relaxed into a grin. "Ok then. I can do that. I promise not to let my hands stray below the belt." He gave a wink, and then laughed self consciously. "This feels weird, though, right?"

"Yes," said Hajime. "But we will overcome it."

"Ok," said Souji. He carefully put his hand on Hajime's shoulder and gave it a manly pat. Hajime smiled at him, and leaned against Souji's side. Souji sighed happily and put his arm around Hajime and squeezed him and Hajime wanted with his whole heart to lean up and kiss him. But Hajime was uncertain, and some choices could not be undone. So he just stayed as he was, comforted and tormented by the feel of Souji's arm around him in equal measure. 

They sat next to each other in silence. The wind rustled through the trees, fragrant with the scent of forest flowers, and Hajime wondered if the cherry blossoms were still blooming in Kyoto. What a different city they floated over now, to the one Hajime and Souji had known when they were young warriors together. How simple things had seemed back then.

"You have to stop using your Fury powers," said Souji, his voice muffled as he rested his mouth in Hajime's hair. "Even if it's to save me or Chizuru, even if Hijikata himself orders it. Promise me."

"I cannot promise that," said Saito. "And you, if anyone, must understand why. I have a duty, one I can and must fulfil while I am able."

"I understand," said Souji. "But I don't care. I didn't think I'd ever really care about anyone but Kondou, but I don't want you to die. So you can't."

"Souji..." It felt impossible to deny him anything, even this. "I will try not to use my powers unnecessarily. I do not wish to die if I can help it."

"Good," said Souji. He sighed. "I should probably apologise to Chizuru. She's not the real reason I was upset. Well, not the only one, anyway."

"What bothers you?"

Souji didn't reply for a while. Unsure of himself, Hajime put his arm around Souji, and Souji leaned into the touch. 

"I dreamed of Kondou," said Souji, softly. "Did I tell you about the time he gave me my Chrysanthemum sword?" 

Hajime nodded. He had seen the sword in Souji's pack, and knew it was important to him, important enough to bring on such a long journey when packing space was limited. "He felt you would require a worthy blade when you became the next Suzerain of the Tennen Rishin style." Souji had complained to Hajime about it at the time, joking that Kondou saw him as an old man, trying to hide his evident fear at the reminder of Kondou's mortality. 

Souji shrugged irritably, as ever uncomfortable with the idea that he had value beyond his usefulness to Kondou. "So what if the Tennen Rishin style dies?" he said, his voice shaking. "It didn't do Gen any good. It didn't save Kondou. If it dies with me then...good! If it can't save Kondou then it's as useless as I am!" 

Not knowing what to say, Hajime just sat and let Souji rest against him. 

"Kondou's dead by now, isn't he?" said Souji, his voice soft and tremulous, like a child.

"I cannot say," said Hajime, though it seemed very likely. "He may be. But..."

"It's not fair!" Souji wailed, sobbing into Hajime's shoulder. "I was supposed to protect him. He was the strongest, kindest person in the world, how can he just die?" Hajime held him, not knowing what to say, silenced by his empathy for Souji and his own grief for Kondou. It _wasn't_ fair.

"He will have found comfort in knowing that you tried to save him," said Hajime, at last, "And that you are safe."

"Would he be comforted knowing I killed Hijikata?" Souji's voice grew sharp, but Hajime could hear the fear that still lay underneath it. "This is all his fault. He's the one that put all these big ideas into Kondou's head. He's the one who abandoned him."

"Souji," said Hajime, sadly. Souji and Hijikata had always rubbed each other the wrong way, but they shared the same deep love for Kondou, and an unspoken mutual respect. Any anger Souji directed towards Hijikata was just a reflection of the anger he felt towards himself. 

"What," said Souji. "Are you going to kill me to protect Hijikata? Or do you think I'm not a strong enough warrior to be a threat?"

"No," said Hajime. "I think you are too strong a warrior to really try." 

Souji sneered and scoffed. "You have a strange definition of strength."

Hajime didn't reply for a while, trying to put his thoughts into words. "My definition of strength has been changing, of late," he said, slowly. "I used to think it meant to be victorious in battle. I had never been defeated, and so I was strong. But Amagiri could have defeated me, if he had chosen to. I was only saved from Kazama by Sen. And Kaoru felled me with a single shot." He sighed. "Modern warfare has no use for swordsmen, and I have never been much good with a gun. Even as a Fury, I am defenceless against silver bullets, against sunlight, against the limits of my own body. I do not suffer with illness as you do, Souji, but it is not impossible that you will outlive me."

"So you're not the very strongest," said Souji. "You could still beat me in a fight. And I told you, you're not allowed to die."

"But then who is the very strongest?" said Hajime. "The Choshu and Satsuma, with their superior weapons? Kazama with his demon strength? Should we want to be more like them?"

"No," said Okita. "I like you as you are."

"And I like you as _you_ are," said Saito. "You remain a warrior, regardless of your body's afflictions. You do not let pain and misfortune prevent you from protecting what you value, or turn you from what is right. That is true strength. It is you who I wish to be more like."

"Hajime," said Okita, taking Hajime's face in his hands and looking him in the eyes. "Even by the most philosophical interpretation of the warrior's path, you are a better warrior than me. Since when am I ever honest or self controlled?"

"Since when am I?" said Hajime. Even now, he felt the pull of attraction towards Souji, felt himself moving closer, seeking warmth and touch. "Every day I feel my Fury nature affecting me more. I take pleasure in dealing death, when before I did not. I...I drink Yukimura's blood. I am beset by doubts, when once I was certain." He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I should be offering you consolation, yet all I do is wallow in my own concerns."

"You're allowed to whine sometimes too," said Souji. "It makes me feel like less of a crybaby." He sighed and rested against Hajime. "Anyway. You shouldn't feel bad about any of that," said Souji, his voice soft but certain. "We need you to keep your mind, and you're doing everything you can to protect us. You're doing a better job of staying sane than I ever have." He looked away, and his voice shook. "I hate that you _have_ to protect me. I hate that I can't protect Kondou, or Chizuru, or anyone. I never bought into the whole samurai thing as much as you, but I still know I was born for that purpose, as a _protector_. Not as a burden."

"You're not a burden," said Hajime. He brushed his fingers against Souji's cheek, feeling the bones laying far too close under the skin. Without even making a conscious decision, he felt his thumb brush against Souji's lips, so close to his own. He leaned up, and saw Souji's eyes go wide and dark, his mouth open ever so slightly as if inviting a kiss.

And then Souji slapped him, his arm so weak it barely stung. "I don't need your pity," he said, coldly. "Get off me."

"Souji," said Hajime. He worried that he had ruined everything by acting on his attraction, but there was no way he could leave things like this.

"Leave me be!" Souji's voice cracked with misery, and his eyes burned with anger. 

"Souji it's not..." Souji must have seen something in Hajime's expression, then, in the flushed desperation on his face, because he stopped glaring and instead looked at him with wide, wondering eyes. Before Hajime could finish what he was saying, Souji pulled him forward gently, and leaned down to kiss him. His lips were cracked and dry, and only pressed against Hajime's mouth with a faint pressure, but Hajime felt a wave of heat pass over him, like the release when a jar is opened. He let out a moan, and kissed Souji in return, his hands trembling with nervousness and yearning. Souji's fingers grasped at Hajime's hair, and his tongue licked at Hajime's lips. Hajime felt the fragile shape of Souji's body through his clothes, and pulled him closer, his touch becoming more daring as Souji groaned against him. 

Souji pulled away and gasped against Hajime's shoulder. "Hajime," he said. "What the hell was that? I'm not complaining, but..." He let out a long, rough sigh.

"You're not complaining?" asked Hajime with a small, sly smile. 

Souji laughed earthily. "Only if you stop," he said. 

Hajime grasped at Souji's shoulders and kissed his neck. He was reminded of drinking Yukimura's blood, which made it strange and yet more enticing, like an image reflected between two mirrors reinforcing itself. But _this_ desire hurt no-one. Hopefully he could now finally let go of this harmful obsession with Yukimura. Right now all he could think of was Souji, and how he felt in his arms, the salty taste of his skin.

"Oh," said Souji. He sighed again, but it was a sigh of sadness. "Hajime..." he said. 

Hajime looked at him with concern. "Souji?" Had this been unwise, after all? Was Souji too emotionally unstable right now to be making this kind of decision?

"You're in love with Chizuru."

And he was. But... _but I'm in love with you too_ he thought. Was it wrong, to love them both? Did it mean he could not be everything Souji needed him to be? He made a redoubled commitment to overcoming his feelings for Yukimura. "I..." 

"Wait," said Souji, "Is this why you haven't told her? Because of me?" He pulled away from Hajime. "Shit."

"No," said Hajime. "Because of me. Who I am, what I am...she deserves more than I can offer." Souji frowned. Hajime put his hand to Souji's face, felt the delicate beat of his pulse under the translucence of his skin."You deserve better as well," said Hajime. "But if this is what you want, I do not have the strength to deny you."

"I want this so much," said Souji. His fingers gently brushed against Hajime's skin. "But you're an idiot. And I don't think I can do this to Chizuru. I don't want either of you to hate me." He pushed Hajime away. Though Hajime didn't want to let go, he stood up and took a step back, feeling baffled and bereft.

"I don't understand," he said. 

" _I_ don't understand how you can be so oblivious," said Souji. "She..."

" _No_ ," said Yukimura. 

Hajime froze. Yukimura stood at the edge of the clearing, staring at Souji with a determined expression. How much had she heard? How much had she understood?

"Yukimura," he said. "I'm sorry."

She didn't reply, but her eyes were sad. 

"It's no fun winning if your opponent just forfeits," said Souji. 

She shook her head. "I don't care about winning," she said. "All I want is for you both to be happy."

"You'd make Hajime happy."

She looked at Hajime. _Happy_ wasn't sufficient for the way she made him feel. Though his heart was full of Souji, somehow there was room for it to be full of her as well. The idea of being with her had lost none of it's appeal. But not at the expense of Souji. And not because she felt obliged to make him _happy_. "Yukimura," he said. "You shouldn't...you don't owe me that. I know you are grateful to me, but I have only acted out of duty."

"I know," she said. 

"You are both impossible," said Souji. "Chizuru, you're really fine with Hajime being with me? You won't feel jealous? It's what you _truly want_?" 

"Yes," she said. "Please, don't worry about me."

"Ok," said Souji, and he reached out and pulled Hajime back towards him. 

"Souji," said Hajime, but he let himself be pulled, his feet stumbling a little on the rough ground. 

"She said she didn't mind," said Souji, looking up at him from the dirt and running his hands down Hajime's chest. "Ugh, these buttons are a pain. I need you to undo them for me."

" _I_ mind," said Hajime, though he wanted to, wanted to fall to his knees and do anything Souji asked of him.

"Sorry Chizuru," said Souji. "Hajime needs you to give us some privacy while we fuck." Hajime was overcome with a wave of lust and shame and confusion. Here? Now? Could that really be what Souji wanted? Or was all of this some strange joke?

Chizuru made a high pitched _eep_. Her eyes were very wide. "Um, of course," she said, and laughed awkwardly before starting to walk away.

"No, Yukimura!" Hajime pulled away from Souji, who let go with a flourish of his fingers. "We're not going to...Souji, what are you doing?"

"I got sick of trying to reason with the two of you," he said, with a mocking smile. "This way I win either way. Either I get Chizuru to admit she has feelings for you, or I get _you_."

This was possibly the strangest and most overwhelming conversation of Hajime's life. Why did Souji think Yukimura had feelings for him? It seemed impossible. Did Souji assume that she must love him, because Hajime loved her? But what if she did, somehow? And how could Hajime think clearly when Souji looked at him with so much yearning?

"That's not...that's not fair on Saito," said Yukimura. Not fair on _him_? "Don't toy with his feelings." Souji looked ashamed, and frowned and looked away. "Please, Okita. I'm not lying when I say I don't mind. Saito is important to me, but you're important to me as well. All I want is...is to stay with both of you. To support you in whatever you choose to do. If you and Saito are...are something more to each other than you are to me, that would only make me happy for you.

"That's all you want, huh," said Souji. He smiled wryly at Yukimura and she smiled back, her eyes a little damp. "You know I'm going to die, right? You can follow Hajime. I can't."

Chizuru's face fell. Because it was true: once Kodo was dealt with, Hajime's duty would take him back to the Shinsengumi, back onto a path Souji could no longer follow. And because he couldn't follow that path, because he could no longer be a warrior, Souji thought he had no part in Hajime's life. 

"Souji," said Hajime. "My duty lies with the Shinsengumi. But you are a part..." No, that wasn't right. It wasn't sufficient. 

Hajime didn't understand the complex web of love and desire that he was entangled in with Souji and Yukimura. He didn't know how he could navigate it without becoming a source of pain for those he loved. But there were some things he did understand, some things he knew for certain. "My duty may take me from you, Souji," he said. "But I will always return." Souji stared at him with wide eyes. 

"Why?" said Souji. "What good am I to either of you?" As if he truly was nothing but a sword that had lost it's edge. 

"You lend me your strength," said Hajime. "And...I know that it is what I should do. The future is uncertain, I must trust to what I know is right. This is something Yukimura has helped me realise, but you were the first one to show me that, Souji. Every time I have doubted myself, every time I have been overcome with anxiety or despair, it has been you...been both of you who have helped me regain my certainty, who have brought me to a state of peace."

Souji tried to hide his shaking lips with a sneer. Yukimura took Souji's hand- when had she gotten so close? 

"We need you," said Yukimura. "We're too...too timid. Without you, we...I..." Her breath caught. "We both want to care for you, Okita, as you have cared for us. Isn't that right, Saito?" Hajime looked at her, and she was giving him a small, shy smile, and he loved her more then than he ever had before. 

"Yes," he said. "If was to abandon either of you, it would be a denial of everything I wish to be." He had failed them both once, and it had nearly destroyed him. He would not make that mistake again.

Yukimura's eyes widened and she blushed. Had he said too much? This was all unfamiliar territory, and he didn't know how to find the right path.

"Do you really mean it?" said Souji, barely able to look Hajime in the eye. "You'll come back to me, no matter what?"

"Yes," said Hajime. "I swear it." Souji knew that Hajime was a man of his word. And he knew what it was to be loyal, better than anyone else Hajime knew. 

Souji's eyes glistened, and he turned his head away. "Fine," he said. "But that means you're mine now. There's no getting away from me until I die. You ok with that?" 

"Yes," said Hajime, feeling no doubt at all. He took Souji's hand.

"Good," said Souji, gently squeezing his fingers. "I don't mind sharing you with Chizuru. But no-one else. Ok?"

"Uh," said Hajime. He looked to Yukimura, who was watching them both with a hard to read expression and pink cheeks, still holding Souji's hand. No, on closer inspection, Souji was holding _her_ hand. He wondered if she'd have rather left but didn't want to make a scene about pulling away. Souji was very odd sometimes.

But Hajime loved him for his oddness. He loved Souji for his intensity, and his loyalty, and his sharp strange mind, a mind that twisted itself in knots to avoid admitting vulnerability or need. And he loved Souji for his affectionate heart, which gave itself utterly and never expected anything in return. Hajime promised himself to protect that heart from now on, so that Souji never again had to feel unloved and alone.

Hajime didn't know how to express any of this, though. So he interlaced his fingers with Souji's and hoped some of these feelings might be conveyed through his touch. Souji's fingers tightened around Hajime's, and Souji gave a small sigh, as if in relief. 

Then Souji looked up at Yukimura. "So, Chizuru, can you stop worrying and meddling now? Whatever you do with Hajime, you won't be taking him away from me. Because he's mine, and he's promised to always come back to me." Souji squeezed Hajime's hand, as if to check that he was still there, and Hajime squeezed back. 

"Ok," said Yukimura. She smiled. "I'll stop worrying and meddling."

"So..." said Souji.

"So I'm going to tidy up the camp," said Yukimura. "We'll be leaving soon, and don't want to leave too many signs that we were here right?"

"Right," said Souji, rolling his eyes. But then he gave Hajime a small, shy smile and Hajime smiled back. It seemed like it would be a bad idea to kiss him, given Souji's previous reaction, which was a pity, because Hajime would have really liked to do so. Instead he sat down next to Souji and just sat with him in companionable silence, enjoying the feeling of Souji's hand in his. Souji sighed and rested his head against Hajime's shoulder. 

Souji started to doze and Hajime watched the stars, thinking about how small all their human lives were compared to the infinity of space. Chizuru sat a little distance away, but eventually her desire to chat overcame her wish to give them privacy, and she moved next to Hajime to cheerfully whisper at him about nothing in particular. He mostly just listened, but quietly added his thoughts from time to time, and felt more happy with his life than he'd thought would ever be possible a few hours earlier.

But this peace was shattered by loud noise from the trees. Souji woke with a start and he and Hajime reached for their swords, and a moment later Yukimura reached for hers. "Stay back," said Hajime, curt and confident. _This_ was something he understood how to deal with. Yukimura nodded, and Souji made a sound of annoyance but didn't argue. 

Hajime strode towards the sound of approaching feet. He swung forward with his sword, barely stopping himself from striking the surprised face of...Nagakura Shinpachi?

"Watch yourself!" said Shin. Hajime stared at him in surprise. "Have you forgotten my face already?"

"No," said Hajime. He sheathed his sword. What was Shinpachi doing here? Hajime had not expected to ever see him again, not after hearing that he'd fought with Kondou and left the Shinsengumi. And then Hajime found himself pulled into a hug. 

"It's so good to see you guys!" said Shin. Hajime felt a nostalgic, bittersweet sense of warmth, reminding him of happier times that would not return. 

"It is good to see you too," said Hajime. "But why are you here?"

Shin put his hands on his hips. "Well!" he said. "I..." But then his eyes widened and there was the sound of metal scraping against a scabbard. Hajime turned, and saw Souji shakily standing to his feet, his katana in his hand and a look of fury on his face.

* * *

Shin stopped him of course. He didn't even seem scared, just confused. Because that was what Souji was now, a useless weakling no-one took seriously. 

"Whoa, Souji, what's up with the sword?" said Shin, his smile weak and his hands strong, holding Souji's in a tight and steady grip. 

"You abandoned Kondou! You..." He had to stop, consumed with coughing and weakness. "He needed you and you weren't there!" The anger that had simmered within Souji since Kondou's capture had a target at last, and bubbled through his veins like a pot boiling over, leaving him feeling empty and off centre now that his attempt at violent retribution had gone unsatisfied. 

Shin didn't try to justify himself, instead he sighed and looked down at his feet. "Yeah," he said. "I did. I thought I could do things better on my own, but...I don't know. We're still losing just as bad as the Shinsengumi ever did, and I've got no-one to blame but myself." He looked at Souji, his eyes sad and sincere. "I don't know if me being there could have saved Kondou. But I'm sorry I wasn't there to try."

"Fat lot of good that does us now," said Souji. But he stopped trying to push against Shin, and let himself slump back out of his attacking stance. Shin let him go, with a wary, apologetic look, and Souji sheathed his sword. The burning anger that had energised him had gone cold, and he could feel his legs begin to wobble. Before he could collapse, Chizuru and Hajime were there, holding him on either side, helping him to sit with a pretence at dignity. They stayed at his side, sitting in the dirt looking up at Shin. It ached, to be comforted by them, to feel any comfort at all when all he should feel was pain. But he was comforted regardless. Hajime had promised not to abandon him. There was one thing left in this world he could rely on, when all else had turned to ash. He sat in the dust and let the conversation move past him, his mind so overcome with emotion he felt blank.

"Why are you here, Nagakura?" said Chizuru. "It's great to see you, but I thought you were moving towards Aizu with the rest of the shogunate forces."

"Yeah, but I heard you guys needed help!" he said. "I met up with your demon friends when they were helping us fight Kaoru and a bunch of Furies, and they told me what was up." He laughed. "Can you believe Shiranui and Sakamoto are on our side now? They're actually not bad dudes once you get to know them."

Trust Shin to like Sakamoto the moment he stopped actively trying to kill them. "Are they with you?" asked Souji, hating how weak his voice sounded. Was he going to have to deal with them as well now? 

"Shiranui is! And those demon ladies. But I was so excited to see you I ran ahead!" Shin slapped his leg, and then rubbed it ruefully. "Unfortunately Kaoru shot Sakamoto and a bunch of the Shinsengumi Furies with silver bullets, so they're still recovering. I guess they'll be coming here later, or we'll be bringing some water to them, or something? I hear there's a cure for being a Fury now, is that right?" He smiled at Hajime with such a good natured, hopeful smile that Okita couldn't hate him any more. Hating Shin was like kicking a puppy: you could enjoy it for a while, but eventually you just felt pathetic.

Maybe he should concentrate on hating Hijikata. Hijikata was fun to hate, always so smug and stubborn and unstoppable, right up until the one time it counted. 

Souji wondered sadly if he'd ever see him again. He wondered if, amongst all the grief and guilt around Kondou, Hijikata had a little space in his heart to feel sad for Souji, too. 

"We cannot currently access or assess the possible treatment for the Water of Life," said Hajime. "First we must defeat Kodo. But Shinpachi- you are working with the Shinsengumi again?"

Shin laughed awkwardly. "Well, I mean, we're all in the same place, fighting the same enemy. But I wouldn't say we're _working together_ , exactly. To be honest, I was avoiding being around them because of how awkward I felt. But I made sure they knew I was coming down here to help you guys out." He smiled, turning to Chizuru and Souji. "Hijikata says hey. I'm sure Sanan and Heisuke would have said sent their regards if they weren't still healing."

"If you see Hijikata," said Souji with a smile. "Tell him I say _fuck you_."

"Ha!" said Shin, patting Souji on the shoulder so hard he nearly fell over. "Will do."

* * *

Chizuru was a mess of emotions. 

Her feelings about Saito and Okita were a mix of happiness, affection and uncertainty. She had been sincere in her desire for them to find happiness together, and it had made her heart soar to see the two of them pledge to stay by each other's sides. They were both so self sacrificing, Okita unwilling to see himself as worthy of love, and Saito refusing to admit that he had needs at all. She had thought, perhaps, that Saito might have feelings for _her_ , but it was clear now that he loved Okita. And she was glad for them, she really was. They would be good for each other. 

But, a small selfish voice asked: what did this mean for her? Saito was ordered to protect her, for now, but what about once her father was defeated? The search for her father was the only reason the Shinsengumi had tolerated her for so long, and it was nearly at an end. What use was she to the Shinsengumi after that? Would she mean anything to Okita and Saito? Or would they leave her behind? 

It didn't help that every step that brought her closer to the village of her birth brought with it more vague memories, more strange dreams. She had woken a few times shouting in anger, or crying out in pain and loss, waking Okita and Saito who had comforted her and helped her get back to sleep. She had become so used to them looking after her, what would she do without them? 

Nothing in her dreams was ever clear, but she had memories of someone small and beloved holding her hand and saying they'd protect her: had that been Kaoru? She had a sense that she had lost someone precious: was that her parents? How had she forgotten them for so long? Was her mind trying to protect itself from the pain of being parted from her family? How would she survive losing any more?

For there was no way her future would not involve more loss. Her brother, her father, the Shinsengumi...

At least Nagakura was here, happy and alive. She'd thought she'd never see him again. And he'd brought news of the rest of the Shinsengumi, and while some were injured, they were...

She stopped, and thought back over what he'd said. "Nagakura," she said, with a sense of dread. "What about Harada?"

Nagakura's smile wavered. "He...left to help the people in Edo. They're having a pretty tough time, and he felt like he owed them the help."

 _Tough time_ didn't cover it, from what news Chizuru had picked up during their travels. But she was glad that Harada was still alive, at least for now, and silently wished him good luck. "What about the rest of the Shinsengumi? What happened with Kaoru, exactly? And you! What have you been doing, Nagakura? What's it like fighting with different men? Have you been keeping warm?"

"That's a lot of questions!" He laughed and ruffled her hair. It felt nice, and brought back happy memories. "It's good to see you, Chizuru, I'm glad these guys have been taking care of you." He rubbed his chin. "Let's see...the Shinsengumi are..."

A voice cried out "A bunch of losers!" 

Nagakura roared towards the voice. "Say that to my face, you bastard!"

"Ok!" said Shiranui, striding out from the shadows of the forest. He walked right up to Nagakura's face and grinned. "The Shinsengumi. Are. A. Bunch. Of. Losers. The only ones worse are the Seikyoutai!" Wasn't that the name of Nagakura's new company? 

"Fuck you!" shouted Nagakura and went to punch Shiranui, but the demon was too fast and ducked away. Shiranui drew his gun and Nagakura drew his sword, the two men grinning as they faced off. Chizuru was pretty sure they didn't really mean to hurt each other, but wasn't _quite_ sure enough to entirely dispel her anxiety. After all, they had genuinely tried to kill each other many times before.

"Can we not?" Sen's voice was impatient as she approached, Kimigiku at her side. Chizuru's heart soared to see her friend safe and sound. And they were all here to help defeat her father? How was she blessed with so many good friends? "Honestly," said Sen, "Don't you two have better ways to use your energy?"

"Maybe if Sakamoto was here," said Shiranui, with a wink. 

"How are you, Chizuru?" asked Sen, ignoring him. "I'm glad we got here in time to help."

"Sen!" said Chizuru. "I'm glad you're here too. How did things go with Kaoru?" 

Sen sighed. "Well, we killed all of his Furies. But Kaoru escaped. And he has taken the Water of Life, becoming a far more formidable opponent."

"Oh," said Chizuru. Was she happy that Kaoru had escaped, or sad? She was definitely not happy about him becoming stronger and more violent. 

"He did not escape unscathed," said Kimigiku. "I was able to injure him with this, and his wounds will not recover quickly." She drew her sword, a long white blade that shone strangely in the light from the fire.

"What is that?" asked Chizuru.

"That," said Shiranui with a grin, "Is the Douji-giri Yasutsuna. It has a special ability to kill demons, and has been passed down the Kazama family for generations. Turns out it's pretty good against fake demons, too."

"I thought you had cut ties with Kazama," said Saito, glaring at Shiranui suspiciously.

"I have," said Shiranui, with a wink. "I stole it." He smiled smugly, and Chizuru gained some petty joy imagining how angry Kazama must have been when he discovered the theft. "I'm more of a gun guy, though, so I let these ladies have it. Kimigiku sneaks around behind Furies and kills them with one hit, it's awesome."

Kimigiku gave a small smile. "We will of course return the sword," she said. 

"Eventually," said Sen.


	7. Chapter 7

Souji woke cold and alone in the dim light before dawn, and shivered as he coughed his way to wakefulness. He rubbed his arms and wondered how the fight was going. How had Chizuru put up with this for so many years? Nothing to do but sit and wait and worry about the people he cared about, with no way to protect them. No way to protect Hajime from the double edged sword of his Fury powers, no way to save Chizuru from the pain of facing her family. No way to even know if Kondou lived or died, though every day that passed made Souji's hope grow a little smaller.

But Hajime had promised to return to him. Souji decided to trust in that promise. He remembered the strength in Hajime's hands, the taste of his kiss, and he was warmed and reassured. 

Chizuru had made no such promise, an oversight on Souji's part. He no more wished to lose her than Hajime. What would she say, if he asked her to promise to stay with them always? She loved Hajime, and Hajime belonged to Souji: was she really going to stay happy with that? What was it Souji even wanted from her, exactly?

And what if he had no chance to find out? What if she died, without Souji there to protect her?

He felt guilty and anxious and uncertain, and had no way to vent his frustrations. Maybe he could find a bug and pull off it's legs, if he was going to return to the sense of helpless uselessness that had plagued his childhood perhaps he should return to his childhood habits. 

"Got any bugs over there, Kimigiku?" 

There was a pause and then a single "No," from the bushes to his left. He was pretty sure she wanted him to pretend she wasn't there, to better surprise anyone who came by, but he didn't have any bugs so she was going to have to do.

"It's funny," he said, "Even though I know exactly where you are, I can't see you. You'd think magenta would stand out. Are you using demon powers or something?"

"No," she said. "I have no relevant _demon powers_. I am simply well trained, and chose my clothes with more care than you seem to expect."

"And here I was thinking you-" He had to stop and cough, the strain of clearing his lungs so intense he almost blacked out. He wheezed, out of breath, and rested his head back with his eyes closed, gasping.

"Are you in need of assistance, Okita? Should I boil you some tea?" Chizuru had given Kimigiku a talk about _not letting Okita pretend he's fine_ , much to Souji's annoyance. He only liked being babied with tea and blankets when it was Chizuru doing it. 

"What is it with you ninja all being busybodies?" he wheezed. "I have tuberculosis. I cough." He coughed. "You're not here to nursemaid me, you're here to guard the entrance to the village."

"I'm here to guard you _and_ the entrance," she said.

"Yeah, you really got the short end of the straw there. What did you do to piss off Sen?"

"It is the role I am best suited to," she said, refusing to be baited. Souji missed Yamazaki, whose cool ninja persona had been a thin facade over a flailing emotional shambles that had been fun to poke at. "My strengths are in surveillance and covert warfare, not open battle." She paused. "I understand that as a samurai, it must sting to require guarding, and to be unable to participate in the battle yourself."

"I'm not sure if you're pitying me because I'm sick, or because I'm a samurai," said Souji. He'd sometimes envied the simpler lives of ninja, none of this pretence about following the noble path of the warrior, just killing people using whatever tools worked, even if they were 'dishonourable'. That didn't stop him being pissed off any time a ninja acted like their way of doing things was better.

Kimigiku's voice was dry. "Perhaps I pity you because you're human."

Okita laughed, and had to cough again. "Do demons not get tuberculosis?"

"Very rarely," she said. "But we usually recover. And all humans seem fragile and short lived to me." She paused. "I do not pity you for it, however. I am weak compared to most male demons, and have found their condescending attitudes frustrating. It would be hypocritical for me to think any less of you for being weaker than me."

"Yeah, I'm starting to get the impression that all male demons are assholes," said Souji. "Sucks to be a female demon, I guess." He'd just assumed female ninja were unremarkable amongst demons, but perhaps it was as significant achievement for Kimigiku as it would have been for a human woman. 

"Not _all_ of them," said Kimigiku. Her tone implied _Just most of them_. "And one could argue that it is just as difficult to be a human woman. They are also treated as fragile objects to be controlled and protected."

"Yeah," said Souji, with a wry cough. "Sucks to be them." 

He'd always thought he'd rather die than be weak. He'd worked for years to become the strongest warrior he could, and had railed in denial when it became clear that illness was going to take all that away. Because it had seemed like being a warrior was the only way to have any control, the only way for his life to have meaning. But he'd never had control of his own life, not really. And maybe even a weak and limited life could have meaning, if you tried hard enough to find it.

Maybe he _should _want to die. But he didn't.__

He sat in silence for a while. A slight drizzle fell, and he sneezed. "Kimigiku," he said, with a sigh. "If it's not too much trouble, I'd like some tea."

The bush shook and somehow produced a tall woman dressed in a revealing magenta kimono. How did she _do_ that?

"It would be no trouble," said Kimigiku with a smile.

* * *

"Funny how things work out, isn't it?" said Shiranui. "Who'd have thought we'd end up working together like this? I'd kind of looked forward to killing you, too."

"The feeling was mutual," said Saito. Shiranui was a perfect example of someone who used weapons to kill but was not a _warrior_. Saito still wasn't sure if Shiranui had any principles at all, or if he'd turned against his former allies on a whim.

"Ha!" said Shiranui. "But I mean, look at me. Fighting with a bunch of humans and girls." He laughed. "Still better than Kazama and that old codger Kodo, though!" He turned to Yukimura. "You ready to face your dad, Yukimura? He's a sneaky bastard, you let him get in your head and you're toast."

Yukimura nodded seriously, and put her hand on her sword. "I love my father," she said. "He has suffered a great loss, and I understand his resentment. I want to give him a chance to turn back from this path. But I have not forgotten everything he's done. And it is my responsibility to make sure he is stopped, no matter the cost." 

She looked so lonely. "We are here, beside you," said Hajime. He put his hand on hers, to offer what strength he could. 

"Then I am not afraid," she said, and smiled.

It ate at Hajime that he could not be Yukimura's protector pure and simple, that like him she walked a path of danger and violence. But for good or ill she was not the helpless girl she had once been, and he still loved the woman she had become. Perhaps when this was all done, she could put down her sword, and once again live a life of peace.

Only one man stood between Yukimura and that chance at peace, between Souji and a chance at relief, between Heisuke and the other Furies and the chance to regain their minds. 

Yukimura Kodo smiled smugly when he saw the small group collected to oppose him. "How kind of you all to accompany my daughter," he said. "What a beautiful woman you have grown up into, Chizuru. I am happy to see you so well."

"Hello father," said Yukimura. Hajime and the others stayed silent, letting her have this last chance to speak to the man who had raised her.

"Does this place bring back any memories for you, my child? Do you remember how the humans killed our kin?"

"A little," she said, sadly. _I'm sorry_ , thought Hajime, wishing he could have saved her that pain. 

"Do you understand, then," said Kodo. "Why we must make the Yukimura clan strong enough that we will never be threatened that way again?"

"I understand your sadness," said Yukimura. "And your anger. But what you're doing is wrong. What of the innocent men you have corrupted, to form your army? What of the people they have killed? They had families once too, people who loved them. They deserved safety too."

"A pity," said Kodo, barely acknowledging her words. "Do you choose to align with Yase, then? Or Shiranui? Those clans are weak, and did nothing to protect us when the humans turned against us. They will fall as surely as the humans." He sneered. "And as for _them_...I hope you understand now how useless the Shinsengumi are. Even their Furies are inferior. Do you think you can protect my daughter, any of you?"

"Yes," said Hajime. "I swear to keep her safe. From you, and anyone else who might threaten her." 

"With what, your Fury strength? How close are you to it's limit, I wonder? Do you know what happens to a Fury when they use themselves up?" He smiled at Hajime triumphantly, as if he expected his words to hurt.

"They die," said Hajime, coldly. "But I do not fear death. If I survive long enough to protect those I care about, I will have succeeded." Hajime couldn't help but compare himself to Kodo. They both cared about protecting what was precious to them, and were willing to kill to do it. But Kodo had long abandoned whatever righteousness he might once have had, and in doing so had destroyed everything he held dear. Strength was nothing without principle. 

"And if he doesn't, _I'll_ kill you!" said Shiranui. "There's five of us and only one of you. The odds aren't in your favour, old man."

"Count again," said Kodo, and he snapped his fingers. A wave of Furies emerged from the darkness, and then another, more Furies than Hajime had ever seen in one place. _This_ was Kodo's army. Some of them carried guns, and Hajime watched them more carefully, on the assumption that their bullets were silver.

Hajime let himself become a Fury, feeling his heart race and his blood quicken. And then he and the others threw themselves at their enemy, swords drawn. 

There was the crack of gunfire, and a Fury's head exploded in a shower of gore. Shiranui laughed and managed to bring down several other Furies before they were in reach of any of the swordsmen. Hajime had to admit to himself that having a competent gunman on their side was an asset.

Sen fought with a quiet competence, her eyes cool and determined. Her girlish amiability hid a steadfast strength and drive, he could well believe that she was chief of a demon clan.

Shinpachi was as untamed as ever, hacking at the Furies with a furious intensity, limbs and blood flying in his wake. Hajime sighed to himself with a nostalgic annoyance at Shin's lack of finesse. Especially in a fight like this, it was important to be precise. Hajime watched his opponents carefully, waiting for the inevitable gap in their defence that would allow him to pierce their heart. 

And Yukimura stood behind him, watching his back and keeping relatively safe in the chaos of the battlefield. Souji, too, had Hajime's back, guarding the entrance against Kaoru and other external threats.

It was almost as if Hajime stood with the Shinsengumi again. Change was inevitable, but there was new direction to be found, new connections to be forged, and he did not stand alone. And some things in life endured, despite everything. He thought of a small red glass bottle, always snugly wrapped in his pack, and took heart. 

Hajime dodged away from swords and between bullets, healing from any injury so quickly he barely had a chance to notice the pain. He hated that he had been forced to take the Water of Life, but there was a satisfaction to be found in the fluidity of his altered body, in the strength that flowed through his tainted veins. 

And then there was another crack and he felt a pain in his left leg and it did not stop or heal. Instead he stumbled, and felt weak. 

"Saito!" said Yukimura. He saw her struggling to defend herself, as the Furies around them smelled blood and began to descend. She was struck, and cried out, her blood dripping to the ground.

 _I must protect her_ he thought, and forced himself to stay on his feet, though his left leg was useless and his right had almost become too weak to hold his weight.

"You bastards!" shouted Shinpachi, attacking the Furies with renewed vigour. Though he was only human, and his own wounds bled freely, he remained undefeated, destroying all that stood in his path. 

How could Hajime do any less? He steadied himself and thrust at the Furies around him, shifting his balance carefully to flow with the movement of his sword. But he was growing slower and less precise, his body reaching the limit of how hard it could push against pain and loss of blood without rest.

And then he heard Kodo, behind him. With Yukimura. He wanted to turn, but if he did he would be killed.

"Come with me, Chizuru," said Kodo. "Your friends have done very well, but like all the rest they have no chance against my new children. Leave them, we must abandon such attachments to create our new world. All will burn when the Demon Kingdom..."

There was the sound of metal splitting flesh. Hajime turned, and fell, and barely avoided being skewered by his opponent's blade. 

In front of him stood Yukimura, her eyes damp, and her hands shaking around the end of her blade. And facing her stood Kodo, Yukimura's sword thrust deep into his chest.

"Forgive me, my child," said Kodo. "I was not able to protect you..." And then his eyes went glassy and his body slumped to the ground.

"Father," cried Yukimura, her voice cracked with pain. "Father, I'm so sorry." She pulled out her sword and was splashed with her father's blood and she wailed in misery. She was too distraught to pay attention to her surroundings, let alone defend herself, and Hajime pulled himself to one knee so that he might push back any foes that might try to hurt her. He grunted as he slashed at the ankles of an approaching Fury to unbalance it before thrusting his sword upwards into it's heart. 

"Yukimura!" he barked. "Defend yourself!"

"Saito," said Yukimura. "Oh, you're..." She looked down at the sword in her hands. "Yes." She took a deep breath and shifted into the stance he'd taught her, and moved her body the way they'd practiced together. There was a gurgling cry, and an enemy fell to her sword, and then another. She did not fight with grace, or ease, and her hands trembled. But she fought on, regardless. And Hajime fought beside her. 

Finally, the waves of Furies slowed, and then scattered, and then stopped. Hajime let himself return to being human, and felt his body weaken even further. Everything became something of a daze. He felt Yukimura grab his shoulders to stop him from falling, and saw the others approach. They were covered in blood, but whole. He smiled. They had survived.

Hajime let himself be helped onto dry ground, and closed his eyes as Yukimura washed and bound his wound. "Thank you," he said. He took her hand, and tried to clear his head enough to offer her the comfort she must sorely need. "I am sorry about your father," he said. "But you did what had to be done. And now you are free."

She smiled at him and wiped her eyes. "Thank you," she said. "Lie here and rest. I will bring Okita to you."

And then they heard a piercing cry of pain, echoing over the fallen bodies from the direction of the village entrance.

* * *

There was the sound of squelching footsteps across the muddy ground of the clearing. Souji looked up from where he sat, resting against a tree. 

"Okita," Kaoru grinned. "What a pleasant surprise. Your corpse will make a nice welcome home gift for my sister."

Despite wearing his usual smug smile, Kaoru was looking rather the worse for wear. Blood slowly leaked from wounds on his side and leg, and he walked with a slight limp. Were those the same wounds he'd gotten from Kimigiku all those weeks ago? Looked like the Kazama family sword worked as promised.

"You're too late," said Souji, coldly. "Chizuru's dead. Saito got overcome with bloodlust and killed her and it's all your fault."

Kaoru's eyes widened. "You're lying."

Souji laughed. "Yeah. But you were actually sad for a second there! I guess you do love your little sister after all."

Kaoru bared his teeth and drew his sword. "I'm sure a samurai would consider it dishonourable to murder an unarmed invalid, but luckily I'm not a samurai."

"Who says I'm unarmed?" said Souji, slowly drawing his sword.

Kaoru laughed. "Seriously? You can't even stand!"

"I don't need my legs to hold a sword," said Souji. Of course, the same weakness that affected his legs affected his arms just as strongly, and his katana felt like it weighed a ton. But he still held it. There wasn't much he could do for Chizuru and Hajime, but he could do this.

"This almost feels too easy," said Kaoru, with a laugh, and slashed down towards Souji. Souji barely managed to bring up his blade to block the blow, and felt a jarring pain travel up his arms, though Kaoru was far from using his full strength. He hadn't even turned into a Fury.

"Funny that," said Souji, breathing heavily. 

Kaoru's eyes widened, and then his hold on his sword grew weak. There was the familiar sound of metal through flesh as the shining metal of Kazama's sword emerged from the front of Kaoru's chest. Warm blood splattered Souji's face and Kaoru fell to his knees. 

Kaoru looked at Souji in shock. "You..."

Souji grinned. 

Kaoru's face grew pale, and his expression grew desperate as he realised he was going to die. "Tell Chizuru..." he began, but then his skin went pure white, like smoke, and he made an inhuman cry. The area around his wound began to quiver, and then crumble. And then his whole body dissolved into dust, faint motes drifting away in the Spring breeze to reveal Kimigiku standing with Kazama's sword in her hands.

"Well that was weird," said Souji. Was that what happened to all Furies when their life was used up? Would it happen to Hajime? He glared at Kimigiku. "Took you long enough, if he hadn't underestimated me so badly I'd be dead." 

"My apologies," said Kimigiku. "It was important I be certain of a killing blow, because I would likely not get a second chance." 

"Tell that to my arms," said Souji, putting down his sword and collapsing back against the tree. "But...thanks for killing him, I guess. Give Kazama my thanks, too, when you return his sword. I'm sure he'll be happy to hear from me."

Kimigiku shook Kaoru's blood off the sword and considered the reflection of her face in the strange shining metal. Souji got the impression she'd been born pretty low down the demon social hierarchy, especially compared to a lord like Kazama. "I'll try to remember," she said. She smiled and sheathed the sword. "But it may not be for a while."

* * *

They found Souji collapsed and covered with blood. 

Chizuru's heart broke. She couldn't stand to lose him. Not now, not ever. She ran over to Souji, crying out his name. Finally he woke, groaning and blinking. When he realised why she was crying he laughed affectionately and put his hand on her face. "It's not _my_ blood," he said. "I'm just tired."

She put her arms around him, and he hugged her back. "I'm sorry," he said. "We killed Kaoru."

"Oh," she said. She sniffled into Okita's shoulder and he patted her back. Her heart felt strained to collapse, and she could barely feel the loss. Not yet. "I'm glad he didn't hurt you."

"He wanted me to tell you he was sorry," said Souji. "That was the last thing he said."

Chizuru sighed, and wondered if this was true. She decided to believe it, for the sake of the loving brother she'd once had, all those years ago. The one she would never have the chance to know, now. "Thank you." 

"So how did the battle go?" he asked. "Where's Hajime?"

"He was injured, but will be fine," said Chizuru, trying not to be overcome with the memory of how Saito had fought for her, though it must have been excruciatingly painful, and his wound had made it nigh impossible for him to stand. "Come back with me and I'll show you."

Okita let go of her and put his hands out. "Ok then," he said, "Who wants to help me? I'm lighter than I look."

"I am of a more similar height," said Kimigiku. And to Chizuru's surprise, Okita agreed. The three of them walked slowly but surely back to the village as Chizuru described the battle's events to Kimigiku and Okita. She couldn't bring herself to make it clear who had killed her father.

When they arrived back, Sen was waving from the door of a house half hidden amongst the trees. "This house seems to be largely intact," she said, "So we moved Saito inside, then I sent the other two to find the spring."

"Thank you," said Chizuru. 

As they entered, Chizuru felt her heart ache: there was no doubting that this had been her father's house. There were his books, there was his medical equipment, all so reminiscent of her childhood and yet here they had been used for a much darker purpose. Much of the original building had survived the fire, but she could see where her father had used his basic carpentry skills to make simple repairs. She remembered watching him try and fix their roof, when it had leaked in the rain, reassuring Chizuru that he wouldn't fall. Had he thought of her, when he lived here? Or had he only thought of his plans for conquest?

What of the men of his army? Had there been anything left of them to wonder what their future might hold? Had they mourned the lives they might have lead as they fell to Chizuru's blade?

But what mattered was that there was wood for a fire, and a dry room in which to sleep. Okita gave a loud groan as he sat down on the futon next to Saito. "If you don't mind," he said, "I think I'm going to lie here for the next month." His tone was light, but his voice was strained, and his breaths were light and shallow and interspersed with a great deal of coughing. 

"Are you well?" asked Saito.

"As well as ever," said Okita. "What about you?"

"I will recover." They gave each other happy, relieved smiles, and Chizuru smiled to see them.

There was a thumping noise, and Nagakura and Shiranui walked in with a large jar on each shoulder. "Who's thirsty?" said Nagakura with a big smile. Chizuru laughed, but then noticed that his muddy footprints were mixed with blood. 

"Nagakura!" she said Chizuru, "You're injured!" 

"Pfft!" he said. "This is nothing!" But he let her bind his wounds. Honestly, how did any of these men survive without her? "Now that you're done fussing over me," he said. "Didn't we all come a long way for this water? It was pretty heavy, I hope I didn't carry it for nothing."

"Yes, thank you!" said Chizuru. She looked at the large jars and then at Saito and Okita, both too weak to lift anything so heavy. "Wait just a second!"

She ran through her father's house, looking for something to drink from. The first clean seeming thing she saw was a beaker, but knowing her father's research she wasn't willing to test it. Then she found a number of bottles of sake, and a single cup beside them. Had her father turned to drink, in his final days? Had he been pained by doubt or guilt? She shook her head to clear her eyes of tears. She didn't have time to think about her father now.

She washed the glass with sake and then water before bringing it to the others. Okita and Saito had a brief argument about who should drink the water first, which was settled when Okita became so overcome with coughing that he could barely breathe. 

"What does it taste like?" asked Chizuru.

"Water," said Okita, flatly. "With a hint of...sake? Are you sure this was a spring, Shinpachi, and not a bar?"

"As if I would steer you wrong!" said Shinpachi. "There was a shrine and everything!"

"Sorry," said Chizuru. "I mustn't have cleaned the cup well enough. But how do you feel?"

Okita frowned thoughtfully. "Hmmmm," he said. "I feel...terrible. But maybe a little less terrible than before? It's hard to tell. Anyway, give Hajime some."

Saito also frowned seriously after he drank. "I do not feel any different," he said. "But being a Fury does not feel any different from being a human, on the whole. So that is to be expected."

"Well that's not very helpful," said Shiranui. "But I guess it'll have to do. So, Shinpachi, want to start carrying this stuff back to our friends down south? It's not like we've got any better options."

"I'm sure Sakamoto will be fine," said Chizuru. "He's got you to look after him."

"Yeah, yeah," said Shiranui, looking a little embarrassed. Nagakura snickered and Shiranui punched him lightly.

"Please tell Hijikata that I will return when I am able," said Saito. 

"Will do!" said Nagakura. Chizuru would miss him, but was glad that he wasn't going to be alone. "But first we're going to clear up some of these dead bodies. Can't have your home town left all messy, can we Chizuru?"

"Thank you," she said, eyes shining with unshed tears. The thought of facing all those corpses, of seeing her father's dead body...it was more than she could bear. 

"Kimigiku and I will be returning to our village soon, as well," said Sen. "I do not like to leave for too long during such dangerous times. But we will come and visit you when we can."

"That would be wonderful," said Chizuru. "Especially when Saito..."

She looked over at him and realised his face had gone very pale. There had been so much blood...was he about to experience bloodlust? He would hate to be be seen in such a vulnerable state by all these people.

"Um," said Chizuru. "Saito and Okita are very ill. Can I be alone with them to care for them?"

"Of course," said Kimigiku. "We will see you again another time."

"Bring your sword," said Okita, who was laying down with eyes closed. "Chizuru can use it to chop vegetables."

Kimigiku smiled, and she and Sen made their goodbyes.

And then it was just Chizuru, Okita, and Saito. 

"Saito," said Chizuru. "Do you need blood?"

He shook his head. "No," he said. "I...I am in pain, but only from my leg, at present. I am sorry if I worried you."

"To be honest, I need some time alone," she said. "I will let you two rest."

She managed to make it to the door before letting out a sob, and did her best to muffle it.

"Yukimura?" Saito sounded so worried for her, as if her suffering meant anything next to his.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm fine."

"Chizuru," said Okita. "You're a terrible liar. Do you need me to...roll under a table or something, so you can be alone with Hajime?"

She shook her head. "I like you being here Okita," she said. "You are both..." She hiccuped. "You're both so kind to me and I'm a _monster._ "

"You being a demon is the only reason either of us is alive," said Okita.

She just shook her head. That was part of it, but...

"You did the right thing," said Saito. "I am sorry you were forced to kill your father, but by doing so you have saved countless lives. I think even he realised that, in the end."

"Wait," said Souji. "You killed Kodo?" He looked horrified. Even _Okita_ thought it was terrible. But then he looked at her with sympathy and affection. "Oh Chizuru," he said. "You're the bravest person I ever met. But it's ok to cry."

Their kindness undid her, and her eyes filled with tears. Though it was weakness, she stumbled to them, and let them wrap her up in their arms. She wasn't sure whose shoulder it was she sobbed into, and whose gentle fingers wiped her eyes, but they both said kind things to her in calming tones, and the pain in her heart began to ease. 

It was definitely Okita who started snoring, his head resting against her own. He didn't even wake when she made a muffled laugh and had Saito help her move him down onto the futon and under the blankets. 

And then to her surprise, Saito stood up, leaning against the wall and slowly dragging himself to his feet. "What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I need..." He winced, and made a muffled groan. Oh. 

She helped him limp into the next room. He shouldn't be walking, but she understood why he didn't want to wake Okita. He closed his eyes against the pain and she drew her sword.

"You don't have to..." he began, then winced and groaned, and his body changed. There was a beauty to the stark white of his hair, the strange red light in his eyes, but she hoped that he would soon be free of this curse, that the sacrifice he had made for her could be undone. Until then, it was her responsibility to help him survive it.

"Please, Saito," she said. "You're in pain." 

Saito's touch was gentle, and his mouth soft, and she shivered in his strong arms and wished he would hold her forever. 

"Thank you," he said, as his breathing steadied. "I am sorry to burden you further when you are already suffering."

"Saito," she said. "You are not a burden. It truly makes me happy to be of use to you. For as long as you need it, my blood is yours to drink." 

"Yukimura," he said. "You give of yourself too easily."

She shook her head.

They sat quietly for a while. 

"What do you intend to do now?" he asked. "You are free, at last, of your obligations. You may go where you wish."

"I...would it be too much to ask to stay with you, and Okita? At least while you are here?" Okita had said to Chizuru _You'd make Hajime happy_. He'd said to Saito _I don't mind sharing you with Chizuru_. Had he meant it? Was it possible for the three of them to all find some way to live together without tension or guilt? She wasn't sure, but she also wasn't willing to let them leave her life without at least trying to hold on.

"Yukimura, this is _your village_ ," he said, smiling. It was, wasn't it? She was the head of a clan with one member, and one house, and a village green filled with corpses. Not much of a birthright, all told. "Who are we to tell you whether you may stay? It is _your_ decision whether or not we may trespass on your generosity."

"Of course you can stay!" she said. "If I could, I'd have both of with me forever." Her heat beat faster with anxiety, worried about the consequences of expressing her desires so openly. She looked away. "Um. I mean, I realise you have to go back to the Shinsengumi. And Okita should probably stay with a real doctor. But please, stay as long as you want."

"You do not owe us such generosity," said Saito. 

"It's not generosity," she said. "I _want_ you with me." Because she did, more than anything. Would he accept her wishes and stay?

Saito looked at her thoughtfully. "You will let Souji stay when I am gone?"

"Yes," she said, trying not to feel disappointed. "For as long as he wants." 

"I am glad," said Saito, with a grateful smile. "He cares for you, and I know you find his presence a comfort. I will be happier knowing you are with each other." 

"I care for him too," she said. _And I care for you_. Saito seemed unable or unwilling to accept her feelings. Did he see her as a duty he was finally free to escape? Eventually, the spring would prove itself useless, or Saito and Okita would heal. Either way, they would leave her behind, and go on with their lives without her.

"Yukimura?"

She realised that she was crying again. "I'm sorry," she said. He looked confused, but concerned, and put his hand on her shoulder. 

"I am not very good at being comforting," he said. "But if your father..."

She shook her head. "It's not that," she said. "I only..." She sniffed. "I don't want to be alone."

"You will never be alone," he said. "You are welcome everywhere, and loved by everyone."

"I don't want everyone," she said. She looked at him, and he flushed and looked away. "I know that you and Okita are pledged to each other. But if there is room in your life for me as well, even for a little while...that is all I want. Not because I am grateful, or feel obligated. But because I want it. I want you."

There. She'd said it. 

He raised his head, and looked into her eyes. "Do you truly?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

He moved closer, and she moved to meet him. He watched her carefully, as his hands reached slowly to touch her, and she looked back into his eyes. "I am Souji's," he said. "But I am also yours. If that is what you want."

"Yes," she said. And she leaned up to receive his kiss.

* * *

Souji emerged from unconsciousness into a gentle doze, too tired to think clearly but not actually in need of any more sleep. He was slowly roused from this state by the complaints of his stomach, which had noticed a pleasant scent on the air, something sweet and meaty. It was dark: had he slept for an entire day? 

He managed to untangle himself from his blankets, then stumbled towards the smell of food, leaning against the wall for support. He passed through a room filled with weapons and armour, and another full of damp and weeds, before finding himself in, of all things, a kitchen. And there, in the centre of it, was Chizuru, standing over a number of bubbling pots. It was like he was back in Kyoto again, a warrior with purpose who was feared by all, with a cute girl willing to make him porridge. Well, at least one of those things was still true. Not seeing any chairs or cushions nearby he sat down heavily on the floor and rested against the wall, panting for breath. Maybe walking had been a bad idea. But the food smelled so _good_.

"Chizuru," he said. "I'm hungry."

"Okita," she said with surprise, and then she pouted at him. "What are you doing out of bed? You should..." And then her eyes widened, and he grinned at her as her mind caught up. "Did you say you're _hungry_?"

"Starving," he said. "So where's dinner?"

"Oh! It's not ready yet! But, um..." She shook her hands in nervousness, head turning quickly as she tried to figure out what to do, and then she clapped her hands together with a determined expression. "I can't give you everything, but some of the rabbit pieces are cooked, and I think some of the smaller sweet potatoes should be ready..."

"How on earth did you get all this in a burned out village?" he asked.

"Saito helped with the rabbits," said Chizuru, smiling, as she started filling a plate with food. "And there were some remains of old gardens, and some rice...it's really not very much." She knelt down in front of Souji. "I hope you like it." 

"If it's from you, I'll love it," he said. And he did, it was the most delicious thing he'd eaten in months. Maybe years. After a few mouthfuls his extreme hunger wore off and he could feel nausea edging in again, but it still tasted like _food_.

"So how do you feel?" she asked. "Is the water working?"

"Looksh like," said Souji, with his mouth full. He swallowed and took a breath. "I mean, I still feel like shit. And I think that's about all the food I can manage, no offence to your cooking but my stomach is still a whiny bitch. Don't get your hopes up too high, I have a funny feeling even magic demon water can't cure tuberculosis, especially when it's this far gone." The look on her face made him feel bad for being such a grump. "But...I do feel better than I did before. I guess you're going to be stuck with me a little bit longer."

"Souji!" Chizuru's eyes sparkled with tears and she put aside his food and pulled him into a hug. Seeing her so happy did more to warm his heart than the thought of being well, and he put his arms around her and thought about how strange life could be. 

"So I'm Souji now, huh, Chizuru?" He felt her stiffen in embarrassment. 

"Oh no, I'm sorry," she said, hiding her head against his shoulder, "That just came out."

He laughed and ruffled her hair, pulling her closer with his other hand. "I like it," he said. "Say it again."

"...Souji," she said, voice a little tremulous. Hearing her say his name like that sent a pleasant shiver down his spine.

"Yes Chizuru?" he said, brushing his thumb against her jaw. She made a small laugh that may have been hiding a gasp and he wondered where exactly things were going to go between them. Looked like he was going to have time to find out. 

"I'm glad you're with us," she said, moving her head up to look him in the eye. 

"Me too," he said. "I used to think I'd rather die in battle than be sick in bed, but turns out I'd rather stick around for a while, even if it's like this. Hell, even when I was healthy I never really cared about dying. It's only now I really want to live." She smiled, and he squeezed her as tight as his weak bony arms could manage. "And that's because of you, Chizuru. Hajime and I...we probably would have gone on as we were until we died, nothing more than weapons to be wielded by the Shinsengumi. You're the one who made us people."

"You were always people."

"Then you're the one who made us realise it." She blushed and put her head down on his shoulder again. How was she so adorable? They stayed there for a while, finding peace in each other's arms.

"I believe something is burning." Souji looked up and saw Hajime standing in the doorway. 

"Oh no!" cried Chizuru, and she jumped up to deal with her cooking. She skittered between pots, stirring and removing things from the heat and then ladling out a plate of food. "Sit down," she said, gesturing towards the table and sounding a little flustered. "I don't think anything should taste too bad, but I'm sorry I got distracted." But then she smiled. "Okita was hungry! I think the water really helped!"

Hajime looked to him, then, and smiled, relief making his face look young and happy in a way it hadn't for too long. Hajime tried so hard to be a sensible old man it was easy to forget that he was younger than Souji, and not that much older than Chizuru.

"Thank you, I will eat in a moment," Hajime said to Chizuru. "Put down the plate." She did, and he stepped closer to her and slowly leaned in to give her a kiss, his expression cool and curious. Chizuru seemed slightly surprised, and she blushed, but kissed him back. There was an ease between them that suggested they had kissed before. Souji felt a little jealous despite himself. It was strange, too, to see Hajime so comfortable expressing affection in front of someone else. Strange, but not bad. Not when that person was Souji.

Hajime and Chizuru looked to Souji, both a little pink, Hajime biting his lip and Chizuru's eyes soft with concern. Souji smiled. "About time," he said. Chizuru laughed and Hajime smiled.

Then Hajime stepped towards Souji, kneeling down so that they were face to face. "Souji," he said. "Are you well?"

"Not well," said Souji, "But not quite as sick, either."

"I am glad." Hajime's hands wavered, as if he wanted to touch him but was unsure. So Souji reached for him, and pulled him down into a kiss. Hajime was cautious at first but responded with increasing passion, until Souji had to pull away to catch his breath. 

"Still don't mind, Chizuru?" asked Souji. 

"No," she said, "Though Saito's dinner is going cold." She looked a little self conscious, standing by herself by the stove with Souji and Hajime entangled on the floor.

"It can wait," sad Souji. "Come down here."

She gave one last look at Hajime's dinner and then came down beside them, still a little distance away, as if she didn't want to interfere. Souji held out his hand. "Closer," he said. She blushed and let herself be pulled into his arms, her side brushing against Hajime's. She slowly held out her other hand towards Hajime, and he took it, intertwining their fingers. Souji felt a warmth he had no name for. "Now what's with you calling me Okita again?" he said. "Am I so quickly discarded once your lover comes into the room?"

Hajime and Chizuru both flinched and coloured at being called _lovers_. "No," said Chizuru. "I just forgot. Sorry, Souji."

"You call him Souji?" said Hajime, with the slightest hint of petulance. _You don't get to win at everything, Hajime,_ thought Souji.

"Do you mind?" asked Chizuru.

"No," said Hajime, definitely not pouting. "Not if you, um..."

Chizuru giggled. "Sorry, Hajime," she said, looking away and blushing. "I didn't mean to make you jealous."

"That's quite all right," he said. "Um..." He stared at her with his lips pressed together, unable to quite say her name.

"Chizuru," said Souji.

"Chizuru," said Hajime, putting so much longing into the name that it made even Souji shiver. 

Souji laughed. "Where would you two be without me?"

"Lost," said Chizuru, softly. She smiled at him, her eyes full of affection, and he felt hot and cold all at once. He didn't know what to do with her, how to understand how she fit into his heart, and it made him afraid. But since when did Okita Souji back away from something because it made him scared?

"Then how about you keep me around," he said, trying to keep his tone light. "To stop you getting lost."

"Wherever you go, Souji, that's where I'll follow," said Chizuru. "You have always been there for me, just like you have for Hajime. And I will always be there for you." It was so much more than he'd hoped for that he didn't know how to feel.

She reached for him, her hand soft against his chest, and he skimmed his fingers against her soft cheek. He leaned forward and smelled the smoke in Chizuru's hair, felt Hajime's warm breath against his skin. "Ok," he said, voice soft. "I don't understand either of you. You could be happy together without me. I'm just going to bring you trouble."

"There is no us without you," said Chizuru. 

"Souji," said Hajime. "I promised myself to you. I have no intention on going back on my word. I have also sworn myself to... to Chizuru, but there is no conflict, because we will stand together." 

Souji closed his eyes and put his arms around them both. He could feel his energy waning, but could not bring himself to let them go. "Then the two of you have everything of mine there is to give," he said. "I know that isn't much. But it's all you're getting, and it's too late to ask me to let either of you go." He kissed the tops of their heads, and felt their warm arms encircle him, felt their hot breath against his skin. 

But he could only put off the inevitable for so long. Eventually he felt his breath catch, and had to turn his head and cough. 

"Oki...Souji," said Chizuru. "Are you ok?" 

"In general...very much so," said Souji. He rested his head back against the wall. "But Hajime should probably go eat his dinner." They didn't move, instead Chizuru rubbed his shoulders and Hajime held his hand and Souji closed his eyes and just breathed for a while. He felt safe and loved, as he had not for as long as he could remember. Then he opened his eyes with a start. "Wait...what about your dinner, Chizuru?"

"We'll get you into bed, then we'll both eat," she said, with an affectionate smile. Since arguing would have been a waste of breath, Souji let himself be carried back to the futon, and tried not to feel too sorry for himself when they left. 

But then they returned a few moments later, carrying their food, as well as an extra plate. "In case you get hungry again," said Chizuru, clearly not over the novelty of him having an appetite. The three of them sat together and talked and ate, and Souji even managed to eat a little more, partly because he was hungry and partly because of how happy it made Chizuru. 

Afterwards Souji dozed some more, while all the boring business of cleaning and dealing with food was dealt with by the other two. He wondered if they might do other things too, without him, but found he didn't mind the idea, as long as he was still in their hearts. His chest still ached, his breath was short, his body so weak he had no choice but to lie in bed...but he was, somehow, content. 

Soon, Hajime would rejoin the Shinsengumi and Shinpachi and the other Shogunate troops in Aizu, and they would make what could be their final stand. Would Chizuru join him? Would Souji, somehow? Would any of them survive long enough to even know if Hajime and the other Furies could be cured? Would Souji's condition improve, or was the way he felt now as much as the spring's water could offer him? 

The one thing he knew for sure was that they didn't have forever. But they had this moment. 

As Souji lay on the futon, Chizuru and Hajime sat by the fire. It was a nice, large hearth, and Souji wondered if this had once been a family room. But any family that might have shared it was long gone now, leaving only Chizuru to carry on their memory, and define her own meaning for this place. 

Hajime watched the flying sparks, eyes a thousand miles away, while Chizuru watched him, and Souji watched them both. Chizuru turned to Souji and smiled affectionately. "Are you warm enough, Souji?" she asked. 

Souji smiled back. "Yes," he said, opening his arms wide. "But I could stand to be warmer." 

"Um," said Chizuru. She looked to Hajime, who blinked at her unhelpfully. "H-Hajime, Souji says he's cold, so I was...going to lie next to him, if that's ok?"

"Chizuru," he said, with a small smile. "You don't need to ask my permission. Souji and you and I...we are all bound together equally, but also free within that binding to act as we see fit." He paused. "At least, that is how I am inclined to see it. Otherwise I would not have kissed you without asking Souji." He frowned, and looked at Souji with a expression of sudden concern. "Was that right?"

"I am not sure how much clearer I could have been about being ok with you kissing Chizuru," said Souji. "But yeah, that sounds good to me. I certainly don't see how I have any right to tell you guys what you can and can't do with each other...just _each other_ though. If you sleep with, like, Sakamoto, I'll kill you." 

" _Sakamoto_?!" said Chizuru. "Why would I...wait, were you jealous even back then?"

"Maybe," said Souji. "Anyway, are we agreed?"

"Yes," said Chizuru. "Anything that happens between you and Hajime is fine. Um." She stood up self consciously. "So I guess I'm going to lie down."

"That was a lot of talking just to get you into bed," said Souji as she snuggled up next to him, "Considering how often I've done it before."

"Yes, but...it's different now," she said. 

"True," said Souji. "We're lovers now. You should take off your clothes." He tried to keep the nervousness from his voice. They could always pretend it was a joke, if he'd misread her and this wasn't what she wanted.

" _Souji_!" She slapped him lightly and moved a little away from him. But she sounded secretly pleased, and hadn't moved far enough that he couldn't reach out and touch her. So he did so, pulling gently at her kimono with a pretend look of confusion on his face. She pushed his hand away. "We're not...we haven't even..."

He pulled her to him. She was stronger than him, and they both knew it, but she pretended not to have any choice in the matter and made a sound of protest as he held her over him by the wrists. He would have much rather have held himself over _her_ but he wouldn't have been able to maintain it for very long and he had no interest in rushing things. Souji looked up and locked eyes with Hajime, who looked a little embarrassed to have been caught watching. Souji winked. As if Hajime being there wasn't half the fun.

"Haven't kissed?" he whispered into her ear. "Do you want me to fix that?"

"...mmm," she said, so he did. Her lips were soft, and she smelled smokey and sweet. She let him take the lead at first, but then overcame him with her energetic enthusiasm, sucking at his tongue and pushing down on his hands. Eventually he had to let go and pull away to catch his breath and cough. She looked at him with a mixture of self consciousness and concern, her lips gone a captivating red. He moved back towards her and brushed his fingers against her face, put his hand against her back and felt her warmth against him. He pulled her down to him again, kissing along her jaw and sucking on her ear before biting gently on her neck.

"Ahhh?" She sounded confused and breathless.

"Hajime made it look like fun," he said. "I wanted to try it." 

"Souji," said Hajime, sounding a little distressed. "Don't."

"Did you hate that?" he asked Chizuru. 

"...no," she said, blushing. "I. Um. Don't hate that sort of thing." 

"Me either," he said, with a smile. 

"Oh!" she said. "Um. Would you like me to, uh..."

That hadn't been what he'd intended, and he laughed. She looked embarrassed, and he felt bad. "You can do whatever you like to me," he said, attempting a half lidded stare. From the look on her face, it seemed to work. 

"Ah," she said, going pink. She stared at him and her lips went thin as she tried to overcome her self consciousness. "Um. Sorry. It's not that you're not..." She burst into giggles and rolled off him. "Ahhhhh!" She put her hands over her face. "Sorry!"

He rolled onto his side and put his hand on her shoulder. "It's ok," he said. "That was super cute. And it's my own fault for teasing you." He'd meant every word, but could tell she was at about her limit. That and she was very invested in being the sort of good girl who didn't express an unseemly amount of interest in anything sexual. He was going to have to work on that. 

"Yes it is," said Chizuru. "I need to...wait!" She looked up ."Hajime! You can come defend me from Souji!"

There was a pause, as Hajime considered this. "What would you like me to do to him," he asked.

"AHHHHH," said Chizuru. "Noooo, Hajime." 

Hajime laughed and walked towards them, kneeling down next to Chizuru. "You seem distressed," he said. She pouted up at him. He carefully reached down and put his hand on her face, and her expression became gentler. "Would you like me to join you?" he asked. 

"Oh," said Chizuru. 

"I would," said Souji. "If Chizuru's sick of us she can go sit by the fire."

"I didn't say that," said Chizuru. "I just want..." She sighed. "I don't know exactly. But it definitely involves the two of you, whatever it is."

Hajime smiled and slipped under the covers beside her, sitting up on one elbow to smile at Chizuru and Souji. "Then here we are," he said.

"We could try all kissing at once," said Souji. "Sounds messy though."

"I would rather not," said Hajime. 

"Then. Um. What do you want, Hajime?" asked Chizuru. She slowly reached over and touched a lock of his hair, gently rubbing it between her fingers. When he didn't answer, she moved her hand to his neck. They stared at each other, faces flushed. She must have found the answer in his eyes, because she rolled over and kissed him. 

Souji found himself facing Chizuru's back, watching Hajime's hand twitch against Chizuru's kimono as Hajime tried to decide how hard it would be ok to clutch at her. It was a very nice back, and Souji ran his hand down it, then pulled himself closer, letting his arm cross Chizuru to rest on Hajime's side, feeling the back of Hajime's hand against his belly. Hajime had tilted himself so that only his face and arms were touching Chizuru, because the man had no idea how to have fun. 

Souji put his lips to the back of Chizuru's neck, feeling her soft hair against his face. He kissed down her shoulder and pulled at Hajime's hips so that the three of them were pushed up against each other and and was rewarded by hearing the other two gasp. They broke their kiss to breathe and Hajime looked attractively overwhelmed as he blinked at Souji over Chizuru's shoulder.

Souji ran his hand down Chizuru's side, and felt her shiver. Her hips were wider than Hajime's, and softer, and he gave them an experimental squeeze. "Your body feels very nice," he said. 

She gave a small self conscious laugh. "Thank you. Your, um. Hand feels nice."

"Would you mind if I stole Hajime for a little while?"

She shook her head, and rolled back onto her back to give Hajime room to move, looking attractively disheveled. Hajime looked at her, laid out in front of him across the most efficient path to Souji, and had a visible moment of panic. 

Souji snickered, and then had to cough, sitting up to wheeze and hack and catch his breath. He heard Chizuru make a small sound of concern and felt her lean across and rub her hand against his back.

"It's fine," he said. "I'm just dying of tuberculosis." He looked over at Hajime. "Feel free to take your time getting over here."

Hajime gave Souji a wry look then moved past Chizuru with his usual grace. Hajime and Chizuru shared an affectionate glance as their bodies brushed against each other. How strange it was, to see the two people he loved in love with each other and feel only joy. 

Hajime kneeled in front of him. "I await your command," he said, looking at Souji through his eyelashes, and, well. That was certainly something. Souji felt his cheeks burn and his mind go blank.

"What do you think, Chizuru?" he said, putting one hand delicately on Hajime's chest. He ran his fingers down the tight fabric of Hajime's coat and Hajime closed his eyes. "Hmm. I might need a little help with these buttons."

He looked over at Chizuru, who was clearly struggling with the competing thoughts _I should be helpful_ and _TAKING HAJIME'S CLOTHES OFF??_ "Um," she said. 

Silently, Hajime reached up and undid the buttons on his jacket. Considering how often Souji had seen Hajime naked it really shouldn't be this sexy to see a little more of his still-clothed body but it was _sexy as hell_.

"Oh," he said. He put his hand to Hajime's chest and felt himself shake. Hajime opened his eyes and then very slowly put his hand on Souji's face. Souji grabbed onto Hajime and pulled him close. He could feel Hajime's heart beating fast inside his chest. "Don't hold back," he whispered, and kissed him.

Souji bit at Hajime's lower lip and Hajime groaned and they fell down onto the bed, legs tangling, teeth jarring as they continued to kiss. Souji grasped Hajime as hard as his weak hands would let him, while Hajime held himself up over Souji with one hand and pulled at his clothes with the other, his fingers efficient and clever as they reached for Souji's bare skin. Souji buried his hands into the warm gap between Hajime's jacket and waistcoat, feeling Hajime's muscles moving beneath the fabric, his solid warmth and strength. Hajime ran his hand across Souji's shoulders, along his chest, down his side, exploring every inch of him and making Souji gasp and pull away from Hajime's demanding kiss. And so Hajime put his mouth to Souji's skin, kissing the hollows of his neck. 

Chizuru made a small noise, apparently enjoying this as much as Souji was. Hajime stiffened and looked over at her in alarm, having apparently forgotten she was there. Souji took the opportunity to try and catch his breath. Maybe he needed Hajime to hold back a _little_.

"I'm sorry," said Chizuru. Hajime reached over and patted her hair reassuringly, then leaned down to give her a her small kiss, much more gentle than the one he'd just been sharing with Souji. But Souji had no complaints about that. 

"We should sleep," said Hajime, moving himself to lie down next to Souji. "It has been a taxing day for all of us."

"Spoilsport," said Souji, though he was still out of breath and could feel the heavy weight of exhaustion pulling him down towards unconsciousness. 

"There's always tomorrow," said Chizuru. "And every day after that."

Souji grabbed her hand and hugged it to his chest . "That's a promise?"

"Yes," said Chizuru, rolling over to put her other hand atop his and give him a kiss on the cheek. "Every day until forever."

"Yes," said Hajime, as he placed his hand with Chizuru's. 

And somehow Souji believed them both. "Then it's a promise," he said. "I'll give all that I am to keep it, too."

They curled up in each other's arm, warm and safe, and Souji drifted off into a deep and happy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about writing an epilogue about what happened next but it didn't come together and sometimes that sort of thing is best left to the imagination. But if you're curious, it turns out Yukimura village is right in the middle of the area the Aizu samurai were exiled to, eg where the real life Saito Hajime ended up living, and the fictional one moves to with Chizuru on his path. 
> 
> So I thought Chizuru might open the village up to the Aizu and other war refugees, maybe including demons, since it sounds like there's a population of "stray demons" and their descendants lacking the support of mainstream demon society. The historical Saito became a policeman so maybe this one would too. I'm not sure exactly what Souji would do, but he's a bright and capable guy, I'm sure he'd find something within his capabilities. And everyone lives as long and as happily as you want them to :) Including Kondou! THIS IS FANFICTION, WE DO WHAT WE LIKE.

**Author's Note:**

> After writing this story I realised I'd gotten Mutsu Province mixed up with Mutsu City, and Yukimura village is actually much further south than I thought. Fixing it was too much trouble but hopefully it all still makes sense.


End file.
